oh damn you
i have deleted my stomp. but as i typed it, you can have it as my gift to you:

"christ it's quieter than quentin's gaz inbox on here today.

i've just got french onion soup from EAT for lunch and offered a choice of chopsticks or a fork with which to eat it by the harassed tillmonkey. i was also miles away, took the question seriously, and was seriously confused. what's the most surreal thing you've been asked recently?

alt: this soup is extremely low in cals and fat, but extremely high in salt. does this make it UNhealthy? i thought salt was no longer the enemy? do you use a lot of salt when you cook/pour it on everything?

alt alt: why did i think these 2 questions would spark it up a bit?"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:37, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Salt is bad for you, yes
Hope this helps
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Piri piri chicken bap, Worcester sauce crisps and a can of Coke
NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:41, Reply)

french fries?
Those are awesome
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:43, Reply)

No, just Walkers
I agree on the french fry ones though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:44, Reply)

esp if you crumble feta or some other form of lard over them
i went to megan's on the kings road on fri night, their french fries were so skinny and crispy it was almost like eating crisps. 11/10.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

I hope you chose the fork
I don't think I use enough salt. Because I get told to put more in so I do then it tastes batter.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:39, Reply)

semenlols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:39, Reply)

it is chockful of onions
but not enough to demand a fork.

i do eat ice cream with a fork though. everyone thinks this is odd, but i'd just rather take small mouthfuls neatly off the end of a fork than cram an entire spoon into my gob...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:41, Reply)

What do you do with the melty stuff at the end?
Also from what I've heard you normally don't have an issue with cramming things in your gob
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:42, Reply)

chortle

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:43, Reply)

yes but hardly any of those things were as well-endowed as a spoon

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:44, Reply)

What about the shiny end?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:46, Reply)

you are on grim form today
desperate to squeeze it out!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

I'm spent

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:53, Reply)

it was aa talking about sweetcorn that did it, wasn't it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:54, Reply)

whoops!
There I go again!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:56, Reply)

It is possible to put slightly less on the spoon you know

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:43, Reply)

also i have a date tonight
and i have managed to spill a little bit on my top. as it's a black top and an almost clear soup, you can't see it. but omg you can smell it. great. hello, isn't this date fun, what, that smell of fake vegetarian beef? no, can't smell anything...

.... mind you, he'll be lucky if i don't burst into tears about the ex all over him, so the beefy whiff might well be the least of his worries. poor guy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:43, Reply)

On the plus side, french onion soup spillage may dry looking like spunk

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

on my sleeve
would be a very odd place for anyone to have blown his wad
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:46, Reply)

When touching the vinegar strokes, aim can be impaired

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:47, Reply)

This is most accurate
Unlike my aim.

*may still feel guilty about ruining a ladies garment*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:47, Reply)

cock ex?
I thought he was non-ex until Jan? Or did you man the fuck up about it and ditch his well toned arse?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:46, Reply)

i got fed up of the total headfuckery over the weekend
following his usual barrage of texts/emails. who texts/emails their ex 4-5 times a day with everything from flirting about when they had sex to deeply intimate stuff about a massive family argument and sends them pics of stuff like their gym and their breakfast "with the teabags that you bought me" if they just want to be friends... but i genuinely don't think he can see that it's confusing...

so yeah, in the end i said, that i wasn't cool with it. and got back some very upset but accepting texts about how he will always want to see me if i ever change my mind and how we are BFFs. which i deleted. then went to my friend's and got very drunk!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

hurrah
I'm very proud
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

fanks
it had to be done eventually. but i haven't been this gutted since i was 21. he's a fucking idiot!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Well a least you've stopped fucking an idiot

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:56, Reply)

an that
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:58, Reply)

TGB sage advice 101
stage 1 - stop fucking idiots.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:58, Reply)

the fucking wasn't so much the problem
he wanted all the other intimate stuff that normally people don't want to keep - in my experience, if they want to keep in touch, they usually want to keep the sex but ditch the rest of it! i told him that it wasn't a friendship, it was him cherrypicking what he wanted out of a relationship, but that went down like a cup of cold sick.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:00, Reply)

eeew cold sick boiks

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:03, Reply)

i love that phrase
so.... accurate.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:04, Reply)

It does actually make me feel a little bit of warm sick in the back of my throat

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:06, Reply)

that and "i could eat a monkey's miscarriage"
are two of my most favourite expressions
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 14:07, Reply)