Functions: I can sneeze at impressive and unsettling volume, and have also been known to spontaneously erupt in a nosebleed big enough to drown a small child
However, since half the people on here have mistaken 'function' for 'feature' I shall follow suit and say my hair: even though it's been mutilated to an acceptable-for-a-job-interview-length, I'm still proud of it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:24, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

It looked like you'd been in some kind of epic fight
at the bash
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:32, Reply)

It was a mite embarrassing, to say the least
Particularly since I hadn't had one in months - possibly even a couple of years.

Worse still, it recurred last week, just as I really had to leave for work, resulting in my having to walk in with a wad of tissue surreptitiously stuffed up on nostril, and my head angled slightly downward in the hope nobody would notice.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:35, Reply)

you need to start making up good stories to explain them

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:37, Reply)

What, better than
"I just blew my nose a bit too hard, and suddenly the bathroom looked like the opening scene from Carrie"?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:39, Reply)

'It's fine, I just have an enormous bathtub speed habit'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:41, Reply)

"It's fine, my manpon just fell out"

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:43, Reply)

"A small child urgently needed a blood transfusion,
so I jabbed the hollowed-out casing of a biro into their arm, then punched myself in the face and dangled my nose over the other end."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:48, Reply)

'It's fine, I'm one of those spasticated goth pseudo-vampire wankers - I just spilt my lunch'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:49, Reply)

Right up my own nose?
That would be an impressive degree of spastication, admittedly...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:54, Reply)

perhaps you were hanging upside down
like a bat
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:56, Reply)

"I met Darth in person. 'Eye-wateringly camp' doesn't even begin to cover it. 'Nose-bleedingly bent,' on the other hand..."

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:56, Reply)