Speaking. How may I help?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

How do you get jizz out of tartan?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Dinnae spill your orange jizz in the first place, lad.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

epic accent fail, chap.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Hugely unfunny too
Sadly, I decided to write it, even knowing this.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That does not sound terribly authentic in my head
^^^ And what he said
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Hahhahahaha
You're an accent spaz.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Spaz in general, really

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

choose a tartan
that jizz does not show on.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Might be slightly too late for that now
Anyway, how many tartans don't show up jizz FFS?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I can't say I've tested mine
but I reckon it'd be OK. Dress MacDonald so a fair bit of cream anyway.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Thankfully it's not on my kilt - which is Black Isle

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I've just realised that this does not sound good if it's not on MY kilt.
For clarity, the jizz in question is on a ladies mini kilt, ok?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

well, ceilidhs can get a little exciting..

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Not usually THAT exciting though

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

well, if you aimed REALLY carefully on Black Isle you might get away with it.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Er...how?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

black isle is grey criss-cross on black background, isn't it?
so aim for where two grey heavy bands overlap. It's almost white. It's just quite a small target.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Not really, mine is the full dress one
It's almost completely black.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

With FREEDOM.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Send it to Liz jones

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

^this is a contender for POTD.
So somebody please up the game, we don't need to be offering chompy praise.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I don't actually get this
Is liz jones well known for sucking spunk of kilts?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

She's the woman who stole used condoms from her partner to get pregnant

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Didn't you see
the weapons-grade mental (and I mean weapons-grade by her standards, not the rest of us) article she wrote about being so desperate for a baby that she was harvesting spunk on the sly from the used condoms after blokes shagged her and shoving it back up there? And how no man should trust a woman not to do that because really ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, THE MENTALLY UNSTABLE BABY FACTORIES?

Terrifying. Regardless of whether it's true or not, the state of her mind is remarkable.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:52, Reply)

But I've been told that she's actually just very clever and this entire thing is an elaborate joke
on us stupid people who think she is merely a cunt.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

No, I'm inclined to think that she's a cunt and perhaps now frantically trying to undo the damage already done

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)