Serious answer.
I don't think it unreasonable for jobseeker's allowance to pay your mortgage/rent up to a point. Nor do I think single parent's allowance is unreasonable. What needs to be addressed is the way it can be abused to produce career benefit scammers.

For example, if you're renting, support should only be provided up until your rental agreement runs out. After that, you need to make alternative arrangements. Child support should be capped to pay for the amount of children you have at the point of application, if you choose to have further children whilst still on income support, you're a fuckwit and not the Government's responsibility. Nor should the Government give you a larger house. Rather, they should give you the means to pay rent capped at an appropriate amount to pay for a place that can support the amount of children you have at the point of application.

Disability allowance should be limited to disabilities that actually stop you from being capable of supporting yourself and not, as has been seen, being a fat cunt.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:40, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Disability payments in the North of England would go down 80% over night.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:43, Reply)

This is the trouble when you live in an area
that believes eating fruit and vegetables makes you "a furkin' poove"
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:44, Reply)

Im not sure you can get housing benefit to help pay a mortgage
I might be wrong though but I think if we were suddenly unemployed we'd be fucked.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:43, Reply)

Can you not get insurance for that, though?
But really, I don't see why your mortgage couldn't be paid for say, six months or a year.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:45, Reply)

You can get insurance but its an extra cost and I think you have to have been paying the mortgage for two years before it counts

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:48, Reply)

most MPP policies are effectibe immediately.
Go and see an IFA.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:57, Reply)

You can get housing benefit to pay a mortgage, but only interest.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:46, Reply)

So we would still be fucked, ah well good job I got myself one of those new fangled educations

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:52, Reply)

MPP is only about 30 quid a month and covers you for six months.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Stop trying to sell me insurance!
I don't have £30 a month! I'm married with two kids! I don't have 30p!
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:00, Reply)

get some insurance.
Go to an IFA and sort some cover out.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Nah, insurance costs money
I like to live dangerously,

We probably already have it, my dear wife the accountant sorts all that shit out, I recently discovered that if I die she gets £250k
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:55, Reply)

I know a man who can help with that.
*Glances furtively round*
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:57, Reply)

problem is, the fuckwits who have too many children, don't work etc
aren't the ones who wiull get screwed by this, it'll be their 'innocent' kids. This is why sterilisation is the key, just ask phillijoe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:44, Reply)

Can you get versectomys on the NHS?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:46, Reply)

Yes.
Although at the moment I imagine it would count as non-essential surgery and has been cut to fuck.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Nah, they do them under local at the local doctors surgery
Mine was done by my GP. It took half an hour. Plus its cheaper to do a quick slice and stitch than look after yet another human.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:49, Reply)

I wouldn't trust my GP anywhere near my knackers.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:53, Reply)

Sounds even more painful

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:50, Reply)

Indeed
We can house and support two children so I have had my testicles mutilated. I believe all responsible males should do the same.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:46, Reply)

Then they ought to find some fucking work.
If you're working, I don't see why the Government couldn't cover the cost of a creche, or whatever. It's got to be cheaper than provided houses and rent for four or five bedroom houses. Especially as you only need to do it until they're in school.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:46, Reply)

We would be better of if the wife quit her job as the childcare costs are about £320 a week
But as kids grow up and go to school and the job market down here is fucked we think she's better off working.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:51, Reply)

Unfortunately, there aren't that many jobs around.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 12:56, Reply)