I surprised Ms Foxtrot with a bottle of Champers and a big box of Ferrero Rocher, which is her personal equivalent of crack
Once she'd finished teaching her Argentine Tango class, which I enjoyed more than I thought I would, I offered to cook her dinner or to go get takeaway for the sake of speed. She chose the latter, thank fuck.

In my ongoing quest to sample everything our excellent local Indian has to offer, I had Naga with lemon rice, which I can advise any fellow teflon-mouthed spice enthuiasts is an excellent combination. However, this morning I have had to make several trips to drop off the very reluctant kids at the pool. Why can't there just be a button you press to make it all flush out at once?

Oh my god, is this what it's like to have a period?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:07, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Not quite.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Morning Darth
Glad you had a good night, but can you limit your Glee related status updates to one a week please? It's making me hate you.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Morning sexy
It's making me enormously angry at the moment, I'm very tempted to MTFU and stop watching it. Last night it was alleged that all-boys' schools are a haven of understanding where gay men can be open about their sexuality in a peaceful environment. They're not. They're the most homophobic places on earth.

AND they massacred Livin' On A Prayer. Inexcusable.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Seriously, I'm going to stop talking to you.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Stopping now
Let's talk about all the interesting places in Bradford you're going to show me at the end of August
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:17, Reply)

If I'm still speaking to you.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Le sigh
*unzips, turns on camera phone*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:20, Reply)

You are awful
I'm in a bad mood. I've had three hours kip and have somehow ended up looking after a toddler. I just put her to bed, now I have to start the clean-up operation.

What the fuck is actually wrong with people who choose to have children?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Hormones, or something
Ms Foxtrot spent a good portion of last night looking desperately for a Ballroom competition to go to on May 8th, as she's been invited to a baby shower on that date. Being around that many fiercely ovulating women is unappealing, apparently
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Ugh, no doubt.
She's asleep now. I've had a fag, made a cuppa and turned off the unbelievable torrent of shite that is Cbeebies in favour of the unbelievable torrent of shite that is BBC Parliament. I might have a nap myself, my insomnia has been awful recently.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I can recommend being threatened with redundancy
seems to have cured my insomnia for the time being
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

No chance of that, I'm afraid.
My job makes it worse, given that I finish at 01.30 two nights a week and 02.30 on one. It's got to the point that I count sleeping before 08.00 as a 'win'.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I'm starting to think B3ta causes insomnia
having been suffering myself a little recently. Do we all subconsciously think about posts we responded to and what we could have said that would have been funnier?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)

nope, I'm pretty sure mine started long before b3ta

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I tend to just think
"Fuck, I can't sleep... I'll just read a few things I was putting off for tomorrow... Oh shit, it's 09.00 again... Fuck, I can't sleep (etc.)"
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Insomnia is an absolute bastard
It's possibly the most frsutrating thing in the known universe. Including Angry Birds
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Yeah, it's getting to the point where I'm missing work now.
Which I can't afford if I want to go party hard in Brighton next month. I'm out of prescription drugs I can mix in order to reach sleep, so I might go to the doctors and actually get my own.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:00, Reply)

does smoking spliffs work for you?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:06, Reply)

A little bit, but I don't like weed that much.
Plus, prescription drugs from friends are free.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

yeah, but they are likely to be much worse for you in the long run
I guess I am lucky in that I really like smoking weed, and it does wonders in helping me sleep
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I only take them when I absolutely *have* to be up the next day
I couldn't afford the weed anyway.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Its Toblerone for Mrs Cow
Ferrero Rocher are in the silver medal position

Nuclear shites are redressing the yin-yang balance of your anus and guts. Pleasure in - pain out
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Drink Guiness afterwards.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Really? Does that work?
Or is this some ploy to make me think I've got the Black Death when the morning shite is deathy in pallor?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I reckon the morning shit would reek to high heaven too

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:20, Reply)

And I live with two vegetarians
I can only do this when I've got the morning off. One shouldn't have to time one's curry & Guinness binges
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Ferrero Rocher are peasant Esso garage shite marketed as 'quality'.
Godiva or Charbonnel et Walker are good. If you like that sort of thing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:16, Reply)

She might like that sort of thing
but I fancy it's fucking expensive, just by the name. I can't afford to ply her with pricey chocs but can keep her in Ferrero Rocher. Therefore I choose not to investigate this yet, but will bear your suggestions in mind for when I win Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Don't you put yourself down.
You bought those peasant chocolates with your hard-earned dough.
Whereas Lord Montague has just maxed the cards again and is then looking down his nose.
I bet his sofa is from Brighthouse.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

who gives a shit if they are quality or not?
they taste nice. That is the sole requirement of chocolates.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:39, Reply)

You're new to Massive Snobbery, then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

not at all old chap
I am a massive snob, but not where food is concerned. Generally the more expensive things are more expensive because they are better. Not necessarily the case with chocolates however.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Montezuma's do a good one with chillis in it.
I actually coudn't give a toss about chocolate though. If I never ate it again I wouldn't be bothered at all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

I'm much more of a savoury man myself
I don't like chilli chocolate. Strange considering how much I love chilli in everything else.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Even...
there?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)

don't be silly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:58, Reply)

This
I can't stand them myself - nuts - but she fucking loves them. I reckon if I presented her with that tower on a tray off the old "oooh, ambassadeurrr" advert she would actually spontaneously orgasm
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

then you should definitely give it a try

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

And then say "Ooh, hold on a minute luv, Mr Kipling's on the doorstep with the Man from Del Monte."
Norfolk would be flooded!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

If I do that I bring myself one step closer to obsolesence
She doesn't want kids and we don't have a lawn to mow. If she discovers a tool for opening awkward jars she'll have no use for me at all.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:52, Reply)

she already has a tool for opening awkward jars

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Bazinga!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Very good

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:01, Reply)