Just had goose and salmon dropped off, for Crimblepops dinner.
Cooking for 12, 11 normal and a foodwrong vegan sister in law, ffs. The mad cunt wants hers cooked in a separate oven, in case the aroma of flesh infects her vegiloaf and vegetables. I may sabotage her dinner with goose fat, is this a really cuntish thing to do? What cuntish thing have you done recently?
Alt, do you have any relatives you can't stand?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:15, 103 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

get the selfish fuck to bring a packed lunch

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:35, Reply)

Last time we were at hers, I rebelled, and ended up cooking bacon on a camping stove in her garden. Fucking mad cow.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:36, Reply)

camping fax stove
Cycling ave.

Catwring.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:55, Reply)

this.
Sabotage isn't really cool but if she's going to be fussy she can cook it her self whilst not getting in the way of the grownups food.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:56, Reply)

She can also not arrive, she's only there cas parents are coming.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:57, Reply)

When I cook saussages, I cook my proper meaty ones in the same pan as my wife's quorn ones.
They adsorb all the lovely meat fat and start to taste OK. My wife doesn't know this, and thinks I just know how to cook them well.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:42, Reply)

So sabotage then? If she found out she'd never speak to me again... \0/

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:45, Reply)

that sounds like a bonus by the sounds of it.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:57, Reply)

Yep.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:58, Reply)

Cuntish thing? I set up a "sockpuppet" account on off topic to poke fun at a boring stupid poster, it backfired though as no one could tell the difference and my clever imitation and satirical reproduction of posting style went unnoticed.

(Lou Carpenter, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:49, Reply)

Areyou Rory? Your spelling and grammar are excellent, considering you're using a head dobber.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:59, Reply)

I'm lovely and none of my friends and family are awkward or mentals.
Also, I'm assuming the goose is still alive and honking around your yard in blissful ignorance of its fate while you lean over the scullery door sharpening a cleaver.

brb having a meat wank
(old man river possible lesbian, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:54, Reply)

also also ... just bung her shit in the microwave for five minutes
it's not like it has any joy to lose
(old man river possible lesbian, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:57, Reply)

b2b make her eat it in the garages so she doesn't infect the other diners.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 16:59, Reply)

The nutter is a chain smoker, she's not bringing that inside.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:00, Reply)

Chain smoking vegan?
Odd combination.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:23, Reply)

Yeah, she's a bit mixed up. That's the polite version.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:25, Reply)

what about all the poor tobaccoes that died so she could burn their corpses

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:32, Reply)

And the poor lighter gas.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:35, Reply)

I assuming that because she's vegan she's single
and because she's single she's angry, bitter and conscious of her biological clock
and because of this she chain smokes, making herself even angrier
and mental

or a lesbian
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:37, Reply)

She's single, never been a relationship with any sex, as far as I know. Lard on her toothbrush too...

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:40, Reply)

hook me up m8, I could do with a bit of psychotic thirtysomething rage right now

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:42, Reply)

She's into 'alternative' therapies too, homeopathy, crystal healing etc, so be warned. You've no idea how many pleasant debates we've had, me withmy gp nonsense, her and her reiki. She also disapproves of us having a dog, referring to him as a prisoner of
war.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:52, Reply)

Fuckin'el

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:03, Reply)

If you're still interesred...

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:09, Reply)

I was having a pint not so long ago and got chatting with a builder who reckoned all ills could be cured with 'minerals'.
It sounded like a mixture of bollocks and pyramid selling to me.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:41, Reply)

It could help in certain situations
www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8Fi08u8bh8
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:44, Reply)

Grr, I had one of my former patients lose a limb through diabetes related conditions, they refused to accept our advice, and instead decided to rely on homeopathy. What?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:51, Reply)

my mum isn't a crystal hugger but she was into things like arnica.
Which apparently only works if you don't touch it. So presumably it's rendered inert by skin but not whatever gubbins our insides are made out of.

She was a bloody practice nurse and all.

I've never understood the 'more choice' argument in medicine. I don't know shit about my insides. That's the doctors job.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:56, Reply)

I heard a piece on R4 a few days ago about homeopathy
Robert Winston destroyed the woo woo pedlar with facts and statistics from the homeopathists own studies, however the woo woo pedlar still wouldn't accept it. Twat even claimed he'd had a cold and homeopathy had made him feel better and he 'hadn't taken any antibiotics'. 24 carat twat.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:06, Reply)

I've destroyed cold with booze and pills and generally making my body as inhospitable as possible.
Do they ask me to appear on R4? Do they fuck.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:09, Reply)

A good hot curry can usually kick the arse of a cold, dunno if this is alternative though?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:16, Reply)

you're not wrong.
Good for preventing prostate cancer as well.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:26, Reply)

That 'twat' was an MP and serves on health/science committees
Don't you just love democracy?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:15, Reply)

I think I've read about him before.
He tried to defend homeopathy by saying that 'there's no point in attacking something that has a proven track record'.

But nobody was doing that as they were attacking homeopathy.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:23, Reply)

Homeopathy is one of the biggest bullshit cons going medically.
It's also responsible for a lot of deaths and fails, due to belief in this shit. It really does fucking piss me off.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:27, Reply)

it's unethical bullshit.
However we are only losing people who lack the gumption to work out it's bollocks.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:29, Reply)

Even the thick deserve decent med treatment.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:33, Reply)

Unfortunately.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:34, Reply)

Tosser, go away.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:23, Reply)

^^

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:39, Reply)

We're having a Chinese meal
Did it last year, went down a treat. None of us really like turkey or the twatting about with a full roast/veg/three kinds of potatoes/ so Chinese it is.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:46, Reply)

Sounds good, I'm getting Chinese for our staff do next week.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 17:53, Reply)

We're cooking our own
Have wok, will cook!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:55, Reply)

You should cook her meal to an exacting standard complying with her every wish
I’m sure if you was going to hers for a meal she wouldn’t try to force her vegetarian standards and food down your neck and be quite pleased to slap down a 30oz steak on your plate very, very rare.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:19, Reply)

Alright hare, how ru?
I'll chicken out, and cook her meal exactly as she wants. I'm a wuss.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:24, Reply)

All good Ta, you?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:30, Reply)

Good mate, just looking for a present for the missus, no bloody idea at all.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:32, Reply)

Get the kids to make her something with sentiment attached

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:41, Reply)

Do ebay sell it?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:51, Reply)

Hmmm steak.................

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:25, Reply)

I'm having steak tonight
Fillet, rare.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:55, Reply)

what happens when you go round a vegans and they offer you a brew?
Do they other to palm you off with soya milk?
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:36, Reply)

I just drink black coffee usually, so it's never come up. I'd assume she has soya, or that other nut stuff.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:40, Reply)

fair enough. I drink coffee black and all.
Last bird I was seeing used butterscotch aoya milk on her cereal. I found that a bit abhorrent really.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:43, Reply)

Bring a pet cow with you to avoid such situations in the future

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:46, Reply)

I just got a pie on the walk of shame back to my gaff innit.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:50, Reply)

Pie=good.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:53, Reply)

my local's just started selling pies seeing as it's relevant.
This pleases me.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:00, Reply)

Pie and beer? Can't go wrong mate.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:07, Reply)

it's a shame you left the medical profession. they need more of your sort.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:11, Reply)

I dispense ten years of training from the bar now.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:18, Reply)

it's all fun and games until one of your punters whips his pile-ridden arsehole out.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:25, Reply)

You're not far off there, I'm consulted on a daily basis for all sorts of shit. I've been told, 'I'm too embarrassed to see my gp'.
Whut? You cannot embarass a gp. Except maybe with spelling.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:32, Reply)

that's why I've never understood the premise of that embarrassing bodies.
I'd much rather let a gp look at my nethers than have a whole film crew have a swatch at it.

I did nearly slap an aged female doctor upside the head for prodding my mumps-swollen nadgers with one of those lolippop stick things though.

I do quite like it when Ben Goldacre calls that Dr Jesen bloke out for being a fame-hugging prick though.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:37, Reply)

You name it, I've seen it. Gp, hospital, paramedic shadow, a and e, msf, psych, detox. It's only a body ffs, we all have them. Even dozer apparently.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:42, Reply)

yeah. a lass I know is doing her rotations at the moment.
She said paediatrics was the worst because she hates kids and they're even more annoying when going through heroin withdrawal.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:45, Reply)

Paedriatrics is grim.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:56, Reply)

Who needs cow's milk
when there's a ready supply of MAN MILK.

Has more flavour anyway.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:11, Reply)

tried that but it turns out she wasn't keen on cummy shreddies.
:(
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:13, Reply)

Hide it in the porridge.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:35, Reply)

Bring your own bovril milk derrrrrrrrrrr.

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:42, Reply)

only wrongs drink Bovril.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:43, Reply)

EXACTLY spike the fuckers

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:45, Reply)

Bovril and lard milkshake?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:48, Reply)

Marmite is out too :((

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 18:52, Reply)

Marmite dosen't actually have any meat bi-products in it, hence the reason I said Bovril
I did manage to keep the Vegi-prick who was always scrounging for food by convincing him everything that I had contained meat in one way form or another including Marmite
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:38, Reply)

haha.
Most beers have fish guts in them.

I think becks is an exception but it's shit.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:40, Reply)

Becks goes down a treat on a hot summers day, I had one for each last year.......
by that I mean that I drank no Becks last year :(
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:44, Reply)

Marmite has yeast, which is live, which is meat eating apparently.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:43, Reply)

The Vegan cum guzzler didn't agree with that statement when I was trying to get rid of her

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:45, Reply)

Cum not Marmite just to clear up any misunderstanding

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:46, Reply)

plants are live...
As live as yeast is anyway.

My mate used to work in a petro lab with one of these pricks who used to think that enzyme cleaners was unethical, despite making enzymes break stuff down is a treat, if anything. So would use a hazardous synthetic that actually posed a risk to people and animals.

Oh he also didn't believe in disciplining his dogs so had to phone up and say they 'wouldn't let him leave the house' on more than one occasion.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:50, Reply)

I know, I know. I just caan't be arse to dissent, I'll just serve up her wish list.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:53, Reply)

I don't blame you.
I regularly go against my ideologies for a bit of peace.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:59, Reply)

If the food wrong insists on serving you shit when you go there
You are allowed to serve her meat. Fact.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:47, Reply)

I said that
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2432688
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 19:48, Reply)

Means more coming from me.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:12, Reply)

If she wears leather shoes or sits on a leather covered seat
You are allowed to punch her in the tits. Another fact.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:13, Reply)

She wears leather, but buys it second hand. Apparently that's recycling.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:20, Reply)

it's almost as if her half-baked views on ethics are made up on the hoof.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:23, Reply)

animals have hooves
She wouldn't use them.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:26, Reply)

Alright jeff,

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:29, Reply)

Yeah. Just had a curry, might have a beer in a bit.
Yourself?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:43, Reply)

Good mate, bit pissed at work :0

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:47, Reply)

What happened to 'get pub, stop drinking'?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:49, Reply)

Generally, I don't, just fancied a few pints, one led to another.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:50, Reply)

Well get another one then!
And make sure you put the money in the till.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:53, Reply)

I try to pretend she ain't there.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:30, Reply)

last Christmas an unwell relative meant we had the whole tribe round.
For efficiency's sake I pretended I wasn't there.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:37, Reply)

We've the lot round, mine hers. If it wasn't for nut job, I'd enjoy it more.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:42, Reply)

my relatives aren't that twatty really but I'd rather spend time with people I know and like than feigning interest in the lives of people I see less than once a year.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:44, Reply)

I have my dad, brother and the dog for intelligent conversation.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Sat 13 Dec 2014, 20:49, Reply)