Audrey Hepburn
Obvious answer is obvious.

However, with a time machine you could kill someone like Scarlett Johansson or Kristina Rihanoff so that they meet the criteria, go back in time (a day, say) and fuck them, then suggest they stay away from wherever it is you're going to kill them the next day.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:19, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

you've put a slightly unnerving amount of thought into this

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Thank you
I was quite pleased with it too. How are you today?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

splendid, thank you
and yourself?
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Splendid? Bloody hell
You're either insanely optimistic or LYING. Good for you though. I can't match that, I'm only fair-to-middling. I feel I've let you down.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:24, Reply)

you've let us all down, foxtrot
I'm happy with insanely optimistic for now, the sun's out
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Good on you, ma'am
Am now resolving to be less of a grumpy arse for the rest of the day. This will involve ignoring money worries and my diet, however. Suggestions?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

viciously enthusiastic anal sex

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Experience has taught me that this is unlikely to be an offer

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I wasn't suggesting you be the giver

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

God I'm perceptive
Hang on, are you offering to fuck me up the arse? Because that won't do your "I'm a girl" claims much good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I've got a strap on with your name on it

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

So has he...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

My full name?
Unless it's in a very small font, I might not be able to accomodate it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

She cut off the "32 telecomunications analyst from Norfolk" part

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 11:03, Reply)

That's dashed decent of her
*bends over*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Get a decent football team?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

You know as well as I do this is impossible
We already lost to Derby, the season actually cannot get any more embarrassing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Stick with it mate!
It's early doors. Plenty of time for it to get worse.

Wait until you have to sack McLaren.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Am already looking forward to that mate
Can't see it getting better until he goes. The board won't be keen to admit their mistake any time soon though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

He missed out the
"or just fuck their cold, decomposing cunts"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

TF?
This, right here? THIS is unnerving.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

sounds about par for the course to me

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Morning ttf

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

morning sportscow

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

*nods*
I think it is time for another coffee
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Morning
No, she's not dead yet
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

No more Doctor Who for you!!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)