Duh!
Then you catch the bears and the deer, whilst they're distracted by your produce, and eat them.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:18, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

I mean, deer is okay, but it's not my favorite.
One time we were out smoking and it started snowing and the bear was in the neighbors yard, my roommate tried to get a photo but the snow was fucking up the picture, so I offered to smack it on the ass to get it to come closer. They said no and that I couldn't outrun the bear.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:22, Reply)

You wouldn't have to outrun the bear
you only have to outrun your friend.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:25, Reply)

right! they're stupid, I so couldn've ran to the house too, it's not like the bear would've tried to get in
it would've just pawed at the screen door and wondered why his paw didn't go through
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I've heard they can't get up stairs
Or maybe I'm thinking of daleks...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

They totally can't, like how cows can't walk downstairs or whatever

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Ah, well there's your fallback mechanism.
Even if the bear can climb the stairs, park a cow halfway up and prod it to go downstairs - they'll never get past one another! Imagine the hilarity that could ensue!

Edit: Especially if the cow and bear are both British; they'll be too polite to argue about it and spend hours trying to work out how they can get around one another whilst minimising conversation and eye contact.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

or, right, or I could just get bear spray

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I thought that was to stop your bear falling out of place?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Those women in the 60s who had massive bearhive hairdos used to go through entire cans of that stuff at a time.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:34, Reply)

It's a vaginal deodorant for when they're 'on'

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:35, Reply)

EXACTLY
if I spray it all over the ground, AND the bear, I could keep him as a lawn ornament. Give him pretty clothes and feed him out of the palm of my hand.
It's a bit like stockholm for bears.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

do you mean Stockholm Syndrome?
or actually Stockholm? because if it's the latter I think you need to learn a bit more about Sweden.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Syndrome.
Please take your smarty pants self elsewhere.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:38, Reply)

sorry, I found it really amusing to think of a city full of bears stuck to the ground
with people feeding them
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:40, Reply)

we should do it

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Definitely

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Isn't it to attract big hairy bearded lumberjack type men?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:39, Reply)

I love this mental picture.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:34, Reply)

It definitely does deserve a great eal of recognition.


EDIT: or a great DEAL of recognition.

*hands over great eel of recognition*
Please accept this eel as a token of our appreciation for your post.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:35, Reply)