I win the Alt question with this copy and pasted story from QOTW
I was in hospital for an operation on my leg. I needed major reconstruction (the results of which can be seen here and was going to be out for the count for a long while so they put a catheter in. For women this is a small tube but for guys it’s quite long.

I came round and the operation had gone as planned and I now just had to stay in bed for about a week.
The next day they took the catheter out and gave me a bottle to pee in too.
Three days later I started pissing blood. “It’s just blood in your urine” they said, “It's nothing to worry about. (Lying cunts)
So I’m lying there, not pissing with blood just pouring out of the end of my cock as if I was pissing. A friendly nurse holds the end of Mr Winkle whilst another cuts off all my pubic hair. They tell me to hold tight. It is about midnight. I hold.

It’s now morning. Clots are forming in my cock; they come out like cherries, bloody horrible cherries coming out of MY COCK! It’s horrible. I have filled several pee bottles with blood and still they keep telling me it’s blood in my urine. I am 22 years old and crying for my mummy.

Midday, mummy arrives. I am humiliated. I am holding my cock desperately trying to stop the bleeding, filling bottles with blood clots and crying whilst lying on bed sheets soaked in blood. “What’s going on?” she asks the nurse “Oh don’t worry it’s just blood in the urine” she replies sounding a little more nervous. “We’ve called for the urologist he will be here soon.

It’s now about 6 O’clock. Shift change. Man comes in to take my blood pressure. “Hmmmm this can’t be right he says and scuttles off to find another machine, it says the same. He calls the head nurse and tells her its wrong and all the machines have broken. She tells him that it’s probably right and that they have been trying to get someone up for hours to stop the bleeding.

7 O’clock arrives and finally the urologist arrives. He says “Oh nothing to worry about just a bit of blood in the urine” he does some checks and says “Oh……. Ummmm damn……..NURSE!”

Turns out it wasn’t blood in my urine. In fact he (for it was the same urologist) had had some trouble getting the catheter in and had stabbed me through the walls of the urethra with a blunt catheter tube, there was now a large clot sitting on the cut which had prevented the bleeding from stopping. All this time they nurses had been phoning him and he had been telling them not to worry as it was blood in the urine and was quite common, they had relayed that information to me but not really believed it. I had been bleeding as if I was pissing cherries for 19 hours. The only way to stop it was to…….put the catheter back in, so that’s what they did and fuck it hurt. Then finally someone has the sense to ask “How long has he been bleeding like that?”

I remember lying there in a bed soaked in brown thick sticky blood, feeling way too hot and suddenly a cold feeling came over my body, it was wonderful. “I feel cold” I said. Suddenly it was panic stations everyone was running around me and a new doctor I hadn’t seen was literally stabbing a needle in to my wrist trying to find a vein. They started pumping saline in to me and I started to warm up. “I’m to hot! I’m too hot!” I shouted “Don’t worry “They said “Hot is good” all of a sudden the same wave of coldness washed over me and I said “Oh that’s better its nice and cold”

And that’s all I remember.

I woke up in the intensive care ward with a triple tap attached to my elbow crook pumping blood in to me. I felt shit but I was alive. I had lost over 5 pints of blood and if I hadn’t have been in a hospital I would be dead.
They let me out after 12 days but I had to have the catheter for another 2 weeks after that and they are horrible, they get infected and make you feel like you need to pee though of course with one in you never need to. I had to empty the bag all the bloody time and you had no control over how fast it filled up.

I am however happy to report that my cock made a full recovery as this SFW evidence shows
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:38, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You win.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:41, Reply)

I'm sure if you had a cock you would have some tales to tell.

( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

I'm happy with my foo foo thanks.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Any interesting medical tales about it?

( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

See above.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I have no idea why
but when I read it first I read it as "knee first" now I see it's foo foo first I am more impressed
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Thank you : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

dunno mate, in some sort of freak revenge plot from mother nature s
she has made your kid a ginger.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

I don't know what's up with your monitor but she's clearly not ginger
See
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:46, Reply)

bless, she's cured!
was only teasing pal.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

There's teasing and there's being downright fucking harsh
If she was ginger she wouldn't have made it home. Incidentally she was born with black hair.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)

they are en endangered species now you must protect the ginger.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

She's got an ace name, ginger or not

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:46, Reply)

She does indeed
Maybe its the red sofa but she's not ginger. My niece is though hahahahaha my sister had a kid with a ginger guy and it came out ginger!
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Haha
It's terribly confusing, the best shag I've ever had was with a ginger lass
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

The only ginger lass I ever shagged was pretty good too
Didn't know she was ginger until we were shagging though, she wore neon pink and purple wigs.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

I knew in advance
No excuse I know, but fucking hell, this lass was magic!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Perhaps it's like fat lasses
they try harder.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Aye, that's likely

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:59, Reply)

And old lasses.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Fat lasses and old lasses are like mopeds
A great ride until your mates see you.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

: (

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

How'd you like to be my moped?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Oh shit =/

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)