album bumhole
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:27, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

You can tell you've just got back from Amsterdam, you filthy pervert.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:32, Reply)

when i was a kid, i got an autograph book for christmas
and some old twat of an "uncle", you know the kind that isn't really related, thought this was appropriate to write in a child's autograph book:

albums are green
albums are blue
but in africa (where i come from)
all bums are black

my mum ripped the page out.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:34, Reply)

He sounds like a right card.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:35, Reply)

i think he might be dead now
he once bought me a book of shakespeare sonnets, which was nice.

until he gave me the same book 2 years later.

and then AGAIN.

i now suspect he may have gotten them free with petrol or something.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:36, Reply)

Worra cunt, eh?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:39, Reply)

what can you do?
my dad made me laugh though. "have you read any of them before?" he enquired genially, as he passed me the book for the third time.

"twice," my dad muttered.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:41, Reply)

I've got a mate who bought his girlfriend a watch for Christmas 3 years on the trot.
She never wears a watch.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:43, Reply)

how is he not dumped?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:44, Reply)

He was, briefly, the other week.
Fortunately the horrific car accident he was in not long after swayed things a bit for him.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:45, Reply)

jesus
that's rather a dramatic way to get someone back
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:49, Reply)

I don't think he intended to crash.
Swerved to avoid a deer, hit a post, car ended up on its side, seatbelt clicked open on impact and he ended up pressed against the (smashed) side window sliding along the road with a back full of gravel and glass.

Lucky to be alive, really.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Apr 2013, 20:08, Reply)

bloody hell
i wrote my dad's car off at 90mph on the motorway once. all 4 of us walked out without even a scratch or whiplash. it was about 15 years ago and i still dream about it. poor bastard, he was doubtless much less to blame, and much less lucky.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 20:11, Reply)

It's fair to say he didn't have a very good week that week.
Had the car not hit the post and been deflected, he would have gone over what was effectively a cliff edge. So he got lucky.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Apr 2013, 20:13, Reply)

jesus
stupid deer
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 20:16, Reply)

As I said, he got lucky.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Apr 2013, 20:19, Reply)

I think my favourite sonnet is sonnet 130.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 19:40, Reply)