Have a poem instead.
It's simply called 'Monty'.

Pigslut, Dogslut, Filthslut, Whore!
Lie face down upon my floor!
Then urgent thrusting; muffled screams,
As my vast girth splits his seams.

And breathe.

Edit: Too much?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:59, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

O_o

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

needs more musk

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Don't we all

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Perhaps pheremones
...is a kinder term.

Edit: Oh, they're spellt 'pherOmones'. Perhaps best stick with musk then.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Not when it comes out of your arse

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Anyone who's
spent any time loitering watchfully round an A&E department will tell you that a veritable cornucopia of treasures can be found up the human fundament. Musk is but a minor bauble by comparison.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

I like this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Ahah!
Face down on the floor means your comical Beadle-thighs cease to be an issue, yes? Good work.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Wicked Child!
*slaps hard and often*

My thighs are AVERAGE. It's just that hers are longer!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:44, Reply)