That timeless classic, spiders. Creepy fucking things.
For smugness - Patrick Jane from The Mentalist
For hotness - Emily Prentiss from Criminal Minds
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:20, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My ex boss was terrified of them
We spotted one on his desk and put a plastic cup over it. My, how he screamed.
Next day he came into an entire desk of cups, all of which had a small piece of torn black bin bag under them. It took him about an hour to clear them as he was convinced more spiders were under them
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:23, Reply)

No, see, if there's a spider on your desk what you do is, you hit it with the stationery catalogue.
Then you ring up the stationery company for a new catalogue, then you use the new catalogue to order a new desk.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Thoughtful planning

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:47, Reply)

What an utter bender
Unless you live in the Australian outback, in which case fair dos
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:45, Reply)

A spider's hearing is in its legs
Seriously. Put a spider on a table, yell "BOO!" at it and it runs off, scared. Rip its legs off and do the same and it just sits there. Can't hear you.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:30, Reply)

A varient of this was the first joke i ever learnt
things haven't got much better
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:32, Reply)

First joke I ever heard was the Doctor Who "Knock knock" joke
I heard it shortly before having the living fuck scared out of me by the Cybermen and hated it thereafter

I was 6, alright
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Jane is pretty smug
I quite like the Mentalist
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:34, Reply)

...or Monty as we call him

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:35, Reply)

I thought that was Monty's ex?

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Takes one to know one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 22 Mar 2011, 15:42, Reply)