Hercules is still in the land of the living.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:06, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

put it out of its misery
and buy a new one?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:14, Reply)

no way.
I love my hamster.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:15, Reply)

BEST QOTW EVER
was the guy who wanted to buy a hamster for his daughter; have you seen it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:17, Reply)

no

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:18, Reply)

as it's quiet on here today
My daughter's hamster

It's my daughter's 4th birthday and I go up to the posh bit of Enfield and buy a beautiful loving black hamster and a hamster cage.

The hamster comes in a cardboard box that I place on the seat of my car as I drive down to Hackney.

Well, it starts battering away at the sides of the box so I put the box into the footwell of the passenger seat.

I got home, went into the house with the cage and then returned to the car. The hamster had bitten a hole through it's box and as I'd left the car doors open had fucked off into the street.

Fuck. Anyways its only 4pm so I'll go to a Hackney pet shop and get a replacement hamster.

I get to the pet shop and ask for a hamster. "OK!" says the young lad who's underage working in the shop.

Anyway he shows me this golden hamster in it's cage. "OK that'll do!" I say. He opens the cage and grabs the hamster which does not move. "Oh err he must be sleeping! I'll see if there are any others!". The hamster in the cage is clearly dead. Anyway he gets me another hamster from the back of the shop. And this is a Hackney hamster. It's got attitude, an ASBO and wears a hoodie. It starts screaming away as it gets put into its cardboard box but I think fuck it I can't let my dear daughter down.

Anyway I install the hamster in its cage and then drive into middle of London to collect my daughter from nursery.

My daughter's birthday is in November so it's dark by now.

As Im travelling along I look in the rearview mirror and I see the original black hamster cleaning its paws on the rear parcel shelf. Fuck me. I thought I'd beeter catch it and put it back in its box otherwise my daughter might freak out in the car.

So I stop the car and then suddenly get an inordinate fear of being bitten by this hamster. So I put on a pair of big ski gloves that I had handy and began to try and catch this fucking hamster.

So there I am, on a dark evening, looking for a black hamster in a black-trimmed car with a pair of black gloves on. Fucking genius.

Anyway I caught it after 15 mins put it in ots own cardboard box, nested that box into the econd cardboard box and put the fucker in the boot.

Anyway I picked my daughter up and was travelling back to Hackney and got at attack of guilt. What if the poor hamster was suffocating? I could have that on my conscience even though I was secretly thinking of murdering the working class Hackney hamster.

So I opened the boot and fuck me the little bastard had chewed through both boxes and was free in the car. Fuck it I thought.

So I start driving again and sure enough the little fucker was on the parcel shel again loking straight at the mirror - and I swear it was smiling.

Anyway I screeched to a halt opemed the back door and the hamster shot off into Newington Green never to be seen again.

2 days later my daughter leaves the lid off the cage and the mad Hackney gangsta hamster escape and comes a ropper in a moustrap we had down.

So we replaced it with a pair of the wifes tights all rolled up and she was quite happy with that (she thought it was having a really long sleep) for a couple of weeks until we got a third hamster.

(tonyhrx, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 13:34, I like this!, More)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:18, Reply)

is that satire of some sort?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:23, Reply)

"sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and a story is just a story"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:23, Reply)

stop bullying me please.
We all know you only bully me because you fancy me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:25, Reply)

yes
i fancy pixels on a screen. that'll be it.

muppet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:28, Reply)

You're a chick. Ergo you dig him.

( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:29, Reply)

is that how it works?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:29, Reply)

Do you not see how often he says chicks dig him?
You are a female, I take it?
( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:30, Reply)

this is correct.
Chicks do indeed dig me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:35, Reply)

repetition does not necessarily equal truth

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:43, Reply)

Racist.

( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:23, Reply)

Needs MOAR goat

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:26, Reply)

What about a goldfish?
Easy to replace, cost bugger-all, can flush them down the toilet once the kids lose interest.

I went and purchased a dog from the RSPCA for my kids, which has suprisingly turned out to be a wild success.

The dog is so happy to be part of a family, came house-trained, and guards our house like her life depends on it. She travels everywhere with us and is very tolerant of the kids "dressing her up" in blankets and towels.
( Ken Oath, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:33, Reply)

what about you throw a tantrum and get qotw closed down again?
Terrible trolling, right here.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:40, Reply)

Well...I guess the mods listen to some, and ignore others.

( Ken Oath, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:57, Reply)

alternatively, grow some fucking balls.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:59, Reply)

lol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:19, Reply)