Our secretary is retirying in October
She sent an invitation for dinner to all of us, to a wine restaurant. I replied with what I thought was a joke, saying "I'll be there, looks really nice (although I won't have the wine). She replied back with a "Well, there'll be soft drinks too"; and she seems to have taken it seriously.

I know I'm bad at joking and sarcasm, but that bad? Really? I'm a bit sad now. I'll show you: :_S
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:02, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

She is a spastic, don't worry about it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Reply with "it's funny because I'm pregnant, I'm not just fat"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:06, Reply)

This is the correct response

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Oh, Chompy
You should be here to tell me those funny things at the right time. Now it's too late. I said, again, in a joke tone, "I see, you always thinking of everything" And she replied "Yes, I thought of Alan and Chris too" (who are celiacs)

She spoiled all the fun.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

what are celiacs? Some sort of benders?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Coeliac
Auto-immune disease causing gut problems, most commonly called gluten intolerance.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)

That's the one
Sorry for the spelling.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Sometimes people don't get irony, wit or humour.
A bit like the person sat opposite me. Of all the jokes I know, she likes the "man with half an orange for a head" joke the funniest.

Weird.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:08, Reply)

i do not know this joke
please to tell it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

I don't know it either
go on, go on, go on...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Oh for fuck's sakes.
I'm not writing it all out again.

Here: defectiveyeti.com/half_head_orange.html
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Haha!
WTF?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:13, Reply)

You find it funny as well?
Christ, I thought better of you.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Just mental!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

That's one way of putting it.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Really?
That's a sad joke. So much reading for nothing.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Tell her the devil in the post office one.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

I fucking love that joke.
I actually told it to someone via email the other day.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I assume it's a variation on this one?
I was waiting for a bus, when a guy pulled up in a Ferrari, he got out and out of the other door stepped Kate Moss. They walked off arm in arm, but the weirdest thing was that he had an orange where his head should be. The next day, waiting for the same bus a Porsche pulled up, Cindy Crawford stepped out of the passenger door and walked off down the road arm in arm with the man with an orange where his head should be. The third day, the same thing, a Lamborghini pulled up, Linda Evangalista got out of the passenger side and walked off down the street with the man with an orange where his head should be. Thursday, it was a Mercedes and Elle Macpherson and the man with an orange where his head should be. By Friday I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed to ask, so I said to him ‘What gives? I see you everyday in a different expensive car, walking off arm in arm with a different supermodel, what’s the story?’

‘Well, I was cleaning out my Nan’s house after she died and I found this old lamp, I rubbed it and out popped a genie who said he’d give me three wishes. So for my first wish I asked for a new top of the range sports car for every day of the week, and for my second I asked for a different supermodel to sleep with every night’.

‘Oh, OK’, I said ‘And what about your third wish’.

At which point he turned to me angrily and said ‘Isn’t it obvious? I wished for an orange where my head should be’.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Yup.
Click the link to see it.

It's a bit of a read.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Yeah, I just realised we posted at the same time.
Your version is even longer.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

It's my joint favourite joke, with this one, but this one needs a willing stooge.
Ask me if I'm an orange.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Are you an orange?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)

*Sigh* Are you an orange.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Yes,
Ask me if I'm an orange.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1351673
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Yes!
Ask me if I'm a lemon.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Are you a lemon?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Are you fucking retarded?
I fucking told you twice already, I'm a fucking orange.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Twat.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:19, Reply)

I know.
The worst thing is, I genuinely find that funny and always have.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:19, Reply)

It's poorer than a Bangladeshi flood victim.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:20, Reply)

Is it poorer than you?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:27, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 15:29, Reply)