PFFT
Have a joke - in the replies.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:28, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's December 7th 1941- the morning of the attack on Pearl Harbour. Commander Mitsuo Fuchida has all the Japanese pilots lined up and is giving them the pep talk before launching the attack.

"Brave soldiers of Japan. We must destroy the American dog's Pacific Fleet. We will fly our planes over their ships. We will drop high-explosive and incendiary bombs. Then we will circle back around and strafe the enemy with our machine guns until we run out of bullets. Then we will circle around one last time, don our Kamikaze headbands, fly up into the sun, and then, with the sun behind us we will swoop down and crash our planes into the remaining American warships and die for the glory of Japan. Are there any questions?"

Little Hirihito down the back raises his hand, and, his voice incredulous, says "Are there any fucking questions!?!"
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Why does George Micheal have brown stains around his mouth?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:30, Reply)

because he was careless with his Wispa

(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:31, Reply)

HAHA!

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:40, Reply)

Chortle
would be an understatement. I laughed freely.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:44, Reply)

The Baroness told me it yesterday,
it's my new favourite joke.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:47, Reply)

My wife thinks the same
I've SMSed it to her and she forwarded it to many people
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:58, Reply)

A striking blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object behind the counter, she asks, “What is that?”

The helpful store clerk responds, “Why, it’s a thermos.”

Still curious, the blonde asks, “What does it do?”

“It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” replies the clerk.

So she buys one….

The next day, she brings her new thermos to work with her.

Her boss, also a blonde, asks, “What’s that shiny thingy?”

She replies with authority, “It’s a thermos.”

“Oh,” says he, “And what’s it do?”

“Well,” says she, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

Then he asks, “So what do you have in there today?”

“Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle.”
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:32, Reply)

LINE




BREAKS
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:34, Reply)

^moaning cunt
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Don't worry
she's just angry because some people think she's a boy.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:38, Reply)

come a line break every line is taking the piss
don't try to defend them.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:39, Reply)

I love linebreaks

I

Love

Line

Breaks
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:42, Reply)

Oh sorry
I thought you were moaning about horses
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:42, Reply)

Look
I once fell over a dog while waiting tables, so I think I know where line breaks are, and are not appropriate.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:42, Reply)

I'm curious.
What's wrong with line breaks?
( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Nothing when they're used sparingly
when they're overused it looks like the person's just trying to make their post longer. Like a kid who uses size 30 font so his homework looks bigger.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:45, Reply)

You caught me out... trying to make my post look longer than it really is. Heh, and here was me thinking I could pull the wool over your eyes love. Obviously not. You're too sharp for me. And a little less starch in my shirts next time too please.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:48, Reply)

I didn't say that's what you were doing,
I said that's what it looks like.

What you did was just copy and paste, which is possibly worse.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:49, Reply)

I did copy and paste... from a post I made in a private forum over 12 months ago. I hope thats ok with you.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:51, Reply)

OBVIOUSLY NOT!!!!!1111!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:52, Reply)

I promise not to copy and paste again

I promise not to copy and paste again

I promise not to copy and paste again

I promise not to copy and paste again

I promise not to copy and paste again
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:54, Reply)

either that or they're an arts graduate
and it was drummed into them at uni

double spacing for essays!

single sided only!

name and student number on every sheet!

FFS.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:49, Reply)

A science graduate
would just change the spacing in Word rather than add a return.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:51, Reply)

Fact.

( Cawl, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:59, Reply)

wtf? How could anyone see any masculine traits in her at all? Fools.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:40, Reply)

A Buddhist goes in a pizza store
and says "Make me one with everything".
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:45, Reply)

.
He hands over a £20 and gets his pizza. He waits a couple of seconds, but the till monkey just stands there and smiles. A little tetchy, the buddhist says "well, where's my change?" Till monkey says, "Change comes from within".
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 11:43, Reply)

How can you tell there are four elephants in your fridge?
There's a Mini parked outside.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:46, Reply)

I really like that one

(Bazongaloid, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:50, Reply)

In a job interview
I was asked. "Tell us your favourite joke".

My mind went blank except for the 'lucky blue coat' joke, and something about dead babies. Fortunately, I remembered that one.

It made no difference, I still didn't get the job. I might as well have bombarded him with YM quips.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 11:02, Reply)

So they were digging up a road by my house yesterday afternoon
Was pissing me off as I was at my work. Turns out they found a FUCKING LAND ROVER. Buried in the road.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Yes
It was a New Discovery...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Heard this at the weekend...
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
( Cawl, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:58, Reply)

...
She choked.
( Cawl, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 10:58, Reply)

That made me
cough a mouthful of toast out. (that isn't a euphamism).

Oddly, the predictive text on my phone didn't recognise Cinderella. The dictionary does contain the word Binderella, which will come in handy.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 11:06, Reply)