Would some poetry do?
Seeing as the BBC is plugging this poetry thing at the moment, have a crude poem:

Mary had a little pig
She couldn't stop it gruntin'
So she tied it to a 5 bar gate
And kicked its fucking cunt in.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 29 May 2009, 16:04, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I prefer...
Mary had a little lamb,
The midwife had a fit

athangyew
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 May 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Or as Half Man Half Biscuit put it
Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
And everywhere that Mary went
Gynaecologists surrounded.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 29 May 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Mary had a little Lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10,000 watts shot up its bum
And turned its wool to Nylon
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Fri 29 May 2009, 16:20, Reply)

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
now she takes it to school with her
between two lumps of bread
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 May 2009, 16:39, Reply)