Sweet fucking mercy - I really wish I'd made this up
My company has been holding an internal competition for 'Ideas to Beat The Credit Crunch', with prizes that aren't worth jack-shit in the grand scheme of things.

My idea was to kidnap the company chairman and hold him to ransom, but obviously I kept that one to myself.

Still, it was better than what was announced as the winner on the intranet a few moments ago. The winning idea came from the overly-coiffured heads of the sales monkeys in one of our regional offices. It was an acronym - T.O.P. - short for 'Targeting, Optimism and Putting in that extra effort'.

Fuck me - the things you read when you don't have access to a guided missile battery.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 16:03, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

targeting, optimism and putting in that extra effort....
frankly, that disgusts me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 16:11, Reply)

Sounds like a toast to the downfall of the company.
'TO PITEE'
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 16:14, Reply)

Too much to drink, Oversleeping and Pulling a sickie

(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 16:38, Reply)

And what exactly is TOP supposed to do?
Just sound cuntish?
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 23 Dec 2008, 16:42, Reply)

Thats what they're meant to be doing anyway
pfft
(i should have joined myspace, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 16:50, Reply)

kill them
kill them all, now, before some one suggests you go for a swim in lake you
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 16:51, Reply)

I had one of those.
When I worked at one place I found a coffee mug in the supply cabinet that I took with me. It's a deep cobalt blue with gold lettering on it- probably quite expensive- and it has several large five pointed stars on it and the words "STAR: Striving To Achieve Results."

It's my all-time favorite piece of corporate wankage.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 23 Dec 2008, 17:08, Reply)

I find that
too much corporate wankery like that and you can actualy hear peices of your soul flaking away and turning to ash. Keep looking, Im sure you'll find the upload codes to that guided missile battery somewhere
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 19:01, Reply)

What halfy said...
But slowly...and with maximum pain - post pics :)
( snee held his breath since, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 19:04, Reply)

You need to have
a look-forward meeting to discuss and evaluate the company's event-chain methodology due to the increased scope of the project vis-à-vis Tuesday's meeting, compounded with our aforementioned desire to maintain quality without increasing cost, an as-yet indeterminate amount of time will be allocated to our newest venture. You should all be proud of the amount of effort and energy you have put forth thus far, and can be certain the project's conclusion will become more apparent as the tasks become increasingly more finite.




www.theonion.com/content/news/manager_achieves_full_mastery_of
(knackerz is skinning up, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 23:55, Reply)