Yah', that's right.
I seriously f'cking hate the fact that not a week goes buy where I don't see at least two doctors. My life is improved like a billion fold since I've started on the methadone; I'm no longer withdrawing 3 or 4 times a day, which I've been doing for the last 4 years.

Every weekend I've been anxous about running out early because I needed an extra dose in the middle of the night.... going to the out-of-hours doctors and ringing around all the phamacies to see who stocks them... begging and being distrort because it's a bank holiday weekend, I didn't realise, and the doctors is closed. Knowing I am an horrific wreck of a person, a shaddow of a person, with everything including time itself iratating me making me worst and worst until I can get that hit again. Franticly looking online to see if you can find somewhere that'll sale them, realising if you get cault, you can go to jail, or worst, that the tablets will be counterfit from india (or whatever) and be rat poison. Knowing that with every dose you take, it'll take more next time to do anything. That eventually you take so much that it has no effect at all, but you still take it, because you're in pain, because they've stopped working.

Morphine addiction is terrible. 4 years of this. 12 years of the same thing with Codine before that.

.... Today when I went to pick up my prescription, I even had left-over morphine tablets, as I felt I simply didn't need to take all my doses in the week. I haven't once felt anxious about taking them, I hardly think about them at all now. And when I do take the morphine, it is _soo_ much stronger.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:13, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

S'funny, it sounds a lot more romantic when William Burroughs writes about it.
You have my sympathy, for all the good it will do you...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)