Salmon. Nottingham.
Once, I went back to an acquaintances' house after running into him on a night out. He's a bit unhinged. 'I caught a fish the other day. It's in the sink. Can you gut it for me' says he and hands me a pocket knife encrusted in god knows what. So I went to the bathroom and there's a six pound salmon sat in the sink, and it's the most diseased, disgusting specimen I have ever seen and anyway it smells like fanny cheese. 'Fuck off, I'm not cutting that thing' 'Ach, you're maybe right. It's maybe been sitting a bit long. Chuck it out the window.' Not being one to pass on an opportunity (it's not every day you get to throw a fish from a first floor window) I heaved it. A wee while later we were sitting smoking, calmly enough, when out of the blue comes 'YOU CHUCKED MA FUCKIN FISH OUT THE WINDOW YA BASTARD!' as he lunged at me with a meat cleaver, missed, and fell down between the couch and wall bringing a stack of speakers down on top of himself.I escaped down the stairs and out into the street and there's the fish lying broken on the tarmac. 'Just goes to show you can't trust any cunt' I muttered. I think the salmon understood.

The most perplexing, troubling thing that happened to me on a night out, though, something that confuses me to this day, is when I woke up outside a train station in Nottingham at one in the morning. The last thing I remembered was being skint and miserable in my native Scotland, nearly 300 miles away, at pub chucking out time. How did I get 300 miles in three hours with no money. It's not possible. It doesn't make any sense.
(Timorous Beastie, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 23:46, 22 replies)

you were clearly abducted by aliens
they're attracted by the smell of rancid salmon
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 0:35, closed)

You didn't get injured when he threw you out the window?

(nolongernuts, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 0:37, closed)

nah, i bounced

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 0:48, closed)

Dead fish don't bounce. They thwack.
(Timorous Beastie, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 0:58, closed)

That makes sense
considering your size.
(nolongernuts, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 2:09, closed)

Why?
Why would you think that is OK to say?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 8:32, closed)

because she's a fucking nutjob
if you want to know about chucking things through windows ask her about her cat.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:18, closed)

Ah, OK.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:29, closed)

I'll be honest, I think the story I made up about her smashing her cat repeatably against a window until it smashed in a blooded mess, was, erm, you know, made up.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:31, closed)

I know, but it still amuses me
how about we go back to the story about when she totally floored 3 guys with one punch?

She made that one up herself.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:32, closed)

I can't remember the details of that one, didn't one of them steal her hat or something?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:35, closed)

probably told her that fishing was boring

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:39, closed)

It says a lot about my worrying levels of trust
that I just believed it without question.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:41, closed)

oh, leave her be
it doesn't bother me what someone i don't even know says
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 13:31, closed)

Haha, gentle mental to QOTW troll in just a few months.
Nice work.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:36, closed)

Hahahaha we've missed you
You fucking nutjob.
(TheColonel, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:55, closed)

Irvine Welsh called.
He'd like you to get back in his head, please.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 9:25, closed)

:D

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 13:58, closed)

Regaled
Clicked.
( rofl harris, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 9:58, closed)

makes a change from throwing cats out of the window...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:28, closed)

What's all this cat stuff?

( rofl harris, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:43, closed)

See my posts here =)
b3ta.com/search/answers?q=smash+cat
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:48, closed)