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This is a question Not having sex

Our pal Freddie Woo says: Climbing into the back seat of the car, she sat on a fortnight-old bag of food shopping I had completely forgotten about. The stench of a bag of bean sprouts popping open is a real passion-killer, I can tell you for nothing. Tell us about the shag you didn't have because you blew it.

(, Thu 22 May 2014, 14:01)
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I have very little to contribute to this topic other than this pea
It was night and outside, there fore it was also dark, and the teenage bad advice was camping with 100’s of other teenage people. Most satisfyingly, around 30% of them didn’t have willies and where rumoured to be of those mythical beings, TEENAGE GIRLS!!

The young people had travelled from all over the state to attend this bloody great camping extravaganza and much mingling was had. Late on the second night gathered around a random campfire, the very social and horny (that horny feeling only a virgin teenage male can know) bad advice was making friends with a bunch of lads from a place far far away from his home. He had chosen to make friends with this group as they had in their crew girls that where only their friends and from simple observation it appeared no one was attending their crutch caverns.

One talkative spritely young thing made a general announcement that she need to “go wee” but, didn’t want to go by herself as she was scared of the dark. As her dude friends suggested she take a torch or just fuck off in general (they where not nice boys I started to think) she appealed to bad advice to escort her to the camp area set aside for abolutions. And because he was toeyer than a roman sandal and prepared to take any and every possible chance to be in the single company of a female, he agreed.

As they trotted along the darkened bush path she gibbered at a 1000 miles an hour on random and unconnected subjects until arriving at subject of watching people piss (oh, for she was all class). A proposal was made by the bearer of nubile young breasts that if she could watch bad advice drain the vein, she would let him watch her twinkle tinkle.

After a stunned grunt in the affirmative, they stepped off the track into a small clearing and bad advice produced what to this point had only been hand cranked and released the yellow stream.

“It’s too dark” she exclaimed, “I can hear you but, I can’t see you, let me shake it for you” clearly she knew how this process worked. Her arms encircled his waist and gripping the root of the love muscle proceeded to give it a shake that sprayed drops of bladder juice in a 30 meter radius and near detached it from the body but, after a few seconds of shaking, the internal inspector rose to full and glorious attention in her nimble hands to be rewarded with a few fast yet jerky pumps. She stepped out from behind him and her shadowy outline was visible in the dark, the sound of her zip resonated amongst the tree’s and she crouched down and then a whistle of water under pressure through a small opening played like music to his ears but, she was right, it was too dark to see much more than outlines.

“I forgot the paper” she giggled naughtily.

“I have a tissue you can use” offered the iron rigid bad advice.

“I should just wipe it MYSELF?” she asked, with a slight harshness sneaking into her previously light sing song voice.

“well it’s not going to wipe its self now is it” offered the very logical yet very stupid bad advice, while wondering how he could ‘bust a move’ on this possibly interested sweet young thing.

She arose from her crouched position, pushed the now damp tissue back into his hand and strode back to the path and back to the fire, her fear of dark seemingly evaporating in the heat of her, in bad advice’s eyes, unexplained anger.

I often think back to that dark night of camping and sometimes I ponder what might have been but, generally, I think to myself, you stupid stupid stupid boy.
(, Thu 22 May 2014, 22:08, 11 replies)
Haven't I read this before?

(, Thu 22 May 2014, 23:44, closed)

(, Fri 23 May 2014, 0:59, closed)
Ninja edit to make clear it is a pea

(, Fri 23 May 2014, 3:54, closed)
On the one hand, you avoided hooking up with a golden shower fetishist.
On the other hand, what the fuck does this mean?
He had chosen to make
friends with this group as they had in their
crew girls that where only their friends and
from simple observation it appeared no one
was attending their crutch caverns.

(, Fri 23 May 2014, 9:06, closed)
I think 'crutch cavern' is virginspeak for vagina

(, Fri 23 May 2014, 17:20, closed)
Well, you're the expert in these matters

(, Sat 24 May 2014, 1:21, closed)
I would never claim to be an expert in your poor grasp of english or inability to have sex with women.

(, Sat 24 May 2014, 15:32, closed)
Ohhhhhh, cutting.

(, Sun 25 May 2014, 13:57, closed)

(, Mon 26 May 2014, 1:16, closed)
Really? With that big brain of yours, you can't figure it out
Perhaps read it more slowly, that may help.
(, Fri 23 May 2014, 23:39, closed)
bad advice

(, Sat 24 May 2014, 1:34, closed)
The tree's what?

(, Sat 24 May 2014, 10:00, closed)

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