Oh, for crying out loud
The only evidence I've come across that suggests absinthe actually causes hallucinations is second-hand testimony from History of Art students. CSI-grade science strikes again...
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:20, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Last time I had absinthe I ended up painted blue.
I was in block 2 in halls from about 4am and only got back to block 9 (2 mins away) at about 5pm. Still doesn't beat the butchered Latin (that gave the translation of "my (n) faith (f) master small Greek cloak") PROOF READING GOD DAMN IT

I had to leave the absinthe behind, though. Saddest of sad times. Everlasting gin is still everlasting though!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:23, Reply)

See, all we can really deduce from that is that the Absinthe Segway is noticeably slower than the Beer Scooter
"My faith master small Greek cloak" just sounds like dialogue from Star Wars. Still, the longevity of that gin is really quite impressive. The only thing that I've known to last longer is The Fat Man's tin of corned beef - but then that was never opened.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)

Oh wow, never heard of the beer scooter
Heard of the beer jacket, though. The equivalent for someone like me, a friend decided, was the Gin Barbour. I think the gin is so old it'd be horrible to drink, so I'm keeping it as a keepsake. Now, I've never had corned beef, but it doens't look nice. How long did his tin last for?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:30, Reply)

Gin does not go off unless left under direct sunlight. (At least, I hope this is true...)
The corned beef has lasted for longer than you've been at university. It was purchased by The Fat Man in my undergrad 3rd year, when we shared a grotty roof conversion of a flat near Barons Court. I think he bought it home with some other sundries one evening, and after putting the rest of his shopping away, realised he'd left it on his desk.

A couple of weeks later, he spotted it on the desk and thought, 'Ah, perhaps I'll open that,' for whatever nefarious purpose he intended. On the way to the kitchen, he sat down to watch a bit of telly with us, left the tin on the nearby table and forgot about it.

Weeks later still, he remembered the beef and his now rather aged decision to eat it. This time it got as far as being left on top of the telly.

A couple of days later, we noticed that his tin of corned beef had been on top of the telly for quite a while, at which point he laughed heartily (in that way that only jolly fat men can), and said it must be the slowest-moving corned beef he'd ever encountered. To emphasise this point, he moved it from the top of the telly to the top of the doorframe leading into my room.

So it stayed above my door for several weeks, threatening constantly to fall off and brain me were the building to wobble at an inopportune moment (not unlikely given the state of the place).

The corned beef was never opened. It travelled with him to Putney, then, the year after, it moved back into our midst as we moved back in together at Elephant and Castle. For two more years it languished in his kitchen cupboard, emerging only to sit at the dining table on ceremonious occasions and/or to wind up our vegan housemate. It accompanied us on our journey down to Wimbledon, where it spent a year on the mantelpiece beneath the mirror in the living room.

I went up to Leeds to visit The Fat Man last week. As the Oscillating Gibbon and I were searching through his cupboard for some sort of condiment, I was heartened to see the same tin of corned beef sitting proudly on the shelf.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)

That is fantastic.
I need to find a better bottle for the Everlasting Gin. I wanted to take it to France so it was decanted into a plastic bottle. It's in my room in a cardboard box. I might get something sparkly or something.

You should probably make him eat it at some point.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)

Is it not soaking through the cardboard?
Oh, and the reason he's not eaten it? He lost the little key that you use to open it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)

No, the plastic bottles in the box which is in my room which is in the house which is in SE London which is etc etc
Can't you just use a tin opener? Or a key from ANOTHER tin of corned beef, thus continuing the cycle anew?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)

To be honest, that would be too sensible an end to the saga of a tin of corned beef which has been travelling around with him for nearly four and a half years.
Additional: Red wine and John Coltrane have now run out. How should I remedy this?
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:51, Reply)

Damn me being sensible.
Do you have other alcohol and other music? Make use of them. Either that or have an early night. But that would be sensible, and we've come to the conclusion that sensible is shit.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)

Have managed to dig out more Coltrane.
Also have plenty more alcohol to choose from.
Have plenty more red wine but think drinking two bottles by myself might be a trifle inadvisable.
Have Armagnac if I want to stay on the grape theme.
Have Gin, Vodka, Scotch and Calvados if I want to mix it up a little bit.
Have strange Croatian liquers if I'm feeling particularly adventurous.
Still have half a glass of wine with which to make my mind up.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)

I have Boney M, a cheap menthol in a posh holder and some fruit cider that I won't drink tonight.
Drink gin.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:00, Reply)

Oh, wait, I almost forgot:
I also have Marmite Vodka.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:04, Reply)

You've mentioned this before.
I'm highly intrigued.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)

Intrigued enough that you'd want to try it?

(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)

I can't imagine what mixer you'd use with it.
And I'm a bit funny with drinking straight vodka, but I do love Marmite.

Charms is making bacon bourbon for her brother's birthday present.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)

Haha! Funnily enough I was sent a link to a recipe for bacon vodka
One stage of the manufacture involves a few hours in the freezer to encourage the bacon fat to solidify as a fraction on the top in order that you could remove it. This suggested to me the idea that one could set up a production line of bacon-flavoured vodkas and bacon-scented candles...
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:19, Reply)

Oh dear lord you're unstoppable.
I might make skittle vodka. Or maybe skittle gin. Though it might be a waste of perfectly good Gordon's.

I'd imagine a bacon-fat candle would stink to high heaven.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:21, Reply)

Oddly enough, I did see Skittle Vodka in the same pub where I first discovered the Marmite Stuff
And based on previous experimentation, yes, a candle based on pig fat does have a certain...aroma to it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:23, Reply)

You're an absolute monster.
Revolution has a wide variety of flavoured vodkas including, if I recall correctly, oatmeal. A business man made a lewd joke about doing me up the arse* and one of his friends felt sorry for me and bought me a peppermint vodka shot. It was quite nice.

*do I LOOK like I take it up the arse?! Come on.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)

What? There was a jar of fat, and I had an idea which I felt the need to test.
As for the businessman, I guess it depends whether he'd seen the badge.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:27, Reply)

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE A JAR OF FAT YOU DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING
No, the badge wasn't even a twinkle in Noel's eye at that point. I was with two massive benders though, I was surprised they werne't singled out for accusations of sodomy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)

BECAUSE MY BONE-IDLE GASTROPOD OF A HOUSEMATE-AT-THE-TIME HAD
ONE OF THOSE FAT-REDUCING GRILLING GEORGE FOREMAN THINGS AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW BEST TO DISPOSE OF THE FAT COLLECTED FROM THE OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF MEAT HE GRILLED IN IT.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:34, Reply)

OK LOVE, THERE'S NO NEED TO SHOUT
Actually, that does pose a problem. Like how we have no idea how to get rid of about 15 litres of rainwater and stewed fagbutts...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:35, Reply)

See, you can't even make a candle out of that...

(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:37, Reply)

You're welcome to try, it's probably got plenty of tar.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:50, Reply)

you what?

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)

It's a vodka infusion.
Made with Marmite.

First encountered in the something-Star on a tour of the better pubs of Southampton. Later replicated to be an amusing christmas present by the then-Ms-Crow.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:08, Reply)

i guessed what it was...
i was just taken aback by the thought.
then again, jazz is marmite to some folks.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:10, Reply)

That sounds every kind of wrong that exists in the world.

(berk, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)

Depends how much you like Marmite
And how much you've had to drink before you decide it's worth trying again...
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:30, Reply)

Sober or drunk
I'd still rather lick a tramps arse, frankly.
(berk, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:32, Reply)

Take it you're not a fan or Marmite, then?

(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:34, Reply)

You could say that, yes.
I was in Selfriedges the other day and they had marmite chocolate. Marmite. Chocolate. *despairs*
(berk, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:38, Reply)

Yeah, I've tried that...
I have a friend who's a little obsessed with the stuff - has a little collection featuring all the silly champagne-yeast-marmites, the XO-yeast marmites and all that, and of course the chocolate. Rest assured, it's fairly revolting.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:41, Reply)

I repeat
Every. Kind. Of. Wrong. In. Yhe. World.

You'd do well to not make me feel nauseous right about now.
(berk, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:44, Reply)

what coltrane you on?
had kirk's wee free kings on earlier.
bliss.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)

Just had Love Supreme on
Now managed to find my copy of Olé Coltrane, which I've always thought was a better album, not least for the bowed bass solos on the title track.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)

2ndmrsblaireau may be heading for a divorce
if she doesn't come round to coltrane.
but she's foreign, so...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)

I've got to admit, I'm no expert
I love Olé and Love Supreme, but some of his stuff does get right up my nose. When he's good, he's excellent, but when he's bad, you want to stick that tenor sax right up his arse (e.g., I still don't like his reading of My Favourite Things. Done much better by Grant Green, if you ask me)
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:11, Reply)

fir doos.
dylan's just the same.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)

Update:
Olé Coltrane and red wine are now well and truly emptied; the time has come for Armagnac and The Oscar Peterson Trio Live at Newport, which is a fucking good combination, I can tell thee.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:48, Reply)

It might have done before the days of industrial distillation, when it was full of unrefined rubbish.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:36, Reply)

or if it were proper absinthe containing thujone from wormwood (artimesia absinthium)
rather than modern euro-absinthe or absinthe-replacement such as pastis which was introduced when proper absinthe was outlawed in france.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:48, Reply)

I'm pretty sure
that even in proper absinthe the wormwood proportion is not high enough that consumed in normal quantities it'll cause hallucinations
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:49, Reply)

And that thujone isn't a hallucinogen

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)

and you know this?
cos i know it is.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)

It's not been scientifically proved.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)

debatable. for years the same was said of fags.
concentrations in most modern absinthe too low to be of any use to man or beast.
non-euro absinthe a different kettle of fish.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)

depends if it's proper proper or not.

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 29 Jan 2011, 22:52, Reply)

Modern absinthe does not
however absinthe was originally some sort of distillation of wormwood, which can cause hallucinations. You can't buy proper absinthe any more though, because....it causes hallucinations.
(berk, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 23:23, Reply)