Evening.
I am being a shut in this evening, as my epilepsy kicked in big style today for the first time in a couple of years. I am monged out on meds as a result.

Tell me your best joke about epi's and other window lickers.

Alt: When were you last ill?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 19:21, 21 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

What do you call an epileptic?
Rachel!

(Rachel is the name of the last epileptic I spoke to.)
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 19:39, Reply)

2/10.
See me after class.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 19:41, Reply)

Soz, retards aren't allowed to teach.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 19:47, Reply)

Even at the special school you went to?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 20:02, Reply)

what do you do if you meet a Joy Division fan?
Support their legs, loosen the rope and cut them down as quickly as you can.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 19:50, Reply)

Haha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 19:59, Reply)

Mate, wrong person to ask.
I saw my Ma' today, she just got back from cyprus. There is some well juicy gossip.

To get residency every year you need to show you got £10k in the bank, and B&T's thing was up. They borrowed £10k off The Old Lesbiens with the idea of putting it back in their account after a month with the interest. Well, a month goes by and B&T say "Sorry, don't have it". I don't know how they explained it or whatever, but thats a total of £11k they now owe TOL (they already borrowed a grand a few months earlier).

Also B&T share a car with TOL, where TOL have it when they're there and B&T have it the rest of the time, and when they're both there, they just use it ad-hoc. The idea is that TOL buy the car, and B&T look after it for them while TOL is in the UK. TOL get back and see the back windscreen wiper was fucked, so B&T said "We don't use the back windscreen wiper, so why should we pay to fix it?" so didn't fix/replace it; given the fact they didn't pay anything towards the car was lost on them.

So the lesbiens came 'round one evening, to Ma's, drunk as a skunk, all in tears. They're pensioners, they spilled all the beens. They ain't got a pot to share out, and definatlly not a pot of that size. Ma' goes "Well, sell the car then, it cost £50/week, you don't have the hassle, you're only out for 3 months of the year in total" so now they're going to sell the car. and B&T are gonna be fucked.

Plus B&T looked after the villa for like 5 years, they shitted up the garden, charged every month, ain't cheap, but they're mates. They did things like only bill once every 6+ months when we were telling them so many times to do it every month so it doesn't add up. They said things like "Oh, btw, we couldn't pay XYZ bill of yours about 4 months ago, so that needs paying" (one of their jobs, which was part of what we pay they for, was that they would sort our bills and we'd sort them out.). They kept schtum on it though, forgot or whatever. Luckly they're really lax, they don't seem to care when you pay, as long as you do, but over here that would have been huge fines. So Ma' thinks everything is dandy until she's told she has XYZ to pay that she didn't know about before she left to go. It's not their fault we have those bills, but it's their fault that we didn't know about it.

So, we ain't using B&T now and they're in shitsvile, they all did a deal that no one will sale the bungalows for less than £72k, well, that ain't gonna happen, there are villas with pools going for not much more than that. B&T said they'll sort out TOL when they sale the place, meanwhile it's been 8 years they've been trying sell it for now.

Poor old TOL.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 20:05, Reply)

Is this a outline of a film that you've written or something?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 20:19, Reply)

Nah' man, all real.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 20:45, Reply)

B&T? TOL?

I have absolutely no idea what any of this means. Sorry Gonz.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 20:39, Reply)

B&T names not saying, TOL = The Old Lesbiens.
its about all the jucy gosip going on in Cyprus at the moment.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 20:45, Reply)

I have to say my lovely wife has been super awesome at looking after me today.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 20:21, Reply)

it's so sweet that you say that about Monty.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 20:38, Reply)

While I know it's not o/t etiquette, I wish you well and hope your condition settles down soon.

If not, your wife can save on washing machine related expenditure by positioning you in a full bath, waiting till you have a seizure and throwing in the weekly wash.

Top tip right there.

You cunt.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 21:38, Reply)

That's all very well
until he chokes on a sock.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 21:57, Reply)

Ah well, he can't get any bluer.

Inevitably, a cock will also be soaked.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 22:01, Reply)

Bender.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 13 Oct 2012, 21:55, Reply)

What did the Scottish epileptic get for christmas?
A wii fit.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Sun 14 Oct 2012, 2:18, Reply)

Oh, they're dead good those, you stand on the little platform and you can go skii'ing on the telly and shit.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Oct 2012, 12:02, Reply)

The weirdest one
is the ravin rabbids TV party sledging, you sit on the board and steer with your buttcheeks.
Can't do that on a PS3!
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sun 14 Oct 2012, 12:57, Reply)

I'll have a go...
What'a an epileptic's favourite meal?
Tongue.

What do you call an epileptic on a merry-go-round?
A fitter and turner.
( Ken Oath, Sun 14 Oct 2012, 6:52, Reply)