I have to confess to being rather impressed with Mr Bin right now.
So we had not long finished our dinner when there was a knock at the door.
It was a salesman from Sky.

Sky Man: Hello, who do you get your TV and 'phone through?
Mr Bin: Virgin, and I'm sorry but you can't better what we get.
SM: Oh we can.
MB: No you can't. We get 20mg and you don't do 20mg.
SM: Well that's the reason, we're starting to provide 20mg.
MB: Not down copper you're not.
SM: Well I doubt your getting 20mg from Virgin.
MB: Well near enough, I get 18.5 because it's down fibre optic and the exchange is at the end of the street.
SM: Well you can get 15mg down copper.
MB: Yes but that's not 20mg is it.
SM: No. Bye then


Ha Sky Man.

How have you told people who knock at your door to fuck off.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 20:42, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Didn't need to, the pentagram carved into the doorframe at the door of the student house I was living in did the job with most Jehovah's witnesses

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 20:48, Reply)

We did something similar but got very different results
My flatmate told the JW's that we were satanists so they came back nearly everyday to "save our souls"
( Peej, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 12:15, Reply)

say "I don't speak English"
then I shake my head whenever they try to say or explain something
the latest group have been young guys trying to sell magazine subscriptions and flirting shamelessly in order to win a trip to Hawaii or Paris or somewhere else, even if we don't get a magazine we can still donate a dollar or two to help, etc etc
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 20:50, Reply)

^ this
is what I'm going to do next time. Very excellent. I can speak in a rather confusing gibberish which sounds a lot like an east European language.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)

My father in law
resents having God sold to him by the By-Joves like it was double glazing. His usual response when they come a knocking is "No. Got plenty God today, thank you", before shutting the door.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 21:11, Reply)

I just open the door
And laugh and laugh. And keep on laughing. Laughing for ages. Then tilt my head and let a little bit of drool come out. Then wonder why I opened the door because no one rang the bell or knocked.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 21:30, Reply)

I really like that one
That did nearly make me smirk beer up my nose.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 21:34, Reply)

"Hello, this is James, calling from Kitchens Direct"
"Erm...I've already got a kitchen, thanks."
"Oh. Um...ok"
"Good bye."
"Good bye."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 21:32, Reply)

no one comes to our door
and that's just fine by me
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 21:33, Reply)

I did get a call once from a conservatory salesman
Normally I'd give a terse "no thank you", but I decided to wind him up a bit. I listened, "oohing" and "ahhing" in all the right places as he sold me the guff on how beneficial a conservatory would be and the thousands it would add to the property.

"So can we make a housecall, then?"

"Well you could, but ultimately you'd be wasting your time as I don't think my property is right for a conservatory".

Thus ensued a longish conversation on how they could install a conservatory on any property and at least let them make a consultation. Oh alright then. Go on.

"What's the address?"

"It's flat 2, first floor..."

*click*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 21:48, Reply)

A prominet erection

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)

I keep a copy of the God Delusion on my coffee table so I looks cleverer.
I have offered it to three religious callers. None opted take my explanatory pamphlet. The hypocrites.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 23:29, Reply)

*ring ring*
About 8 O'clock in the evening
Phone monkey calls.
Rough transcript follows:

"Hello?"
"Are you interested in a cheaper mortgage?"
"Of course I am but I'm tied into a fixed rate."
"Oh"
"How about Life insurance?"
"Got it with the mortgage thanks."
"What about a personal accident scheme?"
"No thanks, waste of money when you read the small print"
"Who provides your gas and electricity?"
"Planet Earth"
"EH?"
"Yeah, I believed gas is drilled for from deep underground caverns, and the electricity is generated using various methods. Some people have theorised that there is only a set amount of electricity available within our atmosphere, no more no less. It's not created as such, it's harnessed, you're not actually making more but channelling what is already there...." *click*
"Hello? hello? Oh, he's hung up on me"
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 7:28, Reply)

Hi, how much do you spend a month on your mobile
me - About £2

Would you be interested in a free phone?
me - I suppose I would have to sign up to a contract

Well yes but...
me - Do you have any contracts cheaper than £2?

No
me - Bye then

I see your point, bye.
( Peej, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 12:17, Reply)