Turns out I'm not going deaf and am fine to play the drums again.
When did you last have good news from the doctor?

alt q: worst medical experience?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:13, 176 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

This is the worst day for OT threads in a long time.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

you do one then, I'm not fussed pal.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:18, Reply)

About 2 years ago, when the Doctor told me my asthma was really improving, and that soon I should look at lowering the number of doses I take
I've had it all my life, so progress is all good!

Alt Q: When I was about 3, my parents had to call a doctor out about 3 times a week, as I needed a nebuliser every time. However, as I don't remember that, I'd say it was the night my brother and I got jumped. That was not fun.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:16, Reply)

when DJTP was a little shaver
he had a bad attack of croup, got a very fast ride in an ambulance with all the flashers going, and had to spend a week in an oxygen tent.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Talk about a bad day.
There you are in an ambulance and to make matters worse the medics start flashing at you. There's a time and a place, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Who by, Neil Buchanan and his hard mates?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:14, Reply)

Haven't really had any
Had my wisdom teeth out and that's about it.
( Kroney, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

"Well, you're definitely not pregnant"
Alt: Anything with needles.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Big phobia, or just not fond of them?
Needles, not children
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Biiiiig phobia.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Oof, I have real sympathy for anyone like that
Girl from high school had one, I had to hold her hand every time she got an injection (we were friends), she was awful.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Why would you voluntarily get your nipple pierced then you big spastic?
I don't play with cling film!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

oi
where have you been?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Tribunal

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Mobiles are banned in my office so I'm actually having to do work

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Facing my fears, innit
Also, I'm a retard.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:02, Reply)

I like your sig. I also like town.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:09, Reply)

What a coincidence,
Me too!
I like town.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:15, Reply)

It was quite nice to be told I wasn't allergic to wheat
But I knew that anyway, based on the fact that practically everything I eat contains wheat, and I'm not dead.

alt: At the moment. I have waited two and a half fucking weeks for a GPs appointment, and the fuckers rung me yesterday (at 8.30 a.m.!!!) and postponed it until Monday. By which point I'll probably be blind.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:25, Reply)

As long as you can see at our wedding, that is the main thing.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Not if the GPs have their way
I've had early symptoms of a detatched retina for a month now, and I just need a GP's appointment so I can get a hospital appointment. In a way, I'm hoping it does detatch, just so I can get it sorted quicker.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Dang.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I could decorate my white stick all nice and sparkly for our big day.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Oof

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

At my surgery, if you want a specific doctor appointment, you have to wait weeks, but if you don't care what doctor you see, you can get a "Sit'n'wait", but they tend to be used up by 9, you have to call them at exactly 8:29, so when they pick up, their c
omputer systems switch on
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

Mine used to be "on the day only"
You had to ring and ring and ring at 8 a.m., and by about 8.15 they were all out of appointments. I'm not sure which system is worse.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:05, Reply)

"Don't worry, there's a chance you'll be able to walk again"
At least that's how I chose to hear "There's a chance you'll never walk again". Natural optimist me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Bloody hell
it was that bad? Exactly how fast were you going when you hit that barbeque?
(berk, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:31, Reply)

My full sprinting speed
The break was close to the knee, that's what caused issues. Plus Doctors are very hesitant to give anything other than possible worst case scenarios, so you can't sue them if it goes wrong.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Ouch.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Best experience: your heart is fine you fat bastard.
Worst experience: having the gall bladder removed in an emergency. The scar is well over a foot long, they must have delivered an alien or something.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

i never ever go to the doctor
which is about as good as it gets, i think.

also never had a medical experience good or bad, other than routine stuff like injections, thank god.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Not even a trip to the STD clinic?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:30, Reply)

I had to have an impacted wisdom tooth out
whilst being sick as a dog from the antibiotics they gave me. I also had a period of about 6 months where I was in agony -proper blinding I'm going to be sick and fall over and cry agony - about 80% of the time and the local hospital refused to investigate because I'd had private surgery. That the two things were clearly unrelated didn't seem to matter, and eventually it resolved on its own anyway.
(berk, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:30, Reply)

"It's nothing to worry about"
never did I think I'd be so glad to have had a man fondle my nuts.

Had very few medical experiences. Injections in the roof the mouth are probably the worst.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:34, Reply)

This^
PHEW doesn't come close
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Being told I didn't have cancer was quite good news.
Being tested for it was far from fun.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Did the doctor check your prostate with both hands on your shoulders?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:37, Reply)

Hahaha
You mean the 'doctor'....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Aged about 5 or so and falling off a wall and landing foo foo first on a large stone, then having to be stiched.
I still have the scar.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:38, Reply)

So, Jeff wasn't the first to rock your world?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:39, Reply)

You're good today.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Thank you

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

On your vajayjay?
That is just... ouch.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I no rite.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:41, Reply)

If it's possible
My ladyparts now feel ill.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

I win the Alt question with this copy and pasted story from QOTW
I was in hospital for an operation on my leg. I needed major reconstruction (the results of which can be seen here and was going to be out for the count for a long while so they put a catheter in. For women this is a small tube but for guys it’s quite long.

I came round and the operation had gone as planned and I now just had to stay in bed for about a week.
The next day they took the catheter out and gave me a bottle to pee in too.
Three days later I started pissing blood. “It’s just blood in your urine” they said, “It's nothing to worry about. (Lying cunts)
So I’m lying there, not pissing with blood just pouring out of the end of my cock as if I was pissing. A friendly nurse holds the end of Mr Winkle whilst another cuts off all my pubic hair. They tell me to hold tight. It is about midnight. I hold.

It’s now morning. Clots are forming in my cock; they come out like cherries, bloody horrible cherries coming out of MY COCK! It’s horrible. I have filled several pee bottles with blood and still they keep telling me it’s blood in my urine. I am 22 years old and crying for my mummy.

Midday, mummy arrives. I am humiliated. I am holding my cock desperately trying to stop the bleeding, filling bottles with blood clots and crying whilst lying on bed sheets soaked in blood. “What’s going on?” she asks the nurse “Oh don’t worry it’s just blood in the urine” she replies sounding a little more nervous. “We’ve called for the urologist he will be here soon.

It’s now about 6 O’clock. Shift change. Man comes in to take my blood pressure. “Hmmmm this can’t be right he says and scuttles off to find another machine, it says the same. He calls the head nurse and tells her its wrong and all the machines have broken. She tells him that it’s probably right and that they have been trying to get someone up for hours to stop the bleeding.

7 O’clock arrives and finally the urologist arrives. He says “Oh nothing to worry about just a bit of blood in the urine” he does some checks and says “Oh……. Ummmm damn……..NURSE!”

Turns out it wasn’t blood in my urine. In fact he (for it was the same urologist) had had some trouble getting the catheter in and had stabbed me through the walls of the urethra with a blunt catheter tube, there was now a large clot sitting on the cut which had prevented the bleeding from stopping. All this time they nurses had been phoning him and he had been telling them not to worry as it was blood in the urine and was quite common, they had relayed that information to me but not really believed it. I had been bleeding as if I was pissing cherries for 19 hours. The only way to stop it was to…….put the catheter back in, so that’s what they did and fuck it hurt. Then finally someone has the sense to ask “How long has he been bleeding like that?”

I remember lying there in a bed soaked in brown thick sticky blood, feeling way too hot and suddenly a cold feeling came over my body, it was wonderful. “I feel cold” I said. Suddenly it was panic stations everyone was running around me and a new doctor I hadn’t seen was literally stabbing a needle in to my wrist trying to find a vein. They started pumping saline in to me and I started to warm up. “I’m to hot! I’m too hot!” I shouted “Don’t worry “They said “Hot is good” all of a sudden the same wave of coldness washed over me and I said “Oh that’s better its nice and cold”

And that’s all I remember.

I woke up in the intensive care ward with a triple tap attached to my elbow crook pumping blood in to me. I felt shit but I was alive. I had lost over 5 pints of blood and if I hadn’t have been in a hospital I would be dead.
They let me out after 12 days but I had to have the catheter for another 2 weeks after that and they are horrible, they get infected and make you feel like you need to pee though of course with one in you never need to. I had to empty the bag all the bloody time and you had no control over how fast it filled up.

I am however happy to report that my cock made a full recovery as this SFW evidence shows
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:38, Reply)

You win.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:41, Reply)

I'm sure if you had a cock you would have some tales to tell.

( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

I'm happy with my foo foo thanks.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Any interesting medical tales about it?

( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

See above.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I have no idea why
but when I read it first I read it as "knee first" now I see it's foo foo first I am more impressed
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Thank you : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

dunno mate, in some sort of freak revenge plot from mother nature s
she has made your kid a ginger.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

I don't know what's up with your monitor but she's clearly not ginger
See
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:46, Reply)

bless, she's cured!
was only teasing pal.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

There's teasing and there's being downright fucking harsh
If she was ginger she wouldn't have made it home. Incidentally she was born with black hair.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)

they are en endangered species now you must protect the ginger.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

She's got an ace name, ginger or not

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:46, Reply)

She does indeed
Maybe its the red sofa but she's not ginger. My niece is though hahahahaha my sister had a kid with a ginger guy and it came out ginger!
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Haha
It's terribly confusing, the best shag I've ever had was with a ginger lass
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

The only ginger lass I ever shagged was pretty good too
Didn't know she was ginger until we were shagging though, she wore neon pink and purple wigs.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

I knew in advance
No excuse I know, but fucking hell, this lass was magic!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Perhaps it's like fat lasses
they try harder.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Aye, that's likely

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:59, Reply)

And old lasses.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Fat lasses and old lasses are like mopeds
A great ride until your mates see you.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

: (

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

How'd you like to be my moped?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Oh shit =/

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Rang dang diggedy dang a dang

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Vision dreams of passion?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Got it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I see your Melle Mel
and raise you 'a-ringa-ranga-dong for a hol-ee-day'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Oh my god is that those dutch cunts, errrrrrrrmm
Oh the name escapes me and I don't want to cheat with Google!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Schteve and the Schlong-wranglersch?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)

MC Schteve and DJ Schlong-wrangler

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

It was Madonna's Holiday, but with euro rap and I willl KICK myself when you tell me

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

MC Miker Gee and DJ Sven. Without Googling, that was.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:51, Reply)

FUCK YOU!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Sadly, I never needed to Google it either.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

When a record is THAT bad, it stays with you forever.
*sticks on the Goombay Dance Band*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

My sister had a copy of it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I wish I was Albert Gubay.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:56, Reply)

seven tears!
yay!

Didn't have to google that one. My capacity for listening to shit pop is enormous.

EDIT: I can also tell you it was from 1981.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Mc Miker G and DJ Sven.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

I can smell toast like Nana makes.
I'm starving.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Same
No lunch today though *sadface*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:46, Reply)

You can smell Nana's toast as well?
WTF is she up to?
And why no lunch?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I've smelled your Nana's 'toast' nuff times blud.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Easy

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Hardly - I had to buy her four pints of mild.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Carlsberg, Guinness or Martini
would have got you there sooner.
My other nana was partial to a half a mild or a double whiskey.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:56, Reply)

you ain't seen nothin' 'til you're down on a muffin

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Scrape off the black bits, and it's good to go?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

bleurgh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I was going to say something about butter, but it was already pretty sickening

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:58, Reply)

some good work there

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:03, Reply)

that works for slaves too.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Mind was seriously preoccupied this morning, completely forgot to pick my lunch up
And as it's the day before payday, am skint. Waiting for my workmate to finish with this customer, then I'll borrow a couple of quid off him. Could be another hour though...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

One of my worst was having a garden fork removed from my foot by two nurses.
There was pain, squelching, scratching and scraping before a popping noise and a fountain of blood shooting out of my foot. And having my artery clamped when I cut my wrist open (accidentally) was fucking intense.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Accidentally?
Yeah right, fucking emo.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:51, Reply)

I was 18 and my friend bet me 20 quid I couldnt punch through the toilet wall.
I could, but the plaster and tiles slashed my wrist open, it was very surreall for a few minutes.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

HOOOOOOOOOONDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ACOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!

( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I know, I was (am) a massive tit when I was younger.
I should have mentioned how I fucked all the ambulance workers then took all the morphine before continuing to party.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:56, Reply)

That's not very sceneXcore emo

( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:59, Reply)

I don't even know what that means.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

No-one does

( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

EMO

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

how the tables have turned, touche!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

After my last major operation, a stomach one where they cut out loads of colon, I stayed at my mums for 5 months to recover to the point where I can go home.
Every few days, a nurse came 'round to clean up my wonds and all that, but one day, a granny nurse rested her hand on my cock. She's not the first nurse to do this, it's a simple case of her resting her hand down while her other hand cleans up the wonds. I normally point it out and they go 'whoops" and that is that, they don't realise they're doing it. I'm like "errrrm...., sorry, your hand...", and they laugh and move it, but this granny-nurse didn't quite get the hint, and I was to embarassed to say anything. And then, and this is the worst bit, A SPIDER FALLS FROM HER HAIR INTO MY HEALING WOUND and skuttles off.

She didn't seem to notice, but it was proper grim.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:51, Reply)

OH MY GOD

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Argh! What the cunting fuck?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

Grim but funny.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

I like this.
Spider-gran, spider-gran etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:56, Reply)

wait, what?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 19:55, Reply)

Haha, classic gonz.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 20:08, Reply)

Good news for you mate
Your neighbours, not so much

Good news from the doctor... do opticians count? "Your macular degeneration seems to have stabilised, as long as this trend continues you should retain your eyesight well into your 50's" is the closest I can manage. Paraphrased.

Alt: when I was 18 I got an eye infection that required me to have my eyeballs scraped. Then there was the infamous anal swab
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

'Swab'?
Yeah right.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

by "swab" he means a pirate

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Angry pirate?
Jizz in her eye, kick her in the shin, punch her in the gut?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:56, Reply)

*sigh*
207.44.242.20/questions/matron/post663136
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:01, Reply)

yeah due to an infection in my u traction tube? or something the pressure is off and my ear drum
is rigid, should clear up with this new spray in a few days.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

eustachion
possibly
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

that's the one!!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Eustachian tube?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:56, Reply)

Yep - mine are fucked up
so it feels like I'm underwater most of the time.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I might have to have my eyes zapped with lasers soon
myopiafail :(
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:58, Reply)

HAVE to have?
Getting your eyes lasered on the NHS is the biggest win I can imagine
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Not to fix them
They're unfixable anyway.

Just when my retina detatches. I will be able to smell my eyeball burning. What the actual fuck? Who pays for that? I may be a bit scared.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Oooooh shit
You poor thing. Does your retina detatch often?

Worst chat-up line EVER
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Never happened before
I've had the 'early warning signs' for a month now. It's because I'm so short sighted, my eyes are shaped like rugby balls. I have been told that my retinas have stretch marks on them.

How unsexy is that?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Eh, still would
Better there than on your boobs

Also; really sorry to hear you're having such a shite time with your eyes honey, even if you having poor eyesight bodes well for my chances of shagging you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Shut up, you perv.
How's Eric? My cats are arriving TODAY.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Yaaaaay!
Great news :-) shouldn't expect to hear from you for a few days then?

Eric is recovering gradually I think, he's still weak but his fur looks less sparse and he's running about more, even though it leaves him out of breath quickly. He managed a whole almond yesterday which is a step up from the non-solids he's been on so far, and we have another 3 days of antibiotics to give him yet.

Thank you for asking, lovely person :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Looklooklook
The two at the front that are HUGGING: s787.photobucket.com/albums/yy155/belladonnaanodyne/?action=view¤t=cats.jpg

Glad to hear Eric is a bit better :)
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Awwwwwwwww!
You're so lucky
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:31, Reply)

mmm burning eye cells

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:02, Reply)

I fancy a creme egg now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

I think my worst ever medical experience was whenI had a kidney infection.
Feeling shit most of the week. Went to A&E on Sunday after passing out, to be told it was a urine infection and given antibiotics.

By Wed night feeling shitter, spent the whole night shivering on the bathroom floor, throwing up, not being able to stand without passing out. By 6am I felt I could wake mr b3th, who told me off and took me straight back to hospital.

Turns out it was a pretty serious kidney infection which hadn't responded to the initial dose of meds, and if I'd left it another two days I might not have got better. I spent the whole morning shivering and crying in agony - the pain was in my abdomen, strangely enough, not the kidneys themselves.
The nurses wouldn't let me have another blanket, because it seems that my shivering wasn't caused by being cold, but was something called 'rigours', and that my temperature was dangerously high. Took the bastards until 2pm before they gave me anything stronger than paracetamol as well.

mr b3th's wprst medical experience came a year later when I went in for a routine day surgery. He got called in because 'something had gone wrong' and when he got there and asked to see me, they said 'would you mind just coming to this little room here?'

As it happened, I hadn't died, but I had come relatively close after a dangerous episode of anaphylaxis. Yay me.

tl;dr - I was ill and got better.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

I went to see a psychiatrist a couple of years ago
because I was really fucking down. When I told him my list of woes he basically said 'there's nothing wrong with you at all - your life genuinely is really fucking depressing and actually you're coping remarkably well, off you go'.

Does that count as 'good news'?

Alt: due to an inherited gastric condition I have had a telescope up my 'sultan'. Not fun.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:07, Reply)

it's the way you tell em,
Bill Murray eat your knob off.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:09, Reply)

I don't understand your reply.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

There is this punk-rock band called "Greenday" and they did this song called "Basckit case" (only spelt right), they had the following lyrics in that song
I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
She says it's lack of sex
That's bringing me down
I went to a whore
He said my life's a bore
So quit my whining cause
It's bringing her down
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Are you suggesting that a trip to a prozzie might cheer me up?
I shall give it a go, but if Lusty finds out, I'm telling her you told me to, OK?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I'll cheer you up.
*books train ticket*
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:15, Reply)

*Googles 'rubber sheet retailers in East London'*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Yeah, like you dont know where to buy them....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Plus I already own four of them.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I did psychology at A-Level
and all it taught me was that its all a load of shit and 99% of people have the means to help themselves but like the drama in their lives. Most just need to cheer the fuck up and accept that no matter how bad things are for you there are many people in the world who have it a fuckload worse.
( Peej, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:14, Reply)

I only went
because my ex made it a condition of my being allowed to see my daughter. Load of old bollocks, I have always maintained.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:15, Reply)

Hang on.......
She made your life hell and then said you couldn't see you daughter unless you saw a shrink?
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Yes. That is entirely correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:17, Reply)

*shakes head in disbelief*

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Finding out this sort of thing about me
may help you to understand why I am such a miserable old cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Understanding isn't the problem.
It's the not being able to help that sucks.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

nah, you'd make him see a shrink before seeing your kids too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

There is nothing wrong with Monty a good women couldn't fix.
And she seems to be working her magic already.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:40, Reply)

Why should she have to fix the mental old goat?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:43, Reply)

She likes him.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Well I hope he keeps his socks pulled up

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:54, Reply)

*nods head in agreement*

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Or maaaaybe she knows something we dont.
Underage goats was it?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

They looked older.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:32, Reply)

And all those photos?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

this is why it takes more than an A level to become a psychologist.
you fucking idiot.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 20:01, Reply)

someone start a new thread now
someone who never does it.....

i nominate BERK or LAMPITO who are excellent contributors but never start a thread. i predict excellence will result. go!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I did one
I'm hungover so it's shit.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Getting 8 stitches around my eye stung slightly
if I chose my one. Worst one was taking my daughter for an operation to straighten her toes out and her passing out in my arms when they were injecting the anaesthetic - sadface....

She is all fine now though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

G'day, Sport.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Morning! (even though it is afternoon)
I have had a cracking day off on Tuesday, balanced with a trip to Easington on Wednesday and Hartlepool today. Ho hum

How are your monetary woes progressing?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I have a plan from a debt charity to implement: it's fucking horrendous.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:31, Reply)

But it is a way forward

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

You've had a good run at the sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle Monty.

( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Say it sister.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 13:40, Reply)