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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I've been out all day
I managed to ask the one girl at the baby shower who'd just had a miscarriage if she had any kids. Oops.

Waiting for the man thing to turn up now. Got the fire on, drinks in the fridge etc etc.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND YOULL SEE A 'MAN THING'

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)
she's a vampire
She has no reflection.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:42, Reply)
JUST BECAUSE I'M GETTING LAID AND YOU'LL HAVE TO ROLL ON A CONDOM FOR A WANK BECAUSE EVEN YOU CAN'T BEAR
THE COLD CLAMMY CLUTCH OF YOUR AMPHIBIOUS WEBBED FIST
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)
ITS CALLED A POSH WANK YOU FAT SCAB

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
^ too much coke making the fat girl bad tempered ^

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
I hope it's diet.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
I hope your cock rots off

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
I don't think it will. It's very well preserved, oiled and maintained by expert hands.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:48, Reply)
Alright dr tadpole

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)
diet cocaine?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
Yeah I got it. I was referencing her massive frame and the fact that diet coke, as in the drink, would be better for her.
But thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)
see, the hilarious irony is that diet coke is the fat whale's favourite soft drink

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)
It's mine too, maybe I should try and shag her.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)
what, have Psychochimp's sloppy seconds?
She's tainted goods m8.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
They all are at our age :(

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:59, Reply)
what, they've all been on the receiving end of a life loser's amateurish ministrations?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
The ones I have been with complain of this afterwards.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:04, Reply)
I told you
He couldn't get it in. Trufax.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:14, Reply)
He must be wielding a monster not to penetrate your cavernous gash.
Plus, that's grim.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:18, Reply)
Nah
If you are so bad at foreplay that it physically hurts, the girl will clench up.

Don't tell me you've never experienced this.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
No as I am a Virgin.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
I think you may have yourself to blame for that.
No bloke has any idea what a woman needs unless
he meets one who takes the time to show him.
It's not instinctive like engine tuning you know.
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:28, Reply)
haha!
In all seriousness, if I'd had a sexual experience as humiliating as that, I'd never visit b3ta again. The shame would be too much.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:24, Reply)
Have you never had a shameful regrettable experience?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:29, Reply)
not since I was about 15

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:31, Reply)
You must have little to no sex.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:32, Reply)
alternatively, I'm not a ham fisted nob with no idea where the clitoris is

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:34, Reply)
So everytime you have done the deed nothing unfortunate has EVER happened?
Good work, Lothario.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:38, Reply)
one time I was fucking this chick and sucking her feet
I flipped her over onto all fours and she did a fanny fart when I put it back in.

It was well lol.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:41, Reply)
Urrrrrgh feet sucking
Gross
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:53, Reply)
your feet are gross, yeah
Hairy, warty, smelly, sweaty and bigger than mine.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 23:00, Reply)
Course he has.
He lives in Yorkshire FFS
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:33, Reply)
IT'S A UNITARY AUTHORITY, ACTUALLY

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:35, Reply)
it's funny because it's true
probably
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
DONT YOU START BULLYING POOR DR FROG TOO

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
It is true
Dozer is exactly the same
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
You bitches are jealous as me and Dozer are fly and players4lyfe and you don't stand a chance.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
yeah, I saw some of last night's thread

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)
If you saw me, it would be 'shock and awe' at my splendour and magnificence.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
we should DJ thegither some time.
I'll warm up with hip hop, then get stuck in to some 130bpm breakbeat then hand over to you for the dnb biznizz.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:59, Reply)
you might do OK
I mean Jive Bunny made a lot of money
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
no they didn't.
Hence The Tidy Boys.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)
I'm not meeting you, but it's a lovely thought.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)
I'll play the Evil Nine remix of Music by Ils as my first track

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:04, Reply)
This
youtu.be/7_-IlMC3WqA
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:14, Reply)
as long as you drop Bambaata I'll be happyish

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:22, Reply)
Of course. That and Zinc - on fire tonight

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:23, Reply)
and Warhead

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:26, Reply)
And Metropolis

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:30, Reply)
and Terminator

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:31, Reply)
Good shout, I had forgotten that

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:32, Reply)
It's Jazzy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:33, Reply)
Champion sound

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:36, Reply)
138 Trek

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:37, Reply)
I can follow up with a bit of
Mantovani if it helps.
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:23, Reply)
Cool edj, you're in for the 'chill out' set

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:27, Reply)
I've played Satie alongside DJ Shadow

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:28, Reply)
i mean tracks by, not physically

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Slowdance expert me.

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:35, Reply)
the erection section

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:37, Reply)
It's getting a bit late.
Was he not on the same date as you?
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
No
Not wanted a a baby shower. Nor did he want to go!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:13, Reply)
Is that a junior version of a golden?

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
Think it might be fibs

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:13, Reply)

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