Dear Bono
It's one thing that you haven't yet had the common decency to contract a horrible flesh eating virus on your many trips to third world countries, possibly also proving God does not exist, but now you have decided to not only rape my poor audio recepticals but also you are now shoving your hideous smug face in my eyes whilst wailing some lyrics so cheesy I actually feel the need to murder several kittens just to try and restore the balance of the universe.

It was bad enough that you demanded the iconic iPod adverts be changed so people could actually see your spunk guzzling cross eyed flesh bag you call your face, and you still insist on pumping out music more flacid than the pitiful flesh string you call your penis but this new advert must have been more satisfying than rolling around in your vat full of money whilst women wearing Bono masks try and massage some life in to your pathetic spam javelin. Not only do you get to sing what is quite possibly the worst U2 song I have heard since the last release, you also get to gurn your way through 30 seconds of pure Bono Ego Stroking.

I'll go crazy if I don't introduce your face to a very blunt object tonight.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:39, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I whole-heartedly and completely endorse this statement
I fucking hate Bono. He is a symbol of everything that is wrong with the world.

I am quite serious when I state that Bono is worse than Hitler.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:42, Reply)

I like this
I'll provide your alibi if Bono were to meet with an unfortunate brick.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:42, Reply)

His eco-warrior credentials are down the shitter too...
...it's been calculated that the total CO2 emissions from his band's world tour amounted to some 16,000 tons, or roughly the same as the estimated CO2 emitted from a mission to Mars.

*will check citation on that one*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:44, Reply)

Didn't he also
once buy a seperate plane seat for his hat?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:46, Reply)

To be honest, that doesn't make much of a differance.
The flight would have gone ahead eaither way, as would the next flight (should the plane have been full and that hat replaced a person).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

It was less CO2
And more the fact what kind of cunt buys a seat for his hat
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:59, Reply)

great statement
*salutes*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:00, Reply)

Was it a nice hat?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:16, Reply)

No it was the hat
he wears all the time unless he's on a plane.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:17, Reply)

i hope it was a pirate one. or one of those with the flashing light on the top.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:18, Reply)

Rant of the week right there.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:46, Reply)

Not only that....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDFkRMNeZo4 - iPod Coldplay advert.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtzYMNg1eUs - U2 loves Blackberry advert.

A little bit too similar for my liking.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:48, Reply)

The Blackberry one
really should come with a

*****DANGER this video contains extremely high levels of smug cuntishness***
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:49, Reply)

But he's going to save our children's children from polution !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

I'd rather die in a cloud of choking smog than listen to a U2 album

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

I'd rather die
from our children's children beating me to death with their deformed club arms caused from the pollution than listen to U2
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

this unprecedented level of agreement between us is troubling me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

In all fairness
the subject we are agreeing about is Bono being a cunt. I think we can let it slide as a given
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:08, Reply)

They've got a few good songs, opinionlols.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:15, Reply)

How much fucking pollution does a couple of chartered 747s flying around the world fart out?
He's in the Tony Blair school of complete and utter hypocrisy and twattishness.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:07, Reply)

This is beautiful.
I just took a call from someone saying that their son, who works for us, has had a car crash.
I was reading this at the same time, and laughing.
Whoops...
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:48, Reply)

nice
although you probably would've been laughing even if you hadn't been reading this
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:49, Reply)

Not likely.
The guy's pretty nice, and he's broken his neck.
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:50, Reply)

ouch
shame it didn't happen to a cunt. like Bono.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Yeah.
Apparently it's "not too bad" though, which is a relief, I don't want any more of my minions dying.
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

At least the coroner's report wouldn't be another
"extreme blood loss and two small puncture wounds to the neck"
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

The word you're looking for is
"Exsanguination".
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:08, Reply)

not as much fun as defenestration

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:12, Reply)

If the neck is broken badly
Does it restrict the potential for draining the blood with your fangs then?

Edit - beaten to the punch...
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:59, Reply)

That was careless of him
How was the cinema last night?
( Captain V, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

Very good.
I'd forgotten it was "Cheap Tuesday".
So tickets were £3.95, then we got pizza (some Tuesday deal) on buy one get one free.
Film was actually really funny.
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

what did you see?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:07, Reply)

The Hangover.
I was expecting a pile of crap that annoyed me.
Ended up laughing a lot.
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:09, Reply)

I shall have to make the effort to see it
Although I suspect the only chance I'd have to do so anytime soon would be this weekend and there are better things to do in London.
( Captain V, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:10, Reply)

Like seeing me on Friday?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:12, Reply)

:(

( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:13, Reply)

I meant on Saturday or Sunday
Seeing you, and more importantly...everybody else, on Friday was a given.
( Captain V, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:17, Reply)

was toying with the idea of going tonight
if someone cough kaol cough wants to text me an orange wednesday code ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Haha,
I don't mind doing that!
I'll do it on my break in ten minutes.
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:12, Reply)

you are a gentleman and a scholar
let me know if I can help you out somehow
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:16, Reply)

I loved The Hangover.
I was expecting Road Trip, but was really surprised at how good it was.
I miss Alan :-(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:35, Reply)

I like bono,

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:56, Reply)

That's because you're also
A smug prick.
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:56, Reply)

U2's latest single was quite good I thought,

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:57, Reply)

I'm still waiting for the punchline.

( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

The punchline is that bono, as much as you hate him
is better known, more successful and more popular than you ever will be in your life.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:02, Reply)

I don't hate him.
He just annoys me.
You're right though, but it doesn't bother me.
( Cawl, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

I dunno
I think between a few of us here we hate him so so much that it greatly negates the effect of the people who like him, thus rendering him less popular than Kaol.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

Yes 10ish people on the internet can change the world.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:13, Reply)

You should stop thinking.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:59, Reply)

U2 haven't released a song that was even passable for 20 years
they are without question the most over-rated band ever.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:00, Reply)

Why wont he just do the honourable thing
And cunt the fuck off!

I think it'd be worse if he got a horrible disease though, his smug, slowly decaying face would be all over the place.
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 9:57, Reply)

That's what they said about our angel Jade
Now look at her.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:00, Reply)

She's our Queen of hearts

(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

ego bone stroking?
not done any of that in a while
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:07, Reply)

It has been said that his ego was missing, presumed burst, due to over-inflation.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Bono makes me bilious
I mean really, I feel uneasy and my gills go juicy.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:20, Reply)

What annoys me most about Bono
is that I think The Joshua Tree is a fantastic album, and I think Achtung Baby is even better. And Zooropa, that was the first U2 album I owned and it has a special place in my heart. I even didn't think Pop was too bad.

So why the fuck hasn't one of the other members of the band turned round to him at some point and said "You know what Bono, to be sure, to be sure, these tunes we're releasing at the moment, to be sure, to be sure, they are fucking shit compared to the stuff we put out 15 years ago. And your lyrics, they were never the greatest in the world, but they scanned nicely and they weren't excessively pretentious, but FOR FUCKS SAKE A MOLE DIGGING IN A CUNTING HOLE DIGGIN UP YOUR STUPID CUNTING SOUL WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT YOU GORMLESS CUNTING TWAT, to be sure, to be sure."

I used to really, really like U2. But now I feel bad listening to their early stuff even though I still like it because he's spoilt it for me. Why can't they take a leaf out of Metallicas book. Admit they are stupid egocentric tossers and go back to basics and try and make a really, really great album.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:20, Reply)

where's their incentive when people are still buying their albums?

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:24, Reply)

^^ this (almost completely)
But I think their last decent album was Achtung Baby and the best may have been War.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:25, Reply)

The question is
who pissed on the Joshua Tree more liberally? Was it U2 themselves or the Pet Shop Boys' cover of 'Where the streets have no names'?
( monkeybananaraffle, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 10:31, Reply)

Bloody Hell (to be sure)....
... I finally agree with something Al has posted.

I like U2. I like their music and the shows they put on. Going to a U2 concert is entertaining, unlike some gigs I've been to where the 'artiste' is miming or using a cliptrack and generally gives sweet feck all about their performance, because they're getting paid $$$ and have a pile of coke in their dressing room, all provided by the promoters.

Having said that, sometimes Bono should shut the feck up and remember why he's famous, rather than listing all the 'world leaders' he's friends with. It's all about the music - some people give money to charity and keep quiet about it - you'd be higher in everyone's estimation if you did the same. Some of us remember when your name was Paul and you lived up the road from us, and used to buy your dinner from the chippie across the street!
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 11:18, Reply)