Tell me about the last spastic injury you inflicted upon yourself.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:22, 79 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I change my mind, i'm making a morrocan tageeen thinggy with a double-diss to yo' mamma 'cus it's a Cuss-Cuss yahgetsme !
I don't really injour myself that often, how'd you do it bats?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:28, Reply)

Bashed it on the bed post.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:35, Reply)

while cutting up a corpse, eh Piotr?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:39, Reply)

Never in the UK

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:53, Reply)

Your premiums gonna shoot?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:47, Reply)

I once ran over my own finger while skateboarding.
I was about 22 at the time.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:34, Reply)

Haha, it's like a Harvy [from E17] in minature form.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:48, Reply)

Ha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:53, Reply)

it was mega painful :'(

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:58, Reply)

I once held my rear passenger door in one hand to keep it steady, while I pushed it shut with the other hand.
Completely trapped two fingers in the door, like an epic flid.

Three days later, I did EXACTLY the same thing.

The main reason I never go out is that I can't be trusted not to injure myself.

So, has microbattered discovered the joy of hitting your plaster cast and getting a reaction?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 18:58, Reply)

She keeps looking at the cast and crying 'daddy has an oowie'. Tried to explain it as being a big sock. She then tickles my toes and giggled. 5 minutes later looked at my foot again and started crying again.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:01, Reply)

Awwww

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:02, Reply)

I know.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:04, Reply)

We need some testosterone in this thread, stat.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:05, Reply)

* mans up*

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:06, Reply)

I'm overflowing with the stuff.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:07, Reply)

alright darth

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:09, Reply)

That's the sickest burn ever.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:10, Reply)

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
backhand her
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:22, Reply)

woah check 'em

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:22, Reply)

i ripped my leg open Saturday while drunkenly stomping through the woods

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:13, Reply)

Alright K?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:16, Reply)

alright j?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:16, Reply)

Good thanks. Aggadoo.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:20, Reply)

falling down a flight of steps in a hospital the day before I was due to be discharged and breaking my arm was my standout spastic moment
in my defence I was 12 years old and probably hadn't learnt to walk properly
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:20, Reply)

I heard those straight jackets restrict movement.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:21, Reply)

hahahahaha yeah hahahahaha

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:21, Reply)

oh wait, I get it
you meant straitjackets

not straight jackets

hahaha

yeah
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:54, Reply)

Well you'd know.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:54, Reply)

how to spell?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:56, Reply)

or the lazy humour thing?
got to say I'm pretty good at the lazy humour thing
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:57, Reply)

Not as good as you are at the dull repetitive thing.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:57, Reply)

hahahahaha yeah hahahahaha

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:58, Reply)

woah check 'em

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:58, Reply)

haha "you'd know"
like in the playground, I get it
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:58, Reply)

haha what you say is what you are
haha

like in the playground

great internet
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:00, Reply)

That and how to wear one, based on your previous experiences.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:57, Reply)

I've never worn a straitjacket
I've worn some fairly straight jackets though

hahaha
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:58, Reply)

haha, we have a right laugh here don't we

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:59, Reply)

haha, I bet Dire Straights do too get it haha

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:03, Reply)

although if you want to be seen by a doctor really quickly then there's no better place to break your arm

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 19:21, Reply)

I got seen strait away get it hahahahaa

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:09, Reply)

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:09, Reply)

prolly when I spacked my shoulder falling off my bike.
my stationary bike.

sitting at the lights.

and broke my collar bone in 2 places necessitation surgery and a titanium plate.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:06, Reply)

Broke my arse sliding down the stairs a couple of new years ago.
CQ was there. I was a bit pissed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:09, Reply)

They let you out then..
After you punched that horse, I saw it on the telly.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:11, Reply)

Wasn't me guv.
Have you heard his excuses?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:16, Reply)

I did.
He has no chance of getting away with it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:11, Reply)

He's a (horse)shoe in for a conviction.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:12, Reply)

Neigh lad; he's innocent.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:15, Reply)

took half a fucin hour to get you up those stairs.
you drunken geordie fuck nugget
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:12, Reply)

Yeahahknow.
Most pissed I've been in a loooong time. I blame beeker's mojitos.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:15, Reply)

Alright son?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:54, Reply)

I don't have a broken foot, so yeah.
I should find out next week how long I have left on my contract. It could be June; could be September.

What's your fettle?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 20:57, Reply)

Supposed to be back in Poland next week; looking unlikely. Micro upset by seeing my plastercast & crutches, wife couldn't give a shit. Which is delightful. Obvs.
Have you started looking for another job just in case they don't extend?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:00, Reply)

I've been looking for months.
Had a couple of interviews in the last couple of weeks neither of which have come to anything - but at least I got interviews. Going to work on some stuff this weekend.

Draw a big smiley face on your cast.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:03, Reply)

It's the sort of cast that you can't paint apparently. Disappointed, was looking to micro colouring it.
Have you set up email alerts against your preferred job criteria? Takes an hour or two to do so across a few of the main sites, but saves a lot of energy once you've got them set up.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:07, Reply)

I get alerts from a couple of sites already.
Thinking about setting up a LinkedIn profile as well.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:09, Reply)

Yes, do so. Lots of recruiters use it. Plus it's free, so what's the harm?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:11, Reply)

None at all as far as I can see.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:12, Reply)

Dozer.
That's the harm.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:13, Reply)

Simply ignore.
The new fragrance from Yorkshire Prick Fragrances.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:14, Reply)

We move in different professional circles as far as I can see...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:14, Reply)

Understandable, he's not a professional.
Unless you count wanking and owning hamsters as a profession.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:15, Reply)

Although he has mentioned compliance
and part of my last job was ensuring compliance with EU regulations and State Aid rules. I suspect it was different though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:17, Reply)

His job is all about financial compliance for financial advisors.
And we all know how well we were advised by them before banks collapsed eh?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:20, Reply)

Thought it was something like that.
I got no beef with Dozer; I'm not on here often enough to get annoyed with people.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:22, Reply)

He's ok really.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:23, Reply)

Forum banter, etc.
I getcha.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:26, Reply)

Wanker.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:29, Reply)

I see what you did, there.
Prick.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:35, Reply)

Cockerino

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:38, Reply)

THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL WORD!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Apr 2013, 23:29, Reply)

If your Doris is giving you grief, you should put your foot down.
Oh, wait....
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:12, Reply)

Or punch her repeatedly.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:13, Reply)

She'll have to drive you about now.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:14, Reply)

Nah. Got an automatic. Thankfully.
She drives about 12mph. Drives me nuts.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:14, Reply)

I'm watching BBC2 at the moment.
It's well interesting.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:17, Reply)

I'm watching HIGNFY on iPlayer.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 21:21, Reply)