Cycling
The noble passtime of cycling seems to have split opinion here on Off Topic. Some people love nothing more than to climb on a bike and head for the countryside. Others complain of granite saddles, traffic and achy legs.

How would you make cycling more fluffy to encourage others to get on a bike?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 24 Jul 2008, 11:55, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

attach a sofa
to the seat post and have someone else operate the pedals?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:01, Reply)

People who
"love nothing more than to climb on a bike and head for the countryside." are the worst of the fuckers.

I live in the countryside, I have to use the narrow, tree-shaded lanes to actually get from one place to another.
Most of these roads aren't wide enough to pass another car, thus the laybys are vital.

If you're merrily spandexed up, cycling along at 15mph, and a car comes up behind you, please move to the side and let me past.

They never fucking do.
I'm at fucking breaking point with you cunts, and I'm going to do the same thing I've done with "pretty wildlife".
I'll stop braking for you.
Then I'll beat you to death with the shovel I have in the boot, and dump you in a ditch for the foxes.
( Cawl, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:04, Reply)

I would...
Make all bus drivers ride cycles on roads for 2 weeks before they get to drive a bus. Maybe then they'll stop cutting in to the cycle lanes.

The same goes for that white van man who knocked me off a few weeks ago and didn't stop.

Talking of saddles, mine is like a feckin' razor blade. It actually bruises my bum!

EDIT: That's a bit off, Kaol. Not all cyclists are cunts. Then again, I grew up in the countryside, so I suppose I 'get' the roads better. I just don't want to be mowed down...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:04, Reply)

A rickshaw!
Brilliant, but very expensive unfortunately. Have you tried getting one in London?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:04, Reply)

@Kaol
Clearly you have beef with Road Cyclists... Having been caught up with some in the past I can sympathise.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:06, Reply)

I'm sorry,
That wasn't directed at you guys, it was more of an open letter to the bastards.

Driving to see my Gran takes 8 minutes from mine to hers.
It took me 25 a few days ago because one cyclist sat in the middle of the road, the whole way there, and wouldn't let me past.

I wasn't a happy man.
( Cawl, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:09, Reply)

I sympathise
That would drive me crackers...

I've had the same problem with scooter riders too.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:10, Reply)

cyclists on main roads
is a bad bad bad idea.

squash them. squash them all, i say!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:12, Reply)

*ponders*
Hmmmmm, I'd tax the bejesus out of fuel. Oh no wait...

Seriously though, cycling is brilliant. It's an efficient way to travel distances over a few miles. It's great exercise that doesn't completely knacker you out or destroy the body e.g. it's low impact stuff so it's easy on the joints.

There's a bit of speed to it too so you can get an adrenaline rush.

As with all things though you have to stick at it for a couple of weeks before your body gets used to it and achy legs and sucklike are a thing of the past.
( djtrialprice, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Haha, I sympathise too...
Many, many cyclists are bastards.

I fail to see why they should be squashed, though...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:19, Reply)

if there was a bike made of kittens
I might consider cycling.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:20, Reply)

if there was a bike
designed to run over kittens, I'd ride it.
( djtrialprice, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:22, Reply)

motorise the fucking things
I look very undignified when sweating.

plus spinning at the gym is the most evil sadistic pas-time ever, its not fun, i would rather nail my face to a tree than go spinning again.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:23, Reply)

To make my point clear
I don't have a particular issue with cyclists.

I think it's an excellent, healthy and cheap way of getting about.

Where I live is very, very rural, so I think nothing of "popping in the car" to see my best mate, who lives half an hour away. The nearest shop is a fifteen minute drive, and that's along 60mph roads, for the most part.

So, despite cycling being good stuff, it's not helpful for me.

My only real issue is inconsiderate cyclists. I respect that they have a right to be on the road, but I think they need to accept their limits. If I'm following a slow tractor, it'll pull over to let me by. That's a lot of hassle for the tractor driver, but they do it out of courtesy.
I wish more cyclists would do the same.
( Cawl, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:23, Reply)

^Agreed!
@Halfy... You can already get motorised bikes! ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:27, Reply)

DiT
You are correct, and about 99.95% of them are owned by fugly women with saggy arses, and they look shit.

give me a more aesthetically pleasing motorised bike, that runs on water please, and im a happy man.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:31, Reply)

I was riding home from work once and someone yelled "Get a car!" at me. I yelled "Fuck you and your mum you rancid cunt!".
Perfect. More of this please.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:33, Reply)

I'd love to be able to cycle.
It's just that my bottom is not made for it.

I have however spent many a happy half an hour on an exercise bike sat on a comfy towel.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 13:17, Reply)

Lady saddles
For a lady:

www.specialized.com/bc/SBCEqSection.jsp?sid=EquipSaddlesWomen

It's difficult to get a comfy saddle, I've been through five and still can't quite get it right.

I find that too much padding (on the saddle, not my arse) is a bad thing and I have one saddle that gets very uncomfortable indeed if I put on a few lbs. A good way of letting me know when I'm turning into a fat bastard I suppose.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 24 Jul 2008, 13:23, Reply)

@Al
The last thing I want is a numb arse.

It will spoil all my fun.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 13:36, Reply)

This is a current problem for Mr BobFossil
He has a beautiful bike, loves cycling (as much as I do, if not more!), and would happily cycle to work every day, but for one thing: a distinct lack of bike racks at work.

His company moved offices recently, and took great delight in sending one of those wanky corporate emails around saying "what lovely offices we now have! And we're doing our bit to save the environment by having employee cycle-racks in the basement etc etc". Except they've only put 10 racks in. Which were taken very quickly indeed. It's too much of a nice bike to leave locked outside to the lamppost (it would go missing within a couple of hours), and the company aren't prepared to get any more racks put in, despite there being plenty of room.

The government needs to make it easier for people to cycle: better paths (that don't have lampposts in the middle of them, or that don't suddenly stop for no apparent reason), more places to leave them, and better attitudes towards cycling.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:40, Reply)

While we're on the subject
Another thing that really, really pisses me off is the fact that most offices in London (especially in the city) leave their lights and computers on all night and all through the weekend. There's just no need, and it's such a waste of energy and money.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:42, Reply)

@Al, you perve.
I meant my arse cheeks. I don't want numb arse cheeks or the friendly slap I sometimes get will be a waste of engergy by my beloved.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Topical!
As I've just been down to the bike shop putting mine in for a repair. I've only had the fucker a couple of months and maaged ot bend a chainwheel.

Someone mentioned spinning? At my gym, it just seems to be abuse to music on a bike. I dread going in there when shouty woman is taking a class.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 16:55, Reply)