Since everyone's jumping on the erotica bandwagon...
Here's my effort. Replies. Minor edits.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 12 May 2009, 23:10, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here you go!
Ah shagged this lass once. She wuz lush, reet classy y’kna – jus’ wern set o’ hoopy Elizabeth Duke earrings, an’ hor tracksuit matched up proper, like. None o’ yer Addidas bottoms and Kappa top combo – this wuz aal Primark. New an’ aal. An' she had this lush porfume on - she smelled like chips an' Lambert 'n' Butlah tabs.

Afta aboot a minute o’ foreplay (tongues an' everythin’) wuz were at it like two staffies at a bowl o’ broth – wuz lasted aboot 90 seconds like (canny, ah knaa), an’ when ah wuz at the vinegar strerks, like, she asked us t’ howk aal ower hor massive chebs, like.

It was mint. Ah got the left wern. Ah remembah this, cuz she had a tattoo of hor bairns on the right knocka, an that put us off me strerk a bit, if ye knaa warram sayin'.

Then she gorroff the bus an’ went herm. Ah had tey wipe me knob on the hoody o’ the lass in front.

Divvent think she nerticed, like.

Ah cudn't wait t' tell me marras at the curbs. Ah even sherwed them the blob o' spunk on me woggle.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 12 May 2009, 23:11, Reply)

*fwaps*
GnnnnnnggggggAAAAAHHH!

*wipes cock on random hoody*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 May 2009, 23:14, Reply)

"this wuz aall Primark"
You sir, are a comedic genius. More of this, I say!

/Spluffs again
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 12 May 2009, 23:17, Reply)

Fantastic
You win the internet.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 May 2009, 23:21, Reply)

A true work!
*spaffs*
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Tue 12 May 2009, 23:21, Reply)

Is this written from memory?
.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 May 2009, 9:05, Reply)

'Twas recounted
by a friend of a friend of a friend who knew this lad wot knew this lass... ;)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 May 2009, 10:21, Reply)

*shakes head*
I wasn't sure whether to read this or not.
I feel all dirty now ;o)

oh, and *SPAAAANNNNNNNNG*

/EDIT
It appears I'm outnumbered by spluffers. At least I'm not the spluffee this time.....



does not and never has owned a hoodie
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 12 May 2009, 23:18, Reply)