I shall be wanking my flaccid, mottled grey micropenis
(until it splits in two in a fountain of arterial blood, semen and urine) in the bakery section of Hackney Central Tesco at 11am tomorrow.

I shall then be carted off screaming obscenities by the Police and ambulance services to Homerton hospital where I shall undergo emergency surgery. Assuming this is successful and I don't die, I shall then be arrested and charged, or sectioned.

Bit of a quiet one, really. Just a bit of 'me time'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:30, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The Homerton has a scary Mental Health unit attached to it, try not to be sectioned

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:31, Reply)

I visited a friend at Homerton
following his burst appendix surgery. The bed to his right contained a Polish vagrant who drank all the anti-infection stuff*, and in the left hand bed was a chap undergoing an African exorcism, as far as I could ascertain. It was fucking brilliant in there.


*this led to his falling out of his bed, ripping all his tubes out and staggering around like nothing so much as a drink-crazed nombie.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Start writing the sitcom now Monty.
It'll be fantastic.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Yeah, the real comedy gold is found in the Mental Health Units

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:37, Reply)

I visited one once
(honest, visiting). Since the nurses didn't wear uniforms it was hard to tell the warders from the prisoners
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

The staff tend to be just as mental as the patients
The mentalness seems to rub off on them
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I can beat this.
I went to several raves at Park Prewett Mental Hospital in Basingstoke in the early 90s. As not all the inmates were locked up, there were genuine loonies stumbling around the corridors in their pyjamas whilst we stumbled around in not much better shape ourselves. They were truly 'mental, mate'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:41, Reply)

you're an opinionated Londoner
what's Hamstead like?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Very nice indeed in a villagey kind of way.
Not really like London at all - which it wasn't until not much longer than 100 or so years ago. Full of American bankers and cunts though, as it is hugely expensive to live there.

cf Highgate Village where I had the good fortune to live for a while. I saw 'The Great Suprendo' in the butcher's. He looked like a raving (pif paf) poof. lol.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:35, Reply)

not London-y is a big selling point for me
There is a job I might apply for, posh independent school
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Do the posh schools have Dinner Ladies?

(TheColonel, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:38, Reply)

sounds like it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

They have 'Ladies who (prepare) lunch'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

;)

(TheColonel, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:51, Reply)

Go for it. It is a charming place and the pupils will be of a high standard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

the GCSE kids will have a pupil teacher ratio of 8:1
6th form 4:1. They might even have PROPER EQUIPMENT!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:40, Reply)

have you ever been round highgate cemetery?
having read "her fearful symmetry" i am now quite fancying a trip there!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 18:01, Reply)

I have indeed.
Karl Marx's tomb is next to that of one of the Spencers - yes, it's Marx & Spencer - LOLZORS
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 18:03, Reply)

don't make me think you're going downhill!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 18:09, Reply)

My life is like the fucking Cresta Run.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 22:42, Reply)