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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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« Go Back | Popular

Start the day by sharing a FACT-BOMB! about you.
I'll go first. Chicks dig me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:13, 346 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I have to alert air traffic control if I plan on getting an erection

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:14, Reply)
I have a fabulous bum.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:22, Reply)
That's a terrible thing to say about Noel
he has a flat now and he's cut down on the meths drinking.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:24, Reply)
sorry, I was referring to my backside.
Not Noel as a hobo.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:26, Reply)
I have the arse of a middle aged Jamaican woman.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:29, Reply)
Brown and slightly saggy?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:30, Reply)
What I dont get, right, is when you see big black mamas with bums so big they look like a duck, in terms of how they stick out, like a shelf or something.
And when you see them on american chatshows, they're so proud that they can't fit on a train or bus seat.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:41, Reply)
That's funny, I have the feet of an eight-year old Hassidic boy.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:01, Reply)
+mounted on the wall for lols

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:12, Reply)
Nah, back of the fridge next to the mustard.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:23, Reply)
does it look as if he's crashed through the wall?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)
I have about three million lookalikes.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:25, Reply)
My rapier wit cuts so deep I once killed a man with internal bleeding at 50 yards.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:27, Reply)
did you ask to borrow his mini-skirt?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:28, Reply)
Nope, just took it as he bled.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:45, Reply)
I could sleep with the partner of anyone here and the worst beat-down I'd get is someone rubbing my head going "Oh gonz, you silly saussage, don't do that again, VERY NAUGHTY, you little scamp.".

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:45, Reply)
When I orgasm my eyes pop out on stalks.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:50, Reply)
I nearly fell out of the tree first time I saw that!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:52, Reply)
You get used to it after a few dozen occasions

(McChinaman banned, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:58, Reply)
I have no idea what the people in my profession are talking about half the time
I can't believe I've managed to blag my way this far
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:52, Reply)
But you're a lavatory attendant, 'Bill Clay'. How difficult can it be?
For example: 'Cottagers in trap 3' means ‘Darth Foxtrot and a shifty looking Turkish man are wanking each other off in the third cubicle along – don’t be fooled by the shopping bags, Darth’s wearing them like some kind of grotesque Sainsbury’s sex shoes’.

I'm here to help.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:57, Reply)
Thanks Monty
I loved you in 'Rapid Fire' by the way.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:05, Reply)
That's a 'film' reference, I'll be bound.
We 'cinema' types can spot references to 'film' with ease, you know.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:07, Reply)
HANG ON
What about "The Crow"?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:10, Reply)
MONTY IS A ZOMBIE

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:13, Reply)
Jilted John's less successful Halloween-themed single.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:14, Reply)
That's a 'music' reference, I'll be bound
etc, etc
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:15, Reply)
+1

(McChinaman banned, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:43, Reply)
I personally ordered the deaths of 6000 muslims in a Serbian village once.
And I lolled heartily when I did it.

Also, my dad is Bruce Lee.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:53, Reply)
Monty, I was wondering, if you were single, what people on here do you reckon you could have had sex with?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)
I think it would save time if I list the ones I couldn't have had sex with.
The answer is 'none of them: I'm a fucking fanny magnet, me'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:58, Reply)
But seriously, who do you think you could have shagged, if you were single?
There must be a few, I think Swipey and Amberly could, they'd like a bit of rough on the side.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:17, Reply)
A gentleman never tells, old boy.
Suffice it to say I've had some pre-tty spicy gazzes in my time. Pre-tty damn spicy.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:29, Reply)
Damn it, how am I supposed to cause a rawl if you won't play a long?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:30, Reply)
*sticks on ‘Solid as a Rock’ by Ashford and Simpson*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)
Who's that?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)
I know how to titillate an ocelot
I just had to eat soggy weetabix, as people wouldn't stop talking to me in the kitchen after I had added the milk, this has irked me.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)
They were distracting you whilst Steve from accounts cracked one off into your bowl.


I'm here to help.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:00, Reply)
Thanks for the heads up

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:02, Reply)
everybody knows that

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:10, Reply)
You got the 'Steve's going to crack one off into Nakers' Weetabix, pass it on' email too, then?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:11, Reply)
I did

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:12, Reply)
I was talking about titillating an ocelot
the email said not to mention it in front of Nakers, but I guess that's moot now.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:47, Reply)
This is entirely your fault for eating a child's cereal

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:11, Reply)
I sleep atop an enormous mound of gold and jewels

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:01, Reply)
You are Scrooge McDuck

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)
he swam in money
not slept on it. you spastic
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:04, Reply)
He means Smaug.
He really is a spastic.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:06, Reply)
I reread that for the first time in a few years recently
Still absolutely magnificent.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:17, Reply)
It's better than Lord of the Rings, I think.
Much less rambling - I think LOTR would benefit from some judicious editing, personally.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:21, Reply)
But then it wouldn't be true to the Kindle.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:23, Reply)
You might say it would be a ‘Kindle surprise’!!! LOL!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:24, Reply)
Hahahahaha!
I see what you did there.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)
I tell you, I'm mad, me! Bonkers!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:30, Reply)
If you have to say it to others, you're not really mad.
Just a bit odd.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:31, Reply)
If you have to say it to others, you're not really mad.
What you are instead, is a complete fucking wanker who should be tortured to death in a lockup on an industrial estate in East Ham.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:33, Reply)
The most murderous of all the Hams.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:36, Reply)
I thought that was West Ham?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)
I thought it was Wet Ham.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:40, Reply)
West Ham denizens and fans are gentlemen of the highest order.
FACT BOMB.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)
I tried reading LOTR as one book, rather than 3 seperate
I found it quite hard going in bits, far more difficult than if I'd split it into 3.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:24, Reply)
I've read it as both
and it is much easier going as 3 books. I recently finished it again (and the Hobbit) and was pleased to find that it seemed to drag much less than I remembered, particularly the bits with Sam and Frodo towards the end.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Don't talk to AA about 'drag'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:32, Reply)
good point

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:37, Reply)
Vipros's tattoo means 'convicted paedo: beware' in Sanskrit

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:05, Reply)
I couldn't afford the bit above it that says
'Monty is a'
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:08, Reply)
OH MAN YOU GOT OUT OF THAT ONE!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:09, Reply)
you're as shit as NakedApe

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:12, Reply)
Oof

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:13, Reply)
This is the sort of bullying that's ruining offtopic.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:15, Reply)
That's what he's like all the time, Chompy.
I don't think he can help himself. I think it's his way of coping with his childhood abuse at the hands of his randy uncle.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:18, Reply)
Typical White Van Man behaviour.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:21, Reply)

hit +t
V n H m
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:25, Reply)
don't speak ill of the dead

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:26, Reply)
That is BANG OUT OF ORDER, pal.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)
I wouldn't have that Vipros.
Go on, fucking do him.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:29, Reply)
Gay

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Why gay?
Oh I see, "do" him.

That too.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:33, Reply)
Now steady on.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:17, Reply)
I invented Bovril and breathing through one's nose.
Oh, and vests.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:21, Reply)
Oh man I used to have one of those 'vests'.
And all along you invented them and I never knew! Fancy that.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:22, Reply)
I don't recall receiving a royalty cheque.
'member cheques?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:22, Reply)
FACT BOMB
I'm actually in rather ill-health, am not very attractive or intelligent, have a tiny penis and am absolutely RIDDLED with various and sundry genetic disorders.

Shhh, don't tell b3th, you'll ruin my l337 trollolololing.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Various and sundry mean the same.
/pedant
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:35, Reply)
Yes, they do.
A classic case of different root words from different languages resulting in the same meaning in one. "Sundry", for example comes from the Old English "syndrig", meaning "separate" whereas "Various" comes from the Latin "varius" meaning "changing".

Although the root words mean subtly different things, these two words have come to mean "miscellaneous" in modern English, a usage as crude as it is traditionally incorrect.

So well done.

/bigger fucking pedant.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:36, Reply)
Carry on.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)
See edit.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:40, Reply)
You are the pedant king
And I am your humble servant.

Fucking internet.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:44, Reply)
There's always a bigger fish.
Probably Montague.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:47, Reply)
He knows more irrelevant guff than anyone I've ever met.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)
YESSSSSSS

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

guff c-list celebrities
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)
If you've got changing genetic disorders I'd be seriously worried, though.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)
I am uniquely afflicted.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)
Yeah I just love those 'various' tomatoes, me.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)
I am upset that this ^, my funniest ever post, appears to have gone entirely unnoticed.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)
I noticed.
I merely said nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:59, Reply)
likewise

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)
*tumbleweeds*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
"sun dry"

(McChinaman banned, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:49, Reply)
I've been keeping this one up my sleeve fotr just such an occasion
I won the Weakest Link. Keep it under your hats.

Also, I am heir to the Vanderbilt fortune and drive a car so awesome it makes Honda Accords weep
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)
You were on TWL?
I never knew that.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:45, Reply)
Like I said, I was keeping it close to my chest
I am already regretting my indiscretion above. I don't want it to become common knowledge
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:46, Reply)
Your secret is safe with me.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)
I appreciate it
In other news, had a call from Disasterprone last night asking if I fancied going to Forest-West Ham at the City Ground, think it's Bank Holiday weekend sadly when I'll be away
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:50, Reply)
August?
I'm at a wedding.

And I am barred from Nottingham. Stag do 3 years ago.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:51, Reply)
You need to do something pretty fucking special to be prohibited entry from the gun crime capital of the UK
Spill
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:53, Reply)
I got into a 20 man brawl in some pub near the new Uni halls.
Well, I got gobby and my mates had a fight. We were released the following morning under supervision and escorted to the train station.

Backward sister fucking cunts.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:55, Reply)
That's Norfolk
Nottingham is fucking awesome. Impressive work mate. Remind me not to spill your pint after the game in January.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)
I'm a pussy, cat.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)
You're saying that because you think it will deter me from fucking you (up)

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)
You'd think that people would be too tired
from walking up those massive, bastard hills to fight. And I went to uni in Wales.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)
What, in Nottingham?
There are some bloody big hills but not in the city centre or near the uni halls. Bristol, on the other hand...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)
This was near the castle
I assumed that was the town centre.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Ehh... technically I suppose it is
Not an especially well-trodden part of the city mind. Most of the fightin' takes place elsewhere. Probably for reasons you illustrated.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)
Popular beat combo ‘Men at Work’ are not really ‘from a land down under’ at all.
They are really from Bourton on the Water in Gloucestershire. You know, where they have the model village?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Bollocks.
The Aussie lady that works with me swears blind they are from "where beer does flow and men chunder".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:47, Reply)
I thought it was "where women glow"?
So Fukushima.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)
And men they plunder
So Mozambique.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:50, Reply)
I don't see how this is a fact-bomb about yourself
Unless you were IN popular beat combo 'Men at Work'. You know, when you were 13.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:47, Reply)
My fact-bomb is that I know Men at Work's dark secret.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)
They're English?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:52, Reply)
Wikipedia says thay are from St Kilda.
So it must be true.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:53, Reply)
I have a very vivid memory of seeing my first Tranny in st Kilda.
She was resplendently awful.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Now tell us something about Fine Young Cannibals
Other than "they were shit and the guitarist held his instrument in a really mongy way"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:55, Reply)
they were part of the 1987 world daisy-chain record breaking team
you can take daisy chain for either meaning, there.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)
I assumed bumming
I always assume bumming
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)
and you would have right on your side.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)
What an unusual sensation
I'm not sure I like it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)
Roland Gift has the worst voice in pop

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)
He was good in Heartbeat.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)
A mate of mine is a 'film' and TV lighting engineer.
The best day of his career was working on some Nick Berry shite being filmed on the quay of a seaside town. Some random bloke jumped over the barriers whilst filming was going on and punched Berry right in the face, sending him flying into the sea.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)
Finally a namedrop I can chip in on!
I met Nick Berry in 1992, he was a guest on Wogan which I was in the audience for because my Dad was the warm-up man for that show. Jim Fixed It for him. Seriously. Nick Berry was very nice and has (had) two fit sisters. Wogan is a thoroughly charming bloke. Jimmy Saville was mental even then.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)
Wogan *is* thoroughly charming.
I once offered to sleep with his producer.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)
Surely that was in order to obtain Mr b3th's 60th present?
How ironic. Morning sweetie.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)
Your dad was a fluffer for Wogan?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)
I doubt he needed one of them
Don't you remembmer that Points of View that time?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Incredibly, 'no'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-487777/Tight-trousered-Terrys-wardrobe-malfunction-sparks-BBC-complaints.html
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)
it's disturbing

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)
People complain about some really stupid things though
That EastEnders baby-swap storyline caused some idiots to complain that as well as being insensitive, it was unrealistic. Which is a bit like having a go at the makers of Monster Munch because they don't taste of monsters.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)
THEY DON'T?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
they do

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
I have only one word in response to this
And it is a horrible word. Those of a nervous disposition, avert your eyes.

JEDWARD
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:01, Reply)
After the band folded Roland Gift went into retail.


He opened a GIFT SHOP!!!!!!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:01, Reply)
Very good *polite applause*
Now do Living in a Box

EDIT: the fact-bomb concernign Living in a Box must be more elaborate than "they did not actually live in a box"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)
Following the collapse of his band, Living in a Box frontman Richard Darbyshire suffered a mental breakdown
which cost him his marriage and his home, along with his sanity. Within two years he was an alcoholic vagrant eking out a dismal existence begging and picking up dog-ends on London’s South Bank where, to this day, in a twist of fate clocking in at a whopping 37.6 kilospoons on the Morrisette Scale, he actually does live in box.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)
*click*
And as for T'Pau?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)
They're not really Vulcan

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)
That crashing noise you can hear is my childhood illusions being shattered

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)
Bless you!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)
How did you know I sneezed?
*looks around, panicked*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
All dead - high grade heroin was found in a bag held tightly in Carol Decker's dead grip
AKA China in your hand
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
There's a scene in Mission Impossible 3 based on one of their hits
Obviously they added explosions in the film. Fucking Hollywood.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
Which bit?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
The bit on the bridge
With the spies
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
My mum taught Carol Decker at school
Trufax, there.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)
She used to live in Tufnell Park when I lived there.
As did Hugh Laurie.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
I think Carol Decker and Rebekah Wade are the same person

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
I don't actually know if it's true
Carol Decker did go to the school my mum taught at but I maintain any teacher who claims they can remember some spotty kid who turned out to be famous is a bullshitter. I can barely remember last year's final year undergrads sometimes.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
My mum taught Tracy Tracy from the Primitives
And I don't really doubt her ability to remember people she taught as she is utterly unable to go anywhere without bumping into a former pupil.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)
My dad went to school with Mike Reid

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Terr-i-fic

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)
You're fucking kidding me.
Of course, now you come to mention it, it's obvious. An Australian group would never call themselves Men At Work.

Blokes Drinking, Mate? is more the Australian line.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)
are you an allotment?
My sig is my fact-bomb.

Also, I'm not really a badger.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)
Once a year, when the argos catalog comes out, chompy gets really excited, because he gets to count up how much it would cost if you bought one of everything, and compaire it to previous years to tell about inflation rates.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)
ah, the laminated book of dreams...

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)
A busy civil servant.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:01, Reply)
Get the fuck in!
Today's fact bomb is that my car is now not going to cost £338 to fix, only £85. WOOP!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 9:59, Reply)
turned out there wasn't spunk in the distrubutor?

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)
His monkey spunk powered scooter
Now runs exclusively on Leopards Fanny Batter


*old Viz Lols*
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:05, Reply)
I'm pretty sure he traded in his monkey-spunk moped
for a car that ran exclusively on leopard's fanny batter. I think the conversion to the moped was too much for Micky.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)
Trufax ^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)
you may well be correct

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)
Woo
What's wrong with it?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)
I was told it needed new front disks and sensors
but it only needs the sensors!

£200 more cash for Disneyland
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)
These bloody ABS sensors fail at the slightest excuse.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)
You should get some Immodium.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)
*parp*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
i don't like unsolved mysteries
i spent the whole hot, steamy and disgusting (and not in a good way) tube journey this morning trying to work out what sex the indeterminate Thing sitting opposite me was. it is just rude to be that irritatingly unclear.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)
I'm going to go out on a limb here
and say that you're almost certain to get some sort of Nobel prize in your lifetime.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)
sigh
EL
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)
they don't do Nobel prizes for eviction, though.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)
it's ok, i'll have a literature one
as ridiculously there seem to be people out there who want to publish my shit. i think you would describe it as bridget jones meets jilly cooper. how can that NOT win a nobel prize??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)
The only way that humanity could benefit from bridget jones meeting jilly cooper
is if the two met in an inescapable pit of starving wolves.

But, since the world appears to be populated with fuckwitted shit-tards who will not only read but actually pay for that tripe, then good on you. Might as well be you as anyone.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)
silly badger, bridget jones isn't a real person
she's a literary figure, conceived and poured onto paper by journalist-turned-novelist-turned-full-time-mum helen fielding. so the wolves couldn't eat her. and jilly cooper is just made of plastic these days. so the wolves couldn't eat her either.

the sad truth, according to the myriad of publishers and agents who have come to talk to my masters class at oxford, is that only 2 things really sell in volume these days: chick-lit and vampire fiction. anything else, you are in the lap of the gods as to whether you are one of the 10 books or so that tesco chooses to sell every month, or that richard and judy put in their book club... it is v depressing from a reader's perspective.

great from a writer's perspective, if like me you churn out that sort of chick-lit shit, however. the rest of my highbrow literary class went pale.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)
I was going to put Helen Fielding
but wolves are too good for her. I'd happily take Renee Whatsherface as the Jones subsitute.

I am well aware of the sad truth.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
Swipey, I was wondering, you're a young go-getter climbing the corporate ladder of success to dazzling new heights....
... how do you find the time for the men in your life AND look so fabulous at the same time?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)
the men have to know their place, gonz
and the looks... what can i say? it's all natural.

far, far too natural some would say.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)
I don'tthink there's a FACTBOMB about me you don't already know
on account of how I overshare and treat this place like my personal blog.

But seeing as the internet is almost exclusively populated by sweaty perverts, I'll give you this one: my boobs weigh half a stone each.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)
Hey! I'm not sweaty.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Hello The Dear Devil, how are you?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)
I'm fine and perky thank you, The Gonz.
And I haven't spoken to you yet, so I will tell you now that I approve of the nickname. Does it come with some kind of costume?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)
Oh fab ! I'm thinking if I came into a bit of money, say, £1m, I'd buy a nice flat in Brighton and go on lots and lots of cooking lessons.
And then I'd phone up my of my favorite interneters, you, and say "Hello Beth, would you like to come down to brighton to my lovely flat for a few days and we can walk down The Lanes and I can cook some nice food".
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)
*weighs*
*WAHEYS*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)
Woh'
www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/11/10/meet-the-world-s-smallest-mum-28-inch-tall-stacey-herald-115875-21809936/
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)
I like to do LARP, but with real weapons
I've decided that the people of Lewisham are in fact orcs and my job is to free the world of them. The Police are generally OK with this, but a month ago I accidentally maimed someone from Deptford so this week's "holiday" has actually been community service
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Fucking easy son!
Who you calling a fucking orc?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
I thought you were just visiting...
Are you in fact.... a local?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
Woolwich born.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:17, Reply)
Now then, now then...
I went out with a famous DJ's sister's friend.
I was on Crackerjack at the age of ten
And I saw The Sex Pistols play down at The 100 Club
And I spent New Year's Eve at Sensible's den.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Oooh good facts.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)
I would like to know
When you saw the Pistols were you aware that something ‘special’ was happening or did it feel like it was just another gig by another band? Were they actually any good?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)
Over. Rated.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)
I don't know if I'd go quite that far
but I don't think I'd want to go see them live. Punk gigs could get pretty brutal.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
Sadly none of these so-called 'facts' are true

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)
Oh. You internet liar, you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
Sorry to disappoint...
These facts were in fact from a song.
I'm quite into 'song' y'know
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
You know how every man and his dog claims to have seen them
at the Lesser Free Trade Hall (or whatever it’s called) in Manchester?

Apparently one person who actually was there and did go on to form a band was……..Mick Hucknall.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
You can see the influence even today.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Rather like Morrissey and The New York Dolls.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Wasn't he also in
Men Behaving Badly?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
I hear the Mick Hucknall is now fronting The Faces
what a horrible fucking thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
'The Faeces', more like.
Snurk!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
I like that you've referred to him as "the Mick Hucknall"
makes him sound even more hideous and demonic than he already is. A bit like "the Balrog" or "the Rancor" or "the McKeith"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
that was a typo
but I spotted it and thought I'd leave it. My reasoning was the same as yours :-)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
This notion makes me chuckle far more than it should

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
Surely *all* Manchester musicians were at that gig?
including Tony McCarroll, Limahl and M People
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
Hello, I don't know who you are.
I hope you're having a good day though.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)
Hello stranger
S'ok I s'pose.
You?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
Been Better, Been Worst, if I'm to be honest.
They say a stranger is a friend you've just not gotten to know yet, tell me about yoursefl, if you don't mind.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Whaddayawannaknow?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Ken McKensie?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
Yes!
Someone had to recognise it eventually...
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:11, Reply)
Another fact about me
I feel sick.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)
I feel sick tonight, something in my stomach ain't sitting right, but I gotta overcome and keep sitting tight, gotta overcome and keep spitting right.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)
OK here goes...brace yourselves
I am neither a reverend, nor indeed a fister of reverends.

However, I did once mark the scorebook of the Indian test cricket team in a one day international with Scotland. As a reward for my hard work, I 'took tea' with both teams. The Indian team at the time included Sunil Gavaskar, one of the highest-scoring batsman of all time, and now occasional TV pundit. He slept a lot.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
Richie Richardson is the overseas player for my mate's cricket club
last season, my mate's batting average was better than Richardsons. It's fair to say he mentions this A LOT.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Isn't Richie in his 50's?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
well, yeah. I didn't say it was a good cricket club.
You still get the overseas player thing even in the lower leagues apparently.

Although, I'd be prepared to bet that Richardson in his 50s is still a better batsmen than most!
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
How old is your mate?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
Bee Gees blah blah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
The men are talking about sport.
Get back in your box.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
36, I think

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:22, Reply)
Is Richie Richardson the same as Robbie Roberston?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Those Indians are shit at cricket though aren't they?
If England can give them six of the best, trousers down, they must be crap.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
At present, India are the number one team in the world, but yes, they've been well below par this series.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
They play golf as well?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Yes
Yes they do.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
I must take issue with this
England came from 80-6 to win by 300+ runs in four days. England are the best team in the world. I know I'm jumping the gun on the ICC rankings, but how many times am I going to get to say that with any authority?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
You are wrong.
For now. I refer you to the answer given by the Honourable Reverend above.

We are fucking good though. The bowling yesterday was very good.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
If we'd sneaked it I'd concede
But we absolutely battered them. Our eight and nine were bashing them all over the park like they were Bangladesh, and then we bowled out the world's best batting line-up in two sessions. Come on.

But I will admit it would have been more satisfactory had Sehwag and Zaheer been fit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
was the rest of the team fit?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
They looked average.
We bowled them out in an afternoon on a wicket we got 500 runs on.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Apart from Gambhir, yes
My point is that Virender Sehwag is the best batsman in the world. India are still a superb team and beating them in so emphatic a manner is a great achievement, but he makes a difference.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
so what you are saying here
is that you found the team fit.

Thus proving that you are a card-carrying dirt-road-bandito.

you foolishly fell into my trap. I have no interest in cricket whatsoever.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
By your usually high standards this is abominable

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
boredom is a terrible thing

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
I have no idea what you mean
My job is not only interesting but varied and involves no contact whatsoever with complete fucking idiots.

*grinds teeth*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
England have played very well, there's no doubting that.
Both their batting and bowling have been very good. But India have been poor. Injuries have played a part, but the players on the field have not done very well, e.g. M.S Dhoni.

The question is, if we were playing South Africa at the moment, would we be 2-0 up at this stage? I'd guess not.

SA are touring England next year, so that will be the real test.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
I don't know, if we can beat India at home we can beat anyone at home
A real test would be to play on subcontinent pitches and win. I agree that the Proteas would not have folded so easily after Broad's remarkable spell with the ball on Saturday, and Graeme Smith's field placing wouldn't have been so inept as Dhoni's
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
Oh, of course dear boy.
Got to beat the best away from home, or you haven't proven anything.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
We have done well though
Bowling out India's batsmen so cheaply, even without Sehwag, Gambhir and Dhoni (let's be honest), is a hell of an achievement. England got more runs yesterday morning, batting from 7 down to 11, than India managed in the next two sessions with their full XI
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
This is true
However, playing against a full strength Indian team, in India, with frenzied home support and helpful pitches would be a totally different proposition.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:13, Reply)
Absolutely true
It does make a wonderful change to see an England team replete with world-class players though, as opposed to lobbying for a test to be called off if Gooch/Botham/Gower/Thorpe was injured (delete according to period)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:17, Reply)
Yes they're playing very well at the moment
My (minor) concerns at the moment are that the openers seem incapable of putting on a decent stand, and Swanny seems to be a bit below par, by his standards.

On the plus side, they're batting well as a team - right down the order, and we seem to have selection problems with the bowlers for the next test in that we have more than 5 competing for 4 slots.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:25, Reply)
I've been worried about Straussy for a while
He really seems to be struggling, but is doing a great job as captain. Once upon a time it might have been prudent to think about who should be captain come the next Ashes series, but we're so far ahead of the Aussies at the moment that it's scarcely a concern.

God that felt good.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:29, Reply)
he wasn't below par.
He was bowling well on the second day, and was decent at Lords. When you can't get the pacemen away, you attack the spinners, and when you don't need long spells from your spinner to skittle a team then it's inevitable that you won't bowl him if he takes some tonk. Swann's game has always been about luring the batsmen into shots, so he's bound to take a bit of hammer every now and again.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:30, Reply)
While you have an entirely valid point
You've just shown why India aren't the best. We're raping them here and SA would do the same in SA. Ergo, they can't beat the best away from home. They have a batting lineup that can't handle pace and bounce, a "world class" spinner who is much use as a chocolate fireguard on non-subcontintent pitches and no pace options past Zaheer and Sharma.

SA are a different kettle of fish, I agree, but our 1-6 matches theirs pretty well, Prior is a better keeper and they don't have a decent spinner. Still, Steyn and Morkel are fucking good. We'll see how that one pans out.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:28, Reply)
A mouthwatering prospect indeed
Steyn is something special, certainly, but I'd rate Jimmy Anderson as highly as Morkel or a good day. And they don't have the depth of bowling that we do.

As usual, I agree with pretty much everything you just said
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:31, Reply)
be interesting to see if (?) Tahir is their first choice by then
Paul Harris is a fucking joke. I get more turn than him.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:34, Reply)
SO DOES THE M1
Not sure. Sorry. Tahir has definite potential, I think our top 6 outshines theirs nowadays though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:36, Reply)
Do you play much, Mr Badger?
I play for a team over in Dunfermline, and we're always looking for new players. You're in Edinburgh aren't you?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:49, Reply)
The point I'm making (I think)
is that I don't really consider India to be the best in the world as they struggle to win away from home. South Africa can put on a decent showing pretty much anywhere - hence why next summer will be much more of a challenge for England.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)
Having just read this, I don't fucking blame him.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
Gavaskar eh?
Impressive. Was Kapil Dev there too?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
Not that I recall. Not entirely sure of the year either, so maybe he'd retired or was just taking a few days off.
I remember Chetan Sharma and Maninder Singh being there though.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Must admit I'm rather jealous
Am gutted that I lacked the foresight to get tickets to see the test in my home city
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
I am a truly piss poor negotiator
especially when it comes to money. There's something excrutiatingly uncomfortable and un-english when it comes to saying 'well actually, I think that's unreasonable and I'd like this to happen instead' - when they then say no, I just say 'Oh. Well. Err. Okay then.' and just roll over and take it like a good little bitch.

Why is this?
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
I don't know
but I'm the same. It's a good job I took my brother and his mrs with me the other day when I bought a van. I can't negotiate for shit, but my bro is a sales manager, and his mrs is a purchasing manager for a very large, international company. Useful stuff.

I'm shit at that stuff. I probably talked myself down in salary for my new job. But it's more than I get now, so doesn't matter too much.

At least you have a job!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Mrs Cow is the best at this
She gets money off loads of things. We got over £1000 off her car last year
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
trouble is, with the place I went to buy this van
they didn't need to offer anything. Even if they were exaggerating slightly, they still sell at least one van every day. I managed to get a years tax out of them, but that's it.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Always go for the mats!
And petrol
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
damn it!
I thought about the mats when I was driving the bastard as well. and the fuel.

cock
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
We ended up getting another £200 off her car by going on the Saturday and walking away, full intending to buy it on the Sunday
On the Sunday morning we took the kids swimming and got back to a voicemail from the garage offering another £200 off the price! Woop for swimming!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
Sweet!
In fairness I did get £600 off the price of my car by going to buy it having taken out £600 less than the asking price and telling them they could either accept the what I had in cash or I'd go home.

But they were asking too much for the car, so....
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
I like it
We went in with a value that we would not go beyond and looked at more expensive cars than that, with the trade-in bit going up and up. we spoke to a mate who is a car salesman who verified how much they would give us for her car and that we had cracked a "fucking brilliant" deal that he couldn't match at mate's rates.
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)
that's what was galling about the place we went to get the van
while it was a good price to begin with, particularly compared to the same vehicle down here, they had no need to sell it to me, because someone else would buy it within a week or so. No room for negotiation there.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:05, Reply)
But in other news, you do now have a shiny awesome van
for the purposes of being a surfbum.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
very true :-D

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:11, Reply)
What you have to bear in mind is that it's the guy that's talking to you now
that gets the commission, he might not be there next time somebody enquires and that commission will go to somebody else. You're there, with cash, right now. That is a powerful position to be in regardless of how hard-nosed they're being.

Don't be afraid to walk.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:10, Reply)
not that sort of place
there are two guys who own the place and do the selling.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:11, Reply)
Ah gutted.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:13, Reply)
we were prepared to pay full price anyway
and it's not like anything needed fixing on the van, so it's not too bad.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:18, Reply)
It's a skill, not a gift.
So you can learn it. I have been sent on endless courses because it is part of my job.

Easiest 2 tips are say exactly what you want and have a fall back position.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
True
I don't have a problem with my salary, but by starting when they want me to start I will get gypped out of £800 redundancy pay from here...all for the sake of two weeks, and they are not being particularly flexible about it.

I cannot afford to be gypped out of £800 :(
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
ah, that sucks
irritating when people aren't flexible. I've been lucky in that respect.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Fucking tell them then.
How are they gypping you out of £800?

Put it in writing and give it to the Personnel monkey.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
If I stay til the end of my contract in the current place I will get £800
if I leave two weeks early to start when the new place wants me to start, I will not get £800.

I have very, very politely and apologetically put it to them that either they let me start two weeks later or give me £800.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
Fuck polite
Say you cannot start until then as you cannot afford it. If they want you (which they do as they have given you the job) they will sort it
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
Listen to Sportscow, Berk.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)
New job does mean attendance at your bash though
so YAY for that.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)
£800 would also ensure a fucking good time there

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)
GET IN!!
That's superb.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
Go on, listem to his funny northern accent. It's hysterical.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
Gaan fuck yersel

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
Too right.
Tell them you are contractually obliged until whatever date gives you the £800 but can secure an earlier termination for £800 of the new employers readies.

If they get funny politely tell them you are not Baron de Rothschild and are not in a position to piss £800 away.

THERE'S A FUCKING RECESSION ON DONTCHAKNOW!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)
It's ovbously not going to work out, I can sort you out a job at the cab office if you want, they pay minimum wage now apparently.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
Two weeks should mean fuck all for most places.
edit: under the assumption you're the only one starting at the same time, if they've got a bunch of people to be trained in one go then it'll cause a problem.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
This is exactly the problem, sadly
which is why I have offered to start when they want as long as they can recompense me, even though that route is probably more hassle than starting when I wanted to originally.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:11, Reply)
Ah, well the worst they can do is say no.
Any holiday you can use for the two weeks?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:25, Reply)
I, too, am the same.
I was brought up to believe that talking about money was vulgar. That haggling etc is crass.

Thanks, parents, I'm fucking skint.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
Shy bairns get nowt
99% of people dont ask for something, so be the 1% who does and chances are the price will drop, extras will be given, etc.

Also, when complaining on the phone, ask for £5 rebate to cover call charges. Mrs Cow does this all the time and it works!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
Whilst I know this to be true
and am in no position to be a snob about it, I just cannot bring myself to do this, it just seems a bit pikey to me. I am well aware that this is ridiculous.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
I got a really good deal on my current car
The ticket price was £1000 above book price. I got them down to book price, got a good trade in for my old heap, got a set of mats, full tank of petrol, got almost a whole year's worth of road tax back for my trade in, and got the alloys on my new car replaced under warranty due to a very minor imperfection.

The next time I went in I discovered that the salesman I had dealt with had 'left' not long after I'd bought the car. I suspect he maybe wasn't cut out for that sort of thing.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Ditto
When we were in Marrakech a couple of years back I spent the first couple of days paying hand over fist for stuff that, whilst still cheap by British standards, probably cost the seller a fraction of what I was paying. When I finally got the hang of it and started paying more reasonable prices I felt awful about it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)
Oh god, this
I was exactly the same in Turkey. The guilt. THE GUILT. Even though I knew they were asking outrageous amounts and totally screwing me over, I could still easily afford the price they were asking so it felt deeply wrong to be arguing them down.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
I started to feel like that in Turkey
but then I decided I didn't want any of the fucking shit they were trying to sell me.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
Nah, I got a couple of nice bits of pottery and jewellery
I do agree that a great percentage of the stuff was utter tat, though.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)
we went (for some reason that now escapes me) into the market full of genuine designer fakes
it was hellish. I got out of there sharpish and went for a nice stroll around the harbour instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)
That sounds truly horrendous
I preferred the spice market, personally. At least you know they can't fake herbs (well, I suppose they can, but what'd be the point?)
Was it Istanbul you went to?
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
No, Constantinople

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
I like this very much
but no, I was staying in Bitez, the market was in Bodrum
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:12, Reply)
Ahhh, my colleague went there
I have heard about the fake designer market. Bodrum is meant to be very pretty, though.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:14, Reply)
it is nice
the harbour bit is particularly good, and there's the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus, which was one of the Seven Wonders. That was pretty good.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:17, Reply)
Ms Foxtrot kept reminding me that they categorically would not sell anything for a loss
So I was haggling them down from "outrageous profit" to "profit". I was overthinking it too, working out currency conversion mid-haggle and trying to decide if I'd pay that much in pounds back home for the same thing.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Ah but the rich dont stay rich
By paying full price for things.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
Me too. I get around this when buying cars, for example
by saying "I'll pay full asking price if you get this, this and that fixed." etc.

Since they can usually get stuff fixed at trade prices and since you probably won't be able to haggle enough off in order to get stuff repaired at retail rates.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
Those 3 year servicing plans are a fucking rip off though
as they always manage to find something that isn't covered
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
Yeah, servicing means just that, consumable items you'd replace in a service.
stuff that breaks generally isn't one of those.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Amazing how they manage to "find" the problems though eh?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
And that's precisely why I started learning how to spot and fix problems myself.
Garages don't get away with it anymore.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:12, Reply)
OH BOY ! SECRET CODED MESSAGES ! OH MAN !
Hello berk, have you decided to move to north london yet?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)
I'm moving to Leamington Spa my dear
It's a whole half an hour closer to Marylebone than I currently am...I'm doing it in stages you see.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
I just looked that up on the map, I had to press 'zoom out' 3 times to see where it was in relation to london. It's very far away, I don't think there is a nightbus there so I'd have to stay around yours, or you stay around mind. Eaither way, I don't mind
Are you _sure_ you don't want to move to north london? I can get you a job in the cab office where I used to work, I hear they're paying minimum wage now. Plus, I can make my own pasta now, which means instead of paying 99p for 500g some penne, I can make double that for about £5 in about 2 hours. I'm not very good at maths, and I can't make penne, but I thought I'd throw this fact out there to sweeten the deal.

Is Lawn Ping Pong Bloke coming with you?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
He is not, he's staying where he is
but I will be working in Oxford, which is much closer to London. I'm only living in Leamington so that it's easier to see him.
(berk, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:13, Reply)
Oh that's good, the first part, that is, not the second part, well, for me anyway.
Seems a bit much uprooting your entire life just to see him, 48.1 miles according to google maps, it won't be easy. You can't just nip in for a cup of tea on the off-chance he's in, have to arrange things in advance, won't be as spontanious. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me, probably best to call the whole thing off, I mean, him, not the job. Where as my part of north london, it's 65.5 miles, which I admit is further, but it's not real miles like where he is, I can't really say why, because I'm making it up on the spot, but I'm sure everyone here would agree that it's closer.... because the only reason we count distance to something is to work out the time it would take to get there, so distance doesn't really count.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:21, Reply)
I can fly
but I choose not to because I don't want to make the rest of your jealous
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
I can go way further than that guy
he needs practise
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
haha!
WTF?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Springboard malfunction

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:10, Reply)
Oh yeah, I see it now

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:12, Reply)
Your grammar's fucking shit though

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
no
just my typing. It's still morning
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
I recommend coffee
or Suicide Commando. Working a treat for me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:14, Reply)
suicide commando?
Is that commiting hari kari with no pants on?

This thread is too long
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:15, Reply)
I'm blaming the aforementioned time of day for this
thread penis

Suicide Commando are a band. Somewhat niche, I'll grant you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Penis? What?
So what's going down? I can't deal with reading the rest of a 350 post thread
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:21, Reply)
Do you really think there's insightful debate to be had above?
Allow me to summarise;

Berk is moving for work and wants to delay doing so for financial reasons
England are good at cricket, everyone is amazed
Monty knows/makes up a lot about 80s pop bands
PsychoChomp is a cunt
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:23, Reply)
1) really - cool! That means she has a job, right?
2) meh
3) nothing new
4) ditto
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Chomp's hardly been involved in this thread
I just assumed
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:27, Reply)
All of your flying are belong to us

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:10, Reply)
I punched Jimmy Saville in the ear after he tried it on with my sister

(McChinaman banned, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 11:57, Reply)

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