'Kirsty Young'
For the terrible terrible job she does of replacing La Bruce on Crimewatch. I actually gave up crime when she took over- I used to get a thrill out of La Bruce describing me and my crimes in that velvety, disgusted tone of voice.

Alt- probably Merthyr Tydfil. Or Tillydrone in Aberdeen. Or Wester Hailes in Edinburgh
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:18, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I quite like Kirsty Young
I bet she gets her back doors ram-raided of a weekend
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:20, Reply)

She's no Fiona Bruce.
Get to the back of the queue.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Merthyr is a dump, as is Pontypridd
Those two are a close second and third to Coventry on my list of "Places to Never, Ever go to Ever, Ever Again."
( Kroney, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I went to University in Pontypridd.
I was a stoner student so stayed in and got baked mainly.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Fucking hell, so did I.
You're the same age I am, so I was probably in your year.
( Kroney, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Blimey.
I did English Studies. My halls in the first year were UB and I was there 98-2001.

I passed on the space docking module though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I also did English.
Space docking wasn't on the syllabus then, though.
( Kroney, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:25, Reply)

which modules?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Mostly the writing ones
I tried to avoid doing any serious work whilst I was there.
( Kroney, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I did Creative Writing in the first year.
I was probably in your workshops. At the very least I must have been in some of your Lit modules. IIRC, in the first year you had to do Lit, Language & Creative Writing. Gaz me to see if I remember you. I had a shaved head and several piercings. Wore a wallet chain and very baggy trousers. Rode a skateboard.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Port Talbot
One hotel and one safe bar
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Being of above average intelligence, I have never been to Port Talbot
Being possessed of below average common sense, however, I have been to Swansea.
( Kroney, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Work visit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Not really a character though, eh

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:21, Reply)

She is a character.
She plays the role of 'BBC milf presenting Crimewatch'.

Unfortunately there was a terrible casting mistake and instead of 'BBC milf' they went for 'BBC bint'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Ah, I see
Where do you stand on Claudia Winkleman?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Pregnant or unpregnant?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:25, Reply)

One then the other

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I think I maybe would.
Depends if Fiona Bruce was available or not.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Let's assume she isn't
I think that can be written into any conceivable celebrity fantasy we put to you, along with "let's assume she's single and up for it"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Only if she was in black stockings.
That would make it bearable.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Done
I'll set it up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Excellent.
Thanks. I'll gaz you a detailed account of it all later.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:49, Reply)

POIDH mate
POV please, I have no desire to see you naked, contrary to predictable expectations
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:52, Reply)

POV would mean you would have my tumescent cock in every frame.
Not doing your reputation as a quending mincer any favours here, are you?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Better than your face

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 11:00, Reply)

So you would rather see my cock than my face?
This is just reinforcing your reputation as a militant homosexual.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 11:00, Reply)

No, I'm saying you're ugly
Duh
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 11:02, Reply)

You are saying that you would rather look at an erect cock than a man's face.
Bearing in mind that the face is the most visible and recognisable part of a person, you are saying that you prefer the look of erect cocks to normal, everyday visual cues that enable recognition and non-verbal communication.

Make of that what you will, confused sexuality fans.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 11:03, Reply)

No, just your face
:-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 11:05, Reply)

No, just my erect cock.
Darth you utter bender.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Usually on her face.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:25, Reply)

milf
but an annoying one. Less makeup and less fringe please
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Agreed on the makeup and fringe
She cracks me up though. She seems to be the only person involved with SCD who's taking it as seriously as it deserves to be (ie not very)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:31, Reply)

She always seem to be very annoying on Film 2011.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Haven't seen her on that
Gave up watching it during the Jonathan Ross years, because he obviously had no bloody idea what he was talking about
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Neither does she.
Always disagreeing with Danny Leigh, who actually knows something about films. I'm almost willing to put a bet on a shouting match at some point.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Brilliant idea, right
Danny Vivien
shouting jelly wrestling
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Fuck yeah!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Preferably Vivien Leigh "classic", though
not as she is now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Yeah, this is true.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Take 3 points
For either knowing who Vivien Leigh is, or bullshitting convincingly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)