Happy birthday Jeff from all of us here at Battersea x
Good weekend? Mine wasn't great.

Alt: What about the week ahead? Mine won't be great.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:45, 184 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Here you go Jeff, a birthday treat.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:51, Reply)

This is what he REALLY wants.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:55, Reply)

hahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:56, Reply)

christ that's niche, even for jeff. tranny dogs.
they must have size fucking 12's
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:58, Reply)

More Dozer's thing then?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:59, Reply)

yer

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:25, Reply)

B3TH THIS IS NSFW CAN U MOD IT PLZ IT'S GETTING ME INTO TROUBLE AT MY SPREADSHEET MONKEY JOB AND I HAVEN'T PAID FOR THIS PLEATHER JACKET YET

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:59, Reply)

Fucking hell.
also, the one on the left is well fat.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:18, Reply)

ai
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:22, Reply)

I could cut glass, here.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:23, Reply)

why didn't I get this lolarious "joke"? why?
when BATTERED has to clarify something for you, it's not going to be a good day.

lovely weekend at home with the family/school friends. but a long week of work and gym. urgh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:55, Reply)

Thanks very much.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:57, Reply)

its my daughter's birthday today - is jeff my daughter? that cock gaz i sent was a mistake then
boring weekend. gave myself saturday off which the wife took advantage of by going out with her sister and leaving me to babysit.

alt. wallpapering and working. dull. what's happening with your wek ahead then?
(ranker joe shabba, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 7:58, Reply)

Happy Birthday Jeff
My weekend was *excellent* as per-bloody-usual.

Alt: This week I plan on doing some sitting down, and chatting to strangers in 'The Internet' about choc-dips.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:02, Reply)

toffee flavour choc dips or gtfo

(ranker joe shabba, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:05, Reply)

^THIS GUY KNOWS HIS DIP BASED BISCUITY TREATS^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:11, Reply)

NO WAI!
It's called CHOC dip not TOFFEE dip you mongol
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:20, Reply)

It's a TOFFEE CHOC DIP you massive bent spazzer.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:24, Reply)

If it's toffee then it ain't chocolate IS IT?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:32, Reply)

The product is called CHOC DIP the flavour is TOFFEE innit.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Sounds like false advertising to me

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:43, Reply)

It's that spastic I thought you'd done the brand management.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:44, Reply)

And what about hamburgers eh? They're not even made out of ham!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:01, Reply)

It only 'sounds' like it because you have to read out loud.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:45, Reply)

Yeah it was alright, booked a holiday in Turkey for next week so looking forward to that
Happy birthday geofffery
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:19, Reply)

Happy birthday Jeff.
My weekend was great.

Alt: Yeah looks like that could be good an' all
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:44, Reply)

happy birthday cheff, and may your first child be a masculine child
i donno how smart it was having a bowl of my homemade chilli last night as im shitting acid blood glass shard logs this morning. nah it was totes worth it, always is.

this week is one long horn drone outof inception in that it is long and sustained and a fucken boring drone that gives me a headache and isnt really fun at all. i dont remember signing up for this shit
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 8:57, Reply)

Happy birthday Jeff xxx
It's Lampers birthday too, so happy birthday Lampito.
( wanderlust, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:02, Reply)

It's also Bruce Springsteen's birthday.
And Julio Eglesias's.

So let's all say happy birthday to them, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:05, Reply)

Also Cherie Blair's birthday fact fans.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:09, Reply)

And Holocaust Memorial Day in Lithuania.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:10, Reply)

A pretty happy day for a lot of people then.
Happy Lithuanian Holocaust Memorial Day xx
( wanderlust, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:13, Reply)

LOLocaust MORE LIKE!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Happy birthday Jeff, whoever you are.
Weekend was good. Friends round on Friday - got pissed, had a curry and watched Carry On Screaming.

Saturday went to a dear little antiques market that featured some lovely Nazi memorabilia, then went to the pub and got pissed - to a significant degree on a Burton Trent beer called Stairway To Heaven, which was nice.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:19, Reply)

A...er....friend would like to know where this antique market is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)

Wood Street Indoor market in Walthamstow/Epping.
In Lewis a couple of years ago I was very tempted by a wonderful silver SS teapot I found in the market there. Sadly they wanted £175 for it, which was about £174.99 over my budget, and they wouldn't accept sex in lieu of payment.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Happy birthday Jefferson
My weekend was OK, revolving as it mostly did around giving a small child pureed peas.

This week - far too fucking busy. Meh.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:20, Reply)

as usual the fucking pleb-infested tube has got monday off to a cracking start
i was annoyed that i had to top up my oyster card (feels like such a waste of money, shouldn't they be paying me?) and there was a huge Q for two machines. when i was second, the girl in front of me didn't move up. i asked her if she wanted to go; she said she was with her bf. at which point the dickhead behind me cut in and started using it.

i normally sigh in silence, but i was already cross, so i said, "excuse me?" he said, "you were taking too long." i snapped, "i was being POLITE. you could learn a thing or two about that." he shrugged nastily at me.

anyway, by the time i'd finished, he was still pissing around trying to get it to take his card. so i said sweetly, "now THAT'S taking too long," and sailed past the angry little cunt.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:21, Reply)

First world problems, ladies and gentlemen, first world problems.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Oh, I dunno
the state of the public on the tube on a weekday is pretty much third world and accelerating downwards.

But, hey, best city inna world, innit?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:23, Reply)

you just keep hoping the vote fails
so it can continue propping up yours, old buddy old pal
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:24, Reply)

haha. oh yeah, that.
Do you read the FT, by the way? You might want to check out the article about Edinburgh being the key future location of inward financial investment.

Or how it's been the highest ranking city in the UK for quality of life for the last 13 years straight.

You just keep getting on those lovely, lovely tubes, sweetie.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:28, Reply)

I always enjoy it when Londoners who won't set foot outside the borders of their manor call other parts of the country parochial.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:30, Reply)

I WAS IN CHESHIRE ALL WEEKEND

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:35, Reply)

Ah yes. The one part of the country, barring Cambridge, where the barista count per head of population is enough to tempt Londoners to get outside the M25.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)

hey, when i grew up there, it were all fields

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:48, Reply)

imagine instead of the tube, the dude had stolen my sheep to get to work
put yourself in my shoes, yokel boy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:23, Reply)

Typical ignorant city type.
You ride COWS to get to work. Bigger, innit.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:25, Reply)

Harder to steal.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Means you don't have to make sandwiches and as long as you've got teabags can always get a cuppa.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)

It's good that cows have a built in kettle.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:33, Reply)

*flips switch*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:39, Reply)

MOOFAX

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:44, Reply)

You should get a bike.

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)

you should get an execution
preferably a slow painful one
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Needless to say you had the last laugh?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:22, Reply)

as always
london underground had the last laugh, what with its rammed sweaty disgusting tubes that STOP for HOURS between stations for NO REASON
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:24, Reply)

Those tube drivers deserve a pay rise.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:25, Reply)

what, the ones who are already planning to strike over christmas?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:34, Reply)

They should get Christmas off

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:37, Reply)

they should get 365 days a year off

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)

I never have any problems with my tube jouney.
Just sayin'
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:30, Reply)

well, my problems with it are primarily due to
- there not being a train IMMEDIATELY i set foot on the platform

- there being OTHER PEOPLE in the carriage

so you might not mind
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:35, Reply)

Well, sometimes in the morning I *do* have to wait 3 minutes.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:36, Reply)

wank gag

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:39, Reply)

it was a bit, yeah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)

^this

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:42, Reply)

*abstains*
strikethrough 'ab'
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Yeah well all my trains were cancelled so I've been on the ghastly tubes and buses as well

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:26, Reply)

i walked to work and listened to some music
you should do that instead. it carnt be good for the ol stress glands getting all hulk in the morning
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:28, Reply)

What music did you listen to Reg?
To clarify, I'm asking this so I can abuse you for something as harmless as your musical tastes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:34, Reply)

i was listening to some early nineties piano house type stuff mince
puts a fucken smile on my face and a spring in my step
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:38, Reply)

When I can muster the oats to walk to Angel in the morning it does set me up for the day.
I listen to R4 and occasionally get to say hello to Boris Johnson. Which is nice.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Alright "Juice Newton"

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:51, Reply)

i like walking home
in my famous ass-toning trainers. but it's too depressing to walk 6 miles and only have work at the other end!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:34, Reply)

are those the ones that are shaped like a toddlers plastic seesaw?
was you wearing them when you faceplanted fleet street?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)

they are indeed
and no, i was wearing my running trainers that evening :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)

runn fall
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:42, Reply)

I had a great Saturday but a meh Sunday
Was Calf 2's birthday and we rented a bouncy castle for the day in the garden. It was sunny and pleasant and we only invited about 8 kids so not too mental. Curry and wine on evening.

Alt:
Off to Dumfries tomorrow for the day and LOADS OF WORK today
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:41, Reply)

mini ape is 2 and a bit now and is so much fun, we have a right laugh

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:43, Reply)

haha yeah

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:44, Reply)

woah
Mr was 4 on Thursday. Got a "Cars" bouncy castle. He went fucking mental when it got inflated!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:44, Reply)

So what happened over the weekend Mince?
Anything that we can give sound and impartial advice about?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:42, Reply)

Nothing of note, I'm afraid.
Feel free to make something up, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I see..i am fucking broke if that makes you feel any better
any more bites for your flatr?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Until Mrs Cow got paid on Friday I was on the "beans on toast" diet

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:46, Reply)

at least she gets paid, Mrs Apes pay is pretty much wiped out by nursery fees

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Gone back full time now
THANK FUCK

Extra £900 a month
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:48, Reply)

No more offers but more questions and viewings.
The agent chap I spoke to this morning was very relaxed about the sale, simply due to the number of people interested in seeing the place. At some point someone will offer the amount I want, for sure*


*not for sure, but very fucking likely
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:53, Reply)

You aren't under a time constraint to sell though, are you?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Not really

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Anybody work with any copywriting firms/departments?
Oh and morning, by the way.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:43, Reply)

Yes
However I'm sure Dozer will offer you his financial service copy skillz
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I think copywriting is the job for me.
In the right organisation, it ought to let me apply the knowledge I've already gained and develop me towards a career in publishing. Besides, I got my degree in writing and I enjoy doing it.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Well you'll need a portfolio of work to start with

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:48, Reply)

I've written guides and manuals for work, here. That ought to suffice for a junior job.
A year or two of that to build a proper portfolio and then I'll be off!
( Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:49, Reply)

so what do you want to write about?
long copy or short?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Ideally long copy, but since all I've done so far is short, I'll have to do that for a bit
at least until I get some opportunities to write longer pieces.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:53, Reply)

I do that kind of thing too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:50, Reply)

I write all the online copy for my firm. Does that help?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:45, Reply)

a million percentage yes or one percent, I get confused between the two

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:45, Reply)

I had a pretty good weekend.
Did some tidying up, reviewed my photos and decided that I'd like to buy a proper camera and that I think I have finally settled on what I want to do in a new job. Got some adminny bill-paying shit to do tonight and then full steam ahead.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:45, Reply)

gaz cavey, she loves her photography and I could give you some good advice
So whats the new direction then?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Copywriting, I think.
Seems like the best compromise on what I want to do and what I can already do.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:48, Reply)

and scarpe

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:49, Reply)

scarpe take fucking brilliant photos
He should do a book or something
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:50, Reply)

You take a good photo

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Most of them are pretty washed out.
I'd forgotten I'd set my camera to automatic white balance and that it's shit.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Well I liked them

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Can I touch you now?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:49, Reply)

what do you have now?
I got a Lumix LX3, which is compact but has enough manual controls for a beginner like me...although I wish it was much much quicker
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Lumix FZ20
which is a bridge camera similar to yours, but about ten years old.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:52, Reply)

My weekend was pretty BOSS m if I do say so myself
I did NOTHING on my Saturday, and on my Sunday I played boardgames and tabletop battling games for COOL PEOPLE

Yes you can all touch me

Alt: work, boardgames, sleep, starting OU course.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I wish I was more like you.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:51, Reply)

bitch everyone does

( Theoban What of it, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:04, Reply)

Happy birthday Jeff
Mediocre weekend and a week of hard work ahead. On the plus side my flatmate's mother feels I'm a bad influence and that I'm too PC which is the first time I've ever been called that in my life.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:57, Reply)

alright amberl, wotcha doing back here?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Time in the day again!
Inbetween lectures and such like. How are you and the little one?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Who's your flatmate's mother? Nigella Farage?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:00, Reply)

sexeh!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Nowhere near as attractive and dulcet toned
which is saying something.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:11, Reply)

hello old pal

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:04, Reply)

Alright Monty
how have you been?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:07, Reply)

AMBERL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how are you?? xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:16, Reply)

It may be time for a new thread.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Hey good luck with the opening night tonight!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 9:59, Reply)

What?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:03, Reply)

londonist.com/2013/09/hollywood-in-the-west-end-warwick-davis-stars-in-spamalot.php
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 10:05, Reply)