Alt: you won't believe this, and who could blame you
But I broke a bloke's nose once after he tried it on with me.

That's not WHY I hit him, I hit him because he replied to my protestations of having a girlfriend by saying "yeah but I've seen a picture of her and she's a complete donkey".

Ex-girlfriend, obviously.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:23, 5 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Nice arrows.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Was your ex a right swamp donkey?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:26, Reply)

That's probably a little harsh but she was no stunner
Back then I was just grateful she had a pulse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:28, Reply)

why were you showing him pictures of her, by the way?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Had one in my wallet
I say "wallet", I obviously mean "back of dubious magazine". Blacked out the number though. Didn't want to end up custard cousins.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Custard cousins.
*spews*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Heard that from a gay

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:37, Reply)

You drinks the custard.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:42, Reply)

or you gets the hose.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Surely that should be "He rubs the custard on his face ..."

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 12:13, Reply)

You could have at least conformed to stereotype and slapped him instead.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Haha!
Bitch slapped.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:30, Reply)

If you'd spent the previous four hours drinking in this bloke's company
you'd have fucking punched him too
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:35, Reply)

How do you break somebody's nose by beating feebly against their chest and squealing "you beast you beast you beast you beast !"?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:32, Reply)

+ horrid

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:33, Reply)

That qualifies as foreplay.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:33, Reply)

It's working for me.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Accident

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Adamantium palms
And VERY well-developed wrists
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Your prints were charming

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Ridicule is nothing to be scared of

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Not on here

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Prince Charming.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:40, Reply)

*golf clap*
Is there a prize for being slower on the uptake than me? Don't suppose it's come up before
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:43, Reply)

Come up.
Titters
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:45, Reply)

He thought you were a woofter because your GF was a munter?
I'm confused.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:33, Reply)

*flutters eyelids at confused bloke*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:34, Reply)

You are trying to come out this week, aren't you?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:36, Reply)

I am well gay and everything.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:42, Reply)

*Confusion level increases*
*Contemplates early lunch*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:37, Reply)

He didn't think I was a woofter, he knew I had a girlfriend
but was trying it on anyway
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:37, Reply)

This isn't helping
So you were boffing a minger and he therefore concluded that you wouldn't mind boffing a bloke?

I'd ask to see his working.

working etchings
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Right, it goes like this;
Met friends for booze at Uni bar. Met this bloke for he first time that day. Much beer consumed. He then tries it on, I say no (seriously, I did), he asks why, I respond "because I have a girlfriend", he answers as described above, I punch him. The end.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Amen brother.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:47, Reply)

I'm still surprised at myself, I'd never raised my fists in anger save the odd playground scuffle
He was a scrawny fucker which I think helped
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Bully!
You can't beat a bit of bully.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:57, Reply)

well, every hole's a goal.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:44, Reply)

It really isn't.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:46, Reply)

well, it is, but some goals are not necessarily any good.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Tell that to the RSPCA when they come a-calling
Killjoys.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Every vole's a goal

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:49, Reply)

bestiality's best, boys.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Every veal's a goal.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:50, Reply)

This is going to look well confusing
l t
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:53, Reply)

Surreal

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:54, Reply)

Don't mention goals
Sore topic round my way. Even more sore than my hole, before you say it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:49, Reply)

I bet your hole is sore.
Scuze me, you said not to mention it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:51, Reply)

You're posting drunk again old boy

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Yes I am.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 11:57, Reply)

You know how I can tell?
You haven't mentioned Billy Elliot yet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 12:00, Reply)

Tappa tappa tappa

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 12:03, Reply)