You should have replied:
"Madam, this is a pub. It is not a creche. We don't have high chairs, we don't have children's menus (unless you count the non-alcoholic drinks behind my glowingly polished bar), we don't have a ball pit. We have a pool table, a darts board and enough regulars that I am not terribly bothered about your custom. I suggest going elsewhere."
( Kroney, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:19, 5 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

+ and then punched her in the tits.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:20, Reply)

'Also, I have just done a poo in your handbag'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:21, Reply)

I bet she's a fucking lesbian.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:23, Reply)

she decided her kids could share a fish and chips, then asked if we could do a special batter without beer.
I might punch her in the tits.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Batter without beer? Hahahah
What a prick
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:26, Reply)

I read that as Battered
And did a little lol
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:32, Reply)

Ask her how she would advise you to go about extracting the beer
from a frozen ready meal. Would she suggest trying before or after it goes in the microwave?
( Kroney, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:27, Reply)

:(

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:43, Reply)

Does she...no wait

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

Do you think she thinks...no she can't

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

Does she think if you eat battered fish you'll get drunk?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

God she sounds nearly as thick as Tango's tard missus.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:34, Reply)

I have years of offtopic gossip to catch up with
INFO ME UP MOBO
( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Tango's wife is such a monumental dunce that she can't tell when he's been smoking
plus he's convinced her that regular and aggressive anal prevents breast cancer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:47, Reply)

Does he just tell her that the smell is the side effect of a vegan diet?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:48, Reply)

He tells her that it's her own tits that she can smell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:52, Reply)

I do love the way these things snowball.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:54, Reply)

Her tits snowball?
What on earth are you doing to them?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:55, Reply)

Shit in her cunt.
Beer free. FFS.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

+ 'GERRAHDA MY PUB! GO ON....GERRAHDOVIT!'

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:25, Reply)

He'll never get to shag her up the shitter in the men's bogs, the cubicle with the broken door and the phone number of 'Fat Angie' on the wall, for preference
With that attitude
( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:26, Reply)