i don't like unsolved mysteries
i spent the whole hot, steamy and disgusting (and not in a good way) tube journey this morning trying to work out what sex the indeterminate Thing sitting opposite me was. it is just rude to be that irritatingly unclear.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:03, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm going to go out on a limb here
and say that you're almost certain to get some sort of Nobel prize in your lifetime.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)

sigh
EL
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

they don't do Nobel prizes for eviction, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

it's ok, i'll have a literature one
as ridiculously there seem to be people out there who want to publish my shit. i think you would describe it as bridget jones meets jilly cooper. how can that NOT win a nobel prize??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

The only way that humanity could benefit from bridget jones meeting jilly cooper
is if the two met in an inescapable pit of starving wolves.

But, since the world appears to be populated with fuckwitted shit-tards who will not only read but actually pay for that tripe, then good on you. Might as well be you as anyone.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

silly badger, bridget jones isn't a real person
she's a literary figure, conceived and poured onto paper by journalist-turned-novelist-turned-full-time-mum helen fielding. so the wolves couldn't eat her. and jilly cooper is just made of plastic these days. so the wolves couldn't eat her either.

the sad truth, according to the myriad of publishers and agents who have come to talk to my masters class at oxford, is that only 2 things really sell in volume these days: chick-lit and vampire fiction. anything else, you are in the lap of the gods as to whether you are one of the 10 books or so that tesco chooses to sell every month, or that richard and judy put in their book club... it is v depressing from a reader's perspective.

great from a writer's perspective, if like me you churn out that sort of chick-lit shit, however. the rest of my highbrow literary class went pale.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I was going to put Helen Fielding
but wolves are too good for her. I'd happily take Renee Whatsherface as the Jones subsitute.

I am well aware of the sad truth.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Swipey, I was wondering, you're a young go-getter climbing the corporate ladder of success to dazzling new heights....
... how do you find the time for the men in your life AND look so fabulous at the same time?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

the men have to know their place, gonz
and the looks... what can i say? it's all natural.

far, far too natural some would say.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)