version that hasn't eaten after midnight child's version
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:23, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

mnnnnnnng

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:29, Reply)

your o face isnt improving anything

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:39, Reply)

i think he's just spotted a special offer on jacobs cream crackers

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:42, Reply)

what is it with you self-flagellating cunts and dry crackers?
food isn't a punishment, you know
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:46, Reply)

They should try those nice, biscuity Hovis crackers

( Kroney, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:48, Reply)

I can't believe the Mods haven't banned this terrible troll

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:52, Reply)

They're nice and sweet. Perfect with a bit of blue.

( Kroney, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:55, Reply)

cream crackers are gross
but i had a tesco finest spicy sweet chilli oat biscuit the other night, with cracked black pepper boursin.

FUCKING FIT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:51, Reply)

tesco pov

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:53, Reply)

it was left over from a charity tea party that i hosted, for lonely old people
the old gits cost me over £100 as it was, fuck going to whole foods for them, they couldn't chew it anyway
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:59, Reply)

chilli oat cakes and cracked pepper cheese for toothless crones, eh?
yes ... this certainly has all the hallmarks of something that actually happened in the real world
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:06, Reply)

blimey, if you want the boring detail, here it is
the charity has two types of volunteers: drivers and hosts. as i have a low-slung 2 seater car, it's not really suitable for the elderly guests. so i volunteer as a host, and have about 2 tea parties a year. there are about 10 elderly folk and about 6 drivers, who are usually mid 20's-mid 50's. i therefore buy (fuck baking):

- couple of platters of sandwiches
- range of cakes
- range of biscuits
- range of cheeses and crackers
- range of crisps and dips

normally i go to m&s because they do big platters of sandwiches, but on this occasion, i screwed up and went to westfield for 9am instead of 10am. faced with the choice of hanging around for an hour or hitting tesco, i hit tesco.

is that enough real world detail for you? i have some pics on my phone if not, so i can always upload one?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:12, Reply)

This is my very best "I am interested in what you are saying" face.

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:15, Reply)

don't ask if you don't want to know

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:21, Reply)

nobody asked

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:29, Reply)

you asked
because you have nothing better to do
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:38, Reply)

nobody asked
you unilaterally decided to tell us about your good deeds

which is already a bit bizarre but particularly odd given that the story seems to be that you do it twice a year and still begrudge them more than 100 quid or any personal effort

it's not what I'd choose to brag about online
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:45, Reply)

it was tongue in cheek, you raddled old freak. if i begrudged it, i wouldn't do it, given that it's purely voluntary. instead i'd marry a french pikey and rejoice in our joint pikeyness
you said that it didn't sound like something that happened in the real world. thus querying the veracity of my post. so i explained it. you then whined like a little bitch
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:48, Reply)

imagine if you put some of the effort you waste on here into the real world
you could do real charity, you wouldn't have to work until midnight, and you could afford a real house
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:52, Reply)

bless you, you've got no idea
i own more than one property. i choose to live in the central london one because that's where i work.

i don't have to work until midnight; i choose to do it when i think it's necessary.

i am a trustee of one charity, volunteer for a second, and donate to three more each month.

off you pop and update your little spreadsheet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:55, Reply)

cheaper supermarkets are very much in now. do keep up.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:00, Reply)

I'm not a slave to shopping fashion.
Like everything else in my life, I like the experience to be pleasant rather than a chore.
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:11, Reply)

Shopping is never a chore.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:15, Reply)

im all about rosemary crackers at the minute

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:00, Reply)

i like fudges jalapeno wafers
they're not really wafers, more crumbly biscuity goodness.

thank god. wafers SUCK.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:02, Reply)

my orgasm face looks like Geoff Capes trying to pull a truck by his pubes while one of his favourite budgies is mauled by a cat

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 12:44, Reply)

hahahahahaha!
CLICK
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:04, Reply)

OfficeLOLs

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 28 Oct 2014, 13:45, Reply)