I was walking past the library the other day
I ripped two inches off the bottom of my trousers and threw it through the door. The librarian ran out and said "well that's a turn-up for the books."
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:31, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hi Tim Vine!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:33, Reply)

How dare you

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:33, Reply)

With ease.
I ain't give a shit, G.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:39, Reply)

call that Tim Vine, this is Tim Vine,
Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Our very own Jeff made up a joke which Tim Vine adopted, but I can't remember it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:44, Reply)

is this one of those stories where it's not true?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:45, Reply)

no it's genuine

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:54, Reply)

He'll be lurking in this thread right now, hoping to find more material.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:45, Reply)

I actually like him, until he starts singing.
WHY DO THEY START SINGING, WINDY? WHY????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:45, Reply)

PEN BEHIND THE EAR, PENBEHINDTHEEAR, PEN BEHIND THE EAR

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:46, Reply)

I was in the Army once and the sergeant said to me ‘What does surrender mean?’ I said ‘I give up!’

I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper… dicing with death!

So I rang up British Telecom and said ‘I want to report a nuisance caller’ He said ‘Not you again’

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah and I thought ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one’

I was taking the motorway out of London. A policeman pulled me over and said ‘Put it back’

I’ve got a friend who has got a butler whose left arm is missing; serves him right

Albinos; you can’t say fairer than that
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:48, Reply)

The last one made me laugh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 9:55, Reply)