We have a charity cake morning thing going on in the office.
With dreary "guess who" first date stories like this:

I dated a professor’s daughter with a tendency to blush. She had an excessive saliva problem.
She used to foam at the corners of her mouth when she spoke quickly. When I think of it, I still feel queasy.
Not sure why we ended up going for a date but I bailed on the second,  she told her friends I was a big disappointment but I thought I’ll take that, just to get out of another.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:35, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

and this:
I was working in Tesco Home ‘n’ Wear on Saturdays while studying for A Levels.  My husband-to-be was working as a warehouseman while he was awaiting his call up for the Army – he went into the Royal Marines.  When people asked us later how we met, he used to say “I found her in Tesco’s bargain bin”.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:36, Reply)

These are pure win
Please liven it up a bit by giving a roaring brian blessed style laugh after each story.
( Peej, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:40, Reply)

GORDON'S ALIVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!!!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 11:15, Reply)

I have never been on a date with someone I didn't already know.
I met a girl in a bowling alley, we played one game then went home and fucked. Does that count?
( Peej, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:38, Reply)

Yes.
I had only just met YM in that dark alley before I fucked her.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:39, Reply)

She still walks funny

( Peej, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:40, Reply)

It's no laughing matter.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:41, Reply)

She made £64k before tax last year as a john wayne impersonator

( Peej, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:42, Reply)

Only afta she ate the peanuts outta ma shee-ut.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:45, Reply)

'I met a girl in a bowling alley, we played one game then went home and fucked'
Alright morrisey.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:40, Reply)

I'm afraid I don't get this due to me hating the cunt as much as Monty hates bowie
Is it a reference to a lyric?
( Peej, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:45, Reply)

At last! Something we can share!!
A mutual hatred of the self-important, monotonal waste of blood and organs that is Morrisey.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:49, Reply)

YAY!

( Peej, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:54, Reply)

^STRIKE!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:42, Reply)

Does that count as a perfect game?
or were you foiled by a split?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:43, Reply)

The old 7/10 split arse!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 13 Feb 2015, 10:44, Reply)