Sunday Thread
No rest for the wicked - where are you dumping the bodies?


( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 8:13, 113 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Blimey Chains,
you're up early. What are you doing today?
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 9:01, Reply)

Mornin' all
How are we all today?
Just started cooking my usual Sunday morning breakfast - sausage, bacon, scrambled egg and devilled mushrooms. Nomnomnomnom.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 9:06, Reply)

Captain,
you don't fancy sending a plate of that over here, do you?
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 9:15, Reply)

Ooh breakfast
I am having a sausage roll (because I have a jumbo pack of them) and then a yoghurt. I thought about heading down to the café for a Full English but decided to go for a pub lunch instead.

And I'm up because my cat is up :)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 9:29, Reply)

Pub Lunch
is the lunch of the gods.

But no cooked breakfast or roast lunch for me as I'm out to dinner. I guess we three aren't coordinating our meals too well today.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 9:34, Reply)

Might I add
Tesco Value bacon noodles customised with soy and chili sauce for breakfast? It was good.

Today I will mostly be writing copy and getting the charity web sites together, designing a business card for my mate's mum and cooking a couple of soups.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Men are strange.
A man strolled up to me in a bar last night and bit my face.

He bit my fucking face.

I haven't been out in a while, is this some new kind of thing the kids are doing these days?
He bit my fucking face! What kind of person does that?

Also, morning everyone.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Oh yeah
It's all the rage these days, the old face-biting. I don't feel like I've enjoyed myself unless I've nibbled a bit of cheek.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 10:02, Reply)

Every Sunday
it's a tossup between café breakfast and pub lunch. I don't go the roast Sunday lunch no more as I tried it once and
1. the beef was dry
2. it is served with the few veggies I don't like.

These days it's the steak and ale pie or the gammon steaks or occasionally something from the gourmet burger menu.

Strangely all the pubs round here started offering a gourmet burger selection within a couple of months of each other.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 10:05, Reply)

No3L
Thanks for letting me know. I think I'll be staying at home from now on if face biting is the latest trend.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Don't let it spoil your night out
Hockey goalie masks are the perfect deterrent, and mean you don't keep having to redo your lipstick after every drink.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 10:08, Reply)

Morning all!
Face biting you say? Very odd. Still it could be worse he could have tried motorboating you! Nice to see I am not the only one with a bit of design work on this weekend.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 10:13, Reply)

@PB
At least motorboating is fun for all involved.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Mornin'
I'm having a quiet day in today. Plan on going through my backlog of unanswered e-mails and gazzes, and hopefully watch a DVD as well. All this talk of cooked breakfasts is making me think about visiting the nearby greasy-spoon.

See Yesterday's thread for what I got up to yesterday. On Thursday, I had a real-lifer meetup with some Internet-dudes from another website, and it went well.

Yesterday's thread was a bit quiet. Seems you all got up to something interesting yesterday.

Re Facebiting: OUCH!
One way of defending yourself from a facebite is to push your fingers upwards in his mastoids (the bit just behind the jaw). It hurts.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Bit quiet today too
I'm going to go put some pants on, in preparation for my pub lunch.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 11:35, Reply)

You mean to say you've been posting without pants?
*rubs thighs*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 11:51, Reply)

@ Lusty
This is quite true. I enjoyed doing it to my ex who was, shall we say, well-endowed in the chest department. She got fed up of me doing it one day and tried to suffocate me with her tits. Personally, I can't think of a better way to go.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:00, Reply)

I'd quite like to go
with a cunnilingus master between my thighs while Alan Rickman feeds me cheese and crackers.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:20, Reply)

Lusty...
I'll be watching that.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:24, Reply)

Well, you'll need someone who talks a lot
So I imagine people who work in call centres would be the best at that. Alan Rickman, however, dunno.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:25, Reply)

'Alan Rickman, however, I dunno'...
What sort of a statement is that?

Alan Rickman is not the answer.
He is the question, and the answer is yes.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:27, Reply)

To be honest
I don't understand women's attraction to him. Then again, a lot of people don't understand why I prefer Kate Winslet to say, whatever airhead is on the cover of Nuts magazine.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:44, Reply)

@clendrix
Every day I fall in love with you a little bit more.

I made you a picture. here
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Lusty
You want Alan Rickman's cheese??

Odd girl...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Lusty,
you are a genius. You can design the wallpaper for our living room.

Piston, I can quite understand how Kate would be a preferable choice. As for AR's cheese, Lusty and I have an understanding on the matters of:
Alan
Cheese
Geeks
Beards
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:47, Reply)

PB
I didn't say anything about it being Alan Rickman's cheese.

I'm also not odd, or a girl.
I'm a lady thankyouverymuch.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 12:50, Reply)

OK then Lusty
You are a strange lady. That do ya?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 13:07, Reply)

PB
Yes thank you. That's much better.

*happies*
*stranges*
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 13:09, Reply)

Me?
I don't mind being called odd. But that's coz I'm odd HA HA!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Spak,
yes. You are odd :)

Things settling down at work a bit?
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 13:23, Reply)

^ ^
I wouldn't say settled in is the way to describe it. My boss has left leaving me in charge of all his old stuff. I'm now the only one on my team. I'm expecting there'll be a meeting sometime next week to discuss what will happen next.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 13:36, Reply)

Spak
I remember you told me that stuff - I was just wondering if you still felt 'overwhelmed' or if things were getting easier. I guess nothing's been resolved yet, though.

It's a beautiful day in Cornwall.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 13:54, Reply)

So Alan Rickman WITH a beard...


How does that work for you?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:00, Reply)

Redux for me, Light :(
Edit: Works now. Yippie-ka-yay!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Chains...
what a nice Sunday afternoon treat.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Here's an even better treat for you :p
*waves*

Sad about Tony though. He was awesome.
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:44, Reply)

That's just what I needed.
*cheers up*
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Yay!
Are you back in England yet?
'cos I've got a couple of bits to send to you.
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:53, Reply)

No, I'm still in Cornwall :)
Having a special day with my fambly - it's nice.

If you need to e-mail me some big stuff, send it to my non-work address.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Oh, it's huge ;)
Sounds like you're doing ok there :)
*hugs you*
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Huge is good ;)
*hugs you back*

Yes, despite the day, we're all doing OK, thank you. You OK?
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:02, Reply)

Yeah, I thought it was that day.
*more hugs*

I'm ok thanks! I went to Stortford and got new army boots, the guy had found some for me :D

And I got an even-super-er super-lighter. It's like my old one, but "Military Grade".
I'll have to keep it away from scarpe, haha!
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Anything to do with b3tans and fire...
Is a good reason to keep the local brigade on standby, I reckon. I had a mate who used to pour petrol onto naked flames. One time he managed to get a largish mushroom cloud. Frankly, I'm surprised his still alive, replete with eyebrows.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Oh yay for new boots - at last.
As for the lighter, if scarpe comes in with an entirely blistered head, I'll know why :)

I'm now watching the Tottenham v Portsmouth game.
*sighs*
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Oh Piston... If only you knew
The kinds of things I've got up to with fire...

I don't know how to put the video online, but we made a 30-foot mushroom cloud out of a gunpowder pipe-bomb with 6 cans of hair-spray taped around it.
I love fire.

Ms. C, I think this lighter might burn through his head :p
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Kaol
We're going to have to re-create this, you realise?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:12, Reply)

*nods*
I'm up for that.

Shopping list:

1-inch diameter copper pipe (8-inches long).
20 shotgun shells.
A hammer.
A sharp knife.
Lots of tape.
A drill with a 2mm bit.
A fuse (from a firework).
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:15, Reply)

Hmmm...
I wonder if I shall have to remove this lighter from you in times of trouble?

As for Piston's idea, yes, let's definitely have a b3ta bomb bash.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Nah,
I'll behave myself :)

Hmmm... I've got an idea... The b3ta bomb-off!
Contestants make a short film of them creating and exploding a bomb.

EDIT: This news story made me giggle like a mong on acid. Ten points if you work out why.
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4286847.stm
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Please say it was something more worthy than 'boobis'.

( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:22, Reply)

*blushes*
No...
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Oh Kaol!
Shame on you.

Do we have to make our bombs individually? Or can we team up?
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:24, Reply)

We could team up.
You might have trouble finding somewhere to let yours off :P
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:26, Reply)

No, not at all.
As far as remote locations go, Cornwall's pretty good for choice :)

I need to find a good bomb maker.
I shall be in charge of making it look pretty.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:27, Reply)

I can't decide between
"Awesome explosive power" or "horrific rusty shrapnel".

*shrugs*

Both!
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:30, Reply)

I can't decide between
'making it look like an alien' or 'putting it in a dress'.

*shrugs*

Both!
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:32, Reply)

An alien in a dress?
Mental image of the day, ten points :)
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Thank you
*curtsies*
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:36, Reply)

One of my favourite mental images
is of a racist midget in a school uniform.
It never fails to raise a smile.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:37, Reply)

And then it explodes
don't forget.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Lusty,
what a funny little man.

Did you see that Celebrity BB's midget got drunk and drove his motorised scooter into the diary room door at top speed.
What a menace.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:39, Reply)

@clendrix
I've just watched it on youtube. What a pesky scamp that man is!
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:41, Reply)

I want a midget on a scooter.
And a chainsaw.

Oh, and some rocket boots!
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:44, Reply)

It's not Christmas anymore.
You'll have to wait.

My Dad saw the heartbreaking Morph pic on the front page and decided he'll take a look around on b3ta sometime.
/afeared
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:45, Reply)

Hahaha!
All your secrets are going to come out, Clarice...
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:47, Reply)

Yes, Ted...
that name you've given me there is...erm...

I think I may have to move far away. Far, far away.
It's bad enough my brother being on here.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:50, Reply)

That name is a
Silence Of The Lambs reference!

It's ok Mike, I'll hide your true identity.
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:53, Reply)

Cheers, Ted.
I trust you :)
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:54, Reply)

So you should!
Hmmm... Is nobody else posting, or have we scared them off?
I mean what's so scary about high explosives?
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 16:56, Reply)

I was just watching you two chat
and touching myself a little bit.

All done now though :)
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:00, Reply)

Especially ones designed by you
and dressed by me.
Perfect.

What's for dinner then, K?

Lusty, I was hoping you were still looking...
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:00, Reply)

Fair enough Lusty...
Did you have fun last night?
I managed to fall asleep, sorry for not replying :p

Dinner? *shrugs*
I'm not cooking :D
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:01, Reply)

I thought that must have been what happened.
You're always falling asleep on me.
*laughs*

I had a good evening. Talked a lot with Dad.

Oh wait, you weren't talking to me. You ninja-edited.
*cries*
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:05, Reply)

I was kinda talking to both of you :p
I fell asleep before texting either of you back.

Oh, and I've updated my profile to have my comic in it :D
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:11, Reply)

@Kaol
Last night wasn't the best night out I've ever had.
Some drunk man bit my face, another didn't believe that I wasn't on drugs and became quite forceful when I insisted that I'm not a coke dealer. (I was quite gutted by this as I actually made an effort to look nice for once. My jumper was hole free, I'd had a shower. I was even wearing false eyelashes!)

I then stood about for ages feeling very awkward because this incredibly hot Dutch guy was talking to me and I made a complete twat out of myself by being, well me really and trying to be funny. It didn't work :(
He was quite obviously talking to me to give his mate a chance with mine. I could feel the vibes of pity he was sending out.


All in all I'd give my night 3.5 out of 10.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:14, Reply)

Awh :(
That's pretty crap, sorry to hear it.

My night consisted of... Feeling a bit crap, having a smoke, going to bed, and then falling asleep.
So I don't think it gets a rating out of ten, as slamming my knob in a car door would've been more exciting...
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:17, Reply)

Slamming your knob in a car door would've been more exciting
But I fear it would have also been a lot more painful than just going to sleep.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:18, Reply)

Only one way to find out...
*grabs car keys*
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:19, Reply)

*grabs finger plaster*
*follows Kaol to car*
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:21, Reply)

If I had a penis.
I don't think I'd ever want to slam it in a car door.

I'd much rather just give it a bit of a rub while thinking about sexy things.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:22, Reply)

Lusty...
I loves you, I do.
*loves Lusty*
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:22, Reply)

You don't need the plaster
We're gonna kidnap a petrol station attendent :)
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:22, Reply)

@Kaol
Is the petrol station attendent to use instead of you? Or are they there to kiss your winky better when you give it an ouchy?

*loves clendrix hard*
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:25, Reply)

But I was looking forward to putting the plaster on.
:(

Yeh, what are we doing with the attendant?
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:26, Reply)

I'm not slamming my own equipment
In a car door.
I might need it one day.
Thus the abductee.


EDIT: Hmmm... Is it still thread-killing if it's the weekend?
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:27, Reply)

Yes
you murderous bastard.
( thealternativefact, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 17:40, Reply)

Oh...
That makes two of us :p
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:21, Reply)

Evening losers
I just bought mrs al a big biggish oh fuck you all it's not the size that counts sparkly diamond ring.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:29, Reply)

And you didn't get me one?
Bastard :(
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:30, Reply)

I didn't know you wanted one
they had a two for one sale as well, if i'd known I wouldn't have given the other one to that passing tramp.

Of course when I say passing tramp I mean my rectum, and when I say given to I mean forced right up.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:32, Reply)

Oh...
If you really gave it to a tramp, it would've got to me eventually.
What with me being Lord Of Hobos and all that.
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:34, Reply)

That's true
I had forgotten about you being the bum king.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:38, Reply)

@Kaol
I think you need a Lady Hobo. You could have your pick of the homeless womenfolk.
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:41, Reply)

Bum King?
Nah, that's Burt...

So, I assume that ring-related congratulations are in order?
Or I could make a LOTR joke.
*shrugs*

I don't know...
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:41, Reply)

Well, congratulations would be nice
but monetary contributions would be even better!

Hi Lusty, how are you?
(Bazongaloid, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:44, Reply)

Evening
I hate this time on a Sunday.

It's a real no mans land. Even though I love my job I still don't like Monday mornings.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:44, Reply)

Well, congratulations.
And I have some money with your name on it.
Well, I would if I had "Portugal"-money.
But I think they've got the Euro.

Lusty, you offering?
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:48, Reply)

Hullo al.
Congratulations on putting a ring on Mrs al's finger.
It won't be long now til you're taking her up the aisle.

@Kaol, to be your Lady Hobo? I'm not homeless but I'd be your lady any day of the week. Apart from Wednesdays, I have prior engagements on Wednesdays
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:49, Reply)

Oh...
That was far easier than I expected.
Why didn't I think of asking sooner?

The only stipulation is that you leave the comfort of your house, and live in a cardboard box.
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:53, Reply)

Ahhhh there might be a slight problem there.
I quite like living in a house.

Kaol or a home?

This is tougher than Daddy or chips :(
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:57, Reply)

Well...
If it helps sweeten the deal, you'll get a shiny ring made out of a twisted chip-shop pie-tin and a piece of car-crash windscreen-glass :D
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 18:59, Reply)

Oh Kaol!
You're so romantic.

*swoons*
( wanderlust, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 19:01, Reply)

Yeah, I know...
And modest too.
( Cawl, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 19:04, Reply)

Ning to all
I be on nights next week - Huzzah! Just seen the most annoying advert for Glade air fresheners ...... Some badly dubbed little cumstain of a child demanding of his Mother "I want to do a poo at pauls!".

I'd let him shit himself.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 19:17, Reply)

Evening all
"because I'm bored" probably isn't a good reason to open a bottle of wine, is it?

Still, it's a step up from "because I have one".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 19:19, Reply)

Of course it is.
Shit's always more interesting under the influence.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 19:21, Reply)

You talked me into it
It's a surprise bottle - it's a 2002 Zinfandel from the minimart. So it's probably been sitting there since 2002 (little shops love wine because there's effectively no sellby date). And only quality wines get better with age...

So it might be piss.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 19:38, Reply)

Yay! A drinking buddy!
Piss it may be but piss with alcoholic content.

Much like my own I imagine.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 19:40, Reply)

Ergh
Is it a problem that I like Liberty X?

'Just a Little' has me bopping (on my own, not that that isn't obvious)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 20:09, Reply)

@Spunky
I've opened it. It's quite thick and tastes oddly pruney.

I'm getting a buzz off it and it's not awful, so I'm going to call this one a win.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 20:23, Reply)

@Ethel
As is my wont when someone mentions popular music, I looked it up on youtube.

There's an awful lot of fit birds in skin-tight latex. Now I like this song too.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 20:25, Reply)

It sounds
like you friendly neighbourhood shopkeeper has been replacing fine vino with prison hooch.

Still, Whatever does the job.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Naah
I'm well aware that the bottom shelf of red wine at the local Star mini-market is... interesting.

All the wines down there are at least 4 years old. And they weren't high quality wines to start with.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 18 Jan 2009, 22:35, Reply)