Just had to top my boss’s engine oil up for him.
On the list of stupid car tasks I’ve been asked to perform, that’s a pretty close second to the time one of the guys asked me to change their windscreen wipers.

You'd think IT people, being technical types, would be rather less useless.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:35, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I hope you put the wrong grade in just to learn him.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:35, Reply)

He chose it himself.
5W30.

The oil already in there was black as pitch, too.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:37, Reply)

always a good sign
how old's the car?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:38, Reply)

Ten year old deisel
I don't know much about them, to be honest.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:40, Reply)

Did you throw a bag of sugar in for good measure?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:38, Reply)

sugar's much more effective in the petrol tank, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:39, Reply)

I thought that was flour?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:40, Reply)

actually neither of them would have the slightest effect
bar I suppose potentially blocking one of the fuel filters. In which case flour would probably be more effective if that was your aim, as it'll stay in suspension in petrol better than sugar.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:43, Reply)

Flour would bind to the oil and clag it all up.
I bet it'd lower its burning temp, too. You'd get a fucker of a deposit off it.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:45, Reply)

maybe in the oil, although I think the oil filter would have it
not in the petrol. It's not soluble so the filters would have it out.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:47, Reply)

A big enough lump of oily flour in your filter
and your engine gets no oil.

In petrol you'd have a different problem because your injectors would clog pretty quickly.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:51, Reply)

True dat. ... although I don't think it would get to the injectors, as it goes.
It wouldn't get past the fine filter on the feed pipe in the tank for a start
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:55, Reply)

Friend had an engine problem recently.
Stone in the carb. Now that's a proper way to fuck an engine, he lucky it was just a carb.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:57, Reply)

he should have used the atkins engine

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:59, Reply)

Yeesss.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:47, Reply)

I've been asked to change light bulbs and windscreen wipers, too.
I bet there are even a few of the manlier women that could change a windscreen wiper by themselves. For a man it's just embarrassing.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:41, Reply)

* I dont change my headlight bulbs *
But to be fair they are a bit if an arse to get to and the garage does it for free.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:42, Reply)

I took one of them high level brake light jobbies apart a while back to replace a few burn outs.
That was a fucking pig of a job.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:44, Reply)

I dunno. I had a 2002 Renault Laguna for a while, years back
I'd have paid you any fucking money to change the cunting headlight bulbs on that. They seemed to necessitate removal of the timing belt and the aircon system first.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:45, Reply)

My mate had a Renault and a gearbox problem necessitated the removal of most of the engine.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:47, Reply)

It cost more than a grand to change the timing belt on the fucking thing.
Mind you, they are incredibly good in crashes, which is lucky, as my girlfriend at the time span it off the A1M at something over 80 and put it down a 20 ft embankment backwards into a tree and walked out without a scratch.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:49, Reply)

Rule of life: never buy a french car.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:52, Reply)

They're lovely and comfortable
but inexplicably losing all your lights on a country lane isn't fun, as happened to a mate's Peugeot recently.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:53, Reply)

Meh, that's schoolboy stuff compared to Alfa electrics.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:56, Reply)

Never tried it. Fancied a 156 for a while but I got put off
by them charging a kidney per clutch.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:58, Reply)

Ahem
Don't get it serviced at an alfa garage, standard fiat parts will fit.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 17:02, Reply)

^ This

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 17:03, Reply)

or italian deodorant

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:54, Reply)

dont they say they are "not user servicable" on those ones.

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:53, Reply)

Well if the oil in it was that black you should
have done a full fucking oil change then you last French cunt
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:41, Reply)

Ent my car, ent my problem.

( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:43, Reply)

Typical IT personnel response.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:51, Reply)

Fucking keyboard cunts

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:53, Reply)

Lucky he didn't just tell him to restart it.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 16:59, Reply)

The problem was, as usual, a driver issue.

( Kroney, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 17:01, Reply)

Baaaaa dum tish

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 17:02, Reply)

Try the veal.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 17:03, Reply)

*groan*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 27 Jan 2014, 17:18, Reply)