I love mental texters.
My old flatmate got nineteen texts in an hour after she said to the lad she was seeing that it was over. One simply said "don't leave me, you are the Jermaine Defoe to my Peter Crouch".
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:51, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

when you know it's going nowhere but they are still being a cunt
there is always a temptation to mess with them a bit, like "but i think i love you" or "my period is 10 days late". but it's usually better to resist and just ignore them.

edit - this is a JOKE, i've never really done this...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:53, Reply)

This is excellent texting.
I shall use this.
(TheColonel, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:03, Reply)

how the fuck does the human race survive.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Logically, people must like that kind of stuff.
It hasn't been bred out of the population yet and you'd think that if it was a turn off for everyone, it wouldn't get passed on.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I'm not so sure
I'd have thought, until he learns not to use such arse-clenchingly awful metaphors as the above, that chap's chances of 'passing on his genetic material' are limited.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:24, Reply)

You hear stories like that everywhere, though
it's rife. The chicks fucking love it. Evolution is your proof.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:26, Reply)

If a bloke used a line like that on me
and then tried to approach me with his spam cannon, I'd rip the fucker off and stuff it in his ear. Chicks do NOT love that kind of thing at all.
(berk, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:28, Reply)

*goes back to drawing board*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:31, Reply)

If all else fails
there's always rohypnol.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Unless...
His use of such faux-poetic tosh is attractive to a certain subset of women, principally those of particularly sub-par mental and possibly physical development. This restricts their breeding patterns until such time as they become a deme sexually isolated from people who do not love that kind of thing and eventually speciate into a subspecies of homo sapiens sapiens, say homo sapiens retroaustralopithecojamescordenii, which we can enslave for the purposes of cheap labour and organ harvesting.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:34, Reply)

there are many many people who ought to be enslaved for those purposes already

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:36, Reply)

I have clicked this hard.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:36, Reply)

This

(berk, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:39, Reply)

nor do they love being called chicks

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

*waggles eyebrows*

( Kroney, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

this makes me feel faint with longing
the longing to rip your head off and feed it to starving sharks
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Quit pandering
it's embarrassing.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:48, Reply)

hugz 4 u, LOL

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:40, Reply)

awwwwwww
coming from YOU, though, that just makes me feel all pink and fuzzy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Like your minge?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:43, Reply)

wow that was a crude surprise
coming from you. i mean, i expect that sort of tone-lowering from some quarters, but from you??

besides, there is NOTHING fuzzy about it, ok. it's like... warm peach satin.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:46, Reply)

*throws half-eaten peach in the bin*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:49, Reply)

*after humping it frenetically*

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Wahey! *waggles eyebrows*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:53, Reply)

argh
stop it, don't make me IGNORE you!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:54, Reply)

But you're the Jermain Defoe to his Peter Crouch.

( Kroney, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:56, Reply)

For all the elegance I might try to instil in my prose
I'm afraid there's no escaping the fact that my humour rests comfortably in the gutter. Perhaps I should have tried to phrase it more wittily.

But still, warm peach satin, you say? Tell me more...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:52, Reply)

haha
i doubt anyone here wants to hear any more than that!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:53, Reply)

*facepalms*
Do you intentionally try to attract pandergazzes?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:55, Reply)

no, in my head i am just being "funny"
but i can understand how nobody would believe this!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Oh, it was perfectly amusing,
just my train of thought halted at the next logical station, at which the platform announcement forecast myriad messages with the subject line "I'd like to hear more."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Steady on, old boy

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:49, Reply)

i think you just get immune to it
and eventually end up settling for someone you would have crawled over broken glass to avoid at the age of 21
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:26, Reply)

The man you eventually settle for
is having this post emailed to them by me.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 16:27, Reply)