Nutters.
I remember one particular one when I got bored of talking to him would facebook chat me the whole time with inane things. Then when I didn't reply he'd say something like "I'm so miserable" or "I want to die".

There was one memorable time when he said "Have you heard the news?!" I panickedly searched the news sites, thinking it was a terrorist attack or something, before replying, "No, what is it?" He replied with "The bird. It's the word"

For fuck's sake, that's not funny, that's just irritating. I don't speak to him any more.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:40, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It is quite funny.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Agreed.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Not when you're in a bad mood and you get genuinely worried
And it's from someone really, REALLY irritating who won't leave you alone.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:45, Reply)

also if there is one person that you REALLY want to hear from
getting texts/messages from anyone else makes you want to bite something.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:47, Reply)

The old 'oh. It's YOU again' text.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Ha. Many times this.

(berk, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:52, Reply)

then you feel like shit for getting annoyed
because it's only your friend/your brother/the dork you didn't want to hear from ever again
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Oh yes. Many times yes.
Especially when for about 2 years you texted every day and then he stops texting so much then altogether and you die a little inside each time you get a text that's not from him...

Erm, yes, carry on.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Have you heard the news?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:48, Reply)

That you're a monumental cunt?
Why yes. I believe it was in the Guardian this morning.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:56, Reply)

I love you.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Wuv oo too.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:05, Reply)

he was a b3tan, wasn't he?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:45, Reply)

One day, 'Swipe, I'll sit you down and tell you tales that will explain somewhat why I'm like this.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:57, Reply)

when i have finished this couple of months of hell
and you have finished that essay, we can go for many drinks in that 'spoons with the amazing toilets on chancery lane.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Sorry, what?
there's a Spoons in Britain with amazing toilets?
(berk, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Oh you have no idea. I'll take pictures.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:01, Reply)

I await them with bated breath...

(berk, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

The ones on google images don't do them justice. I could quite happily live in them.
The whole pub's pretty good, actually. I don't know why I didn't think of a Spoons breakfast post-bash.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:04, Reply)

bated breath you say.
Have you tried Listerine?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:05, Reply)

seriously
they keep winning "best loo in london" award. you wash your hands in a motherfucking fountain, ffs. a FOUNTAIN.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:08, Reply)

GUESS WHERE I'M GOING TONIGHT

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Ooooh DO TELL.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Oh, sorry, forgot to say, the venue's changed
it's now in Collier's Fucking Wood.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Is this a joke?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Yes, yes it is.
Why the fuck any of us would go to Collier's Fucking Wood is entirely beyond me. It was a vain attempt to get rid of you.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Crow made me go to a pub there once.
Middle of fucking nowhere and all the drinks were brown*


*I now have 'California Dreaming' in my head. Curse my 'word association' brain.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I know, if you recall correctly the "Collier's Fucking Wood" quote was from you
spoken at the Chandos, the night I punched you.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Ah, was it?
My eyes are dim, my back is bent, my limbs have atrophied.

I cannae remember, mon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:10, Reply)

How much do you know about Virgil and post-Christian interpretations?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Fuck all I fear. Sorry.
Post-Christian shit is not my bag.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Too much to hope for :(

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:33, Reply)

TIMMY MALLET FUCKING YOUR CRANIUM

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Mustn't pause, mustn't hesitate, look at Bobby and go "bleurgh!"

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:09, Reply)

What the fuck are you on, No-el?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:10, Reply)

It hurts me that this is probably well before your time.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:12, Reply)

I am quite young.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:14, Reply)

I think it finished in 1992.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:15, Reply)

Rather like me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:25, Reply)

At least I was alive then

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:34, Reply)

I could legally drink in pubs in 1992.
Got that makes me feel old.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Well, at least it was the drinks and not the clientele.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:13, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:24, Reply)

Those Collier's.
They'd do anything.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:04, Reply)

*would* though

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Down in my estimation?
Hell in a handcart?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

For a piss on Chancery Lane?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

For a piss UP.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

To film "ANAL LEGENDS 6 - LAMPITO TAKES 2"

(Bazongaloid, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Lord of the 'rings' - the Poo Towers

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:08, Reply)

The Fat and the Furious (Anal Pounding)
Featuring solid brown rims.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:10, Reply)

'Bottom Live'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:11, Reply)

I love this
Just think of all the jokes you can cram in about car modding. Slamming, poke, stretch, boot installs. There's pun potential aplenty.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Will you recreate the Disney classic 'The Black Hole'?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:10, Reply)

It'll be like the Sorcerer's Apprentice
Except instead of anthropomorphic brooms, it's men lining up to do me, and the floor will be awash with come and enema juice instead of mopwater.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:13, Reply)

This is DYNAMITE.
We'll clean up at the Porn Oscars with this one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Judging by the 'size' of some of the actors,
less Dynamite than Dyno-rod...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I hope you'll clean up the floor long before the awards get handed out.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:23, Reply)

I hate the smell of santorum in the evenings.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:25, Reply)