Rory pulled out the wad of cash from his pocket, flicking through the notes gained from his latest tarmacking job. The dozy old woman who’d coughed up hadn’t even realised she didn’t have a drive. There was loads of cash to be gained from senility.

Glancing around he realised how much he loved this caravan. It was his 18th birthday present from Pa. He’d named it ‘Dun Poaching’ after his last experience with a gamekeeper & his 12 bore. Christ knows how he was going to adjust to being part of the settled community.

Pa. Now there was a man to admire. He still held the Romany record for living the most laybys in the south east. Hell of a scrap business he’d built up as well. Shame about that incident with the lawnmovers. How was he supposed to know his cousin had robbed 20 sheds in a week? Still 4 years wasn’t too bad a sentence.

He felt his frustration rising. He didn’t want to settle, but if he wanted kids then this was the sacrifice he’d have to make. He knew how to make himself feel better.

He fired up his laptop, typed in B3ta.com and chose one of his many usernames. Now who to start with?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:29, 22 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What the fuck is this shit?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:31, Reply)

Now who to start with?

on
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:33, Reply)

Repressed sexual tension.

( Kroney, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:37, Reply)

I there *anyone* on here Battered doesn't have a secret bone-on for?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:39, Reply)

he did say something about wanting to push his fingers through your luscious flowing locks
and splay them like a starfish

i don't think he meant the locks on your head.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)

* drinks mind bleach *

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)

so you've denied wanting me or monty
that leaves kroney, stunned or lighty.

interesting.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)

I like my odds.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)

It really doesn't look like it, Monty.
I'm worried about the guy.
( Kroney, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)

I'm worried about him humping my leg.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:41, Reply)

Ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:42, Reply)

u

a
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:41, Reply)

did you ask himjim re sat? he lives south doesn't he?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)

no but I sure will

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)

Yeah, I'd hate that too.
I wouldn't dare use the diminutive unless the person did first.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)

I went to Bicester just now,
It's horrid. But they do have a road called Crumps Butts, so that was nice
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)

Bet you're all missing my bbc news links now eh?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)

No.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)

KITTEEEHHHHH
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-23261505
(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)

I prefer this one, myself
www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/23261769
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)

5 wickets for 9 runs?
That sounds quite good.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)

if he wanted kids then this was the sacrifice he’d have to make he'd have to get a woman to have sex with him, and the last time he tried that he got himself on the sex offenders register.
(username failed moderation, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)