Today i celebrated my 40th birthday by purchasing a flat-pack kitchen. It doesn't get any better than this...
and now i'm home sweet home...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:13, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This one time I had a landmark birthday and did something mundane IRL
and then I told the internet.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:16, Reply)

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Oh shit, I just posted in a HSH thread. *runs before it gets me*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:18, Reply)

HAHAHAHA
you HSH lover.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:19, Reply)

Oh but I love it so dearly
I want to clasp HSH and its inhabitants to my bosom and hug it and love it and squeeze it AND CALL IT GEORGE
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:21, Reply)

You want to clasp it to your fetid clunge
and frig yourself silly.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:22, Reply)

Oh can I?
Can I please please please?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:24, Reply)

No
i've changed my mind. You'll have to trawl the docks for some cheap cock instead.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:26, Reply)

*leaves the docks*

(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:27, Reply)

Woohoo
cheap cock is the best kind there is.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:31, Reply)

LOLZMGNOWAI!
I did that too. Only I posted a shit picture as well to draw the internet's attention to how mundane my life was.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:19, Reply)

Oh no then you are surely fail

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:20, Reply)

I saw you! In HSH!
I'm going to hug you and forcefeed you cakes. Then put kittens down your bra.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:23, Reply)

Then I shall have to say fuck off and mean it

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:24, Reply)

Too late.
Here, have a cushion. And a porcelain pig.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:26, Reply)

evening roota m'dear...
how're you this fine evening?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:24, Reply)

I'm great luv.
I got a food processor and a sewing machine for my 30th. I have to wait more than 8 years for my kitchen?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:28, Reply)

i could fair do with a sewing machine...
perhaps if i kid my family on next year i can fool them into buying me one?
yeah, getting a new kitchen is a mighty splendid thing. looking forward to the installation.
think i'm gonna get pissed this evening, got some westons vintage cider in the fridge...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:33, Reply)

I'm going to try not to drink this evening.
I've had enough the weekend.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:44, Reply)

you were gonna buy me beer tonight...
or maybe you "forgot" about that?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:45, Reply)

Oh, me purse is in the *cough*
And the erm, oh look, there's Richard Stilgoe... *runs*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:51, Reply)

next time i'm 40 your purse had better watch out...
that's all i'm willing to say on the matter.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:55, Reply)

Here, here's a bottle of Mann's brown ale.
Don't say I never get you owt
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:57, Reply)

Mann's Brown?
classy chick!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:59, Reply)

That's Duchess to you

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:07, Reply)

righty-ho...
Duchess...

mmmmmmmmm, Duchess, mmmmmmmmmmm....

it's got a sordid sort of sound to it, the way i'm saying it...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:09, Reply)

Scouse harpy.
So a lot of my mates call me Duchess.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:13, Reply)

The puppies she keeps there already
would eat them for lunch.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:24, Reply)

I call them booboo and shitface
they're my friends
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:32, Reply)

Booboo is my favourite.
Shitface tastes of stale tobacco. But Booboo tastes of custard.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:33, Reply)

You've tasted my puppies?
No wonder they were snappy
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:37, Reply)

Puppies don't eat kittens!
They eat chips and cheese. They drink lager, bourbon and white wine.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:32, Reply)

bullshit
They eat condoms, tampons, film cases, plastic forks, toy trucks, bits of string, g strings and glitter.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:39, Reply)

Shush.
You're not supposed to tell anyone about that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:43, Reply)

Then what would be the point in running puppy classes?
Certainly not to tell owners that their ickle wickle ball of fluff will eat their whole fucking house by the time they come home and then need a trip to the big scary vets because they weren't smart enough to buy a puppy crate. Surely not!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:45, Reply)

Can you warn me if you're going to say 'vet'.
The cat just sensed me reading it and bit my hip.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:49, Reply)

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
No
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:49, Reply)

Twice in two days he's bit my hip/waist.
He's evil. Like you.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:58, Reply)

You must have annoyed him

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:00, Reply)

No. He just knows I crave his love and affection
so he toys with me and abuses his power
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:05, Reply)

smart cat ,)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:09, Reply)

Sykes
to my Nancy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:18, Reply)

OMGZORZ!
And then, and then, I went to burger king. And then I wobbled at people ONLINE ON THE INTERNET.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:26, Reply)

Did you get upset
because they wanted to have sex with your cousins children?
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:27, Reply)

I got upset
for I have large firm breasts and no cunt pandered to me over and over again even though I'm a 17 year old girl and they are all fat old men. I mean, really.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:29, Reply)

Do you like to get them out in public
whenever you feel overwhelmed/drunk and 17?
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:30, Reply)

May I watch if you do?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:33, Reply)

Only i you don't mind me slowly massaging
sun tan cream into my massive firm 17 year old breast
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:35, Reply)

I don't like massive ones, they scare me
I like pert small ones
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:38, Reply)

I like DD but with a small back.
Like Katy Perry and Kelly Brook.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:41, Reply)

Who asked you?
Really?
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:42, Reply)

It's funny
because they like fat old men with beer guts and halitosis. I read it in FHM. I, a 17 year old girl with firm breasts and dance qualifications, am the same.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:56, Reply)

POIDH
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:35, Reply)

LAYDEEZ AND GENTLEMEN!
We have a winner of today's PSYCHOCHOMPS DAILY PANDERING AWARD please give them a big hand.

So they can wank themselves off.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:36, Reply)

slow

















































































clap
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:38, Reply)

Send me a gaz, big boy, and I may oblige you...

(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:39, Reply)

It has to be a picture of cock though.
Preferably flacid.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:41, Reply)

With one bollock missing
authenticity's a bummer
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:42, Reply)

I prefer 'em flacid.
It's like playing with dead birds.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:51, Reply)

Bird felcher

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:00, Reply)

Happy birthday chief!
Fine ol' collection of social ineptitude to wade through this evening, eh?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:40, Reply)

certainly is dude! how art though this evening?
i'm a bit pooped after all my excitement today. i just can't take the pace like i used to...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:42, Reply)

Tickety boo
A little dismayed at the prospect of buying a new back box for the Vitara tomorrow.

Not as exciting as a kitchen. I might buy a new kitchen tomorrow too in an act of flatpack solidarity, and BECAUSE I CAN!
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:51, Reply)

flatpack solidarity! LOL
yeah, do it. do it now! well, tomorrow.
as for the back-box...how about an old oxo tin stuffed with old socks?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:53, Reply)

Frowned upon by West Yorkshire Constabulary, I'm afraid.
It'll have to be a real one. From Kwikfit. If that's not an oxymoron.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:58, Reply)

spending actual cash money?
fucksocks, it must be serious.
but a vitara? aren't they a bit, ahem, kinda, y'know, gay?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:01, Reply)

Used primarily for dog transportation
Not my main car.

I've taken the back seats out so to all intents and purposes it's a 4WD van.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:07, Reply)

what colour is it...
before i decide on the gayness.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:07, Reply)

Solid dark red
None of these poncey metallic lower panels.

And it does get used properly - ie. off road - on a regular basis when we take 'em drag hunting.

They got the rotting corpse of Danny La Roue the other week...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:12, Reply)

BRING OUT THE ROTUND DWARF
I'm sure she's reading this. Come out, come out, wherever you are
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:43, Reply)

Alright, big bollocks?

(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:50, Reply)

alright blaireau69
happy birthday
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:45, Reply)

hey there K!
cheers sweety x
i feel different already...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:46, Reply)

you need a hearty wank

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:48, Reply)

got birthday sex last night and again this morning...
and i reckon that it might be on the cards again tonight.
but yeah, maybe i'll try and crack one off before then...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:50, Reply)

LOL
I done sex on a girl once. I HAD SEX, SEE. SEX. WITH A LADY. OFFLINE. ON MY BIRTHDAY.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:52, Reply)

don't need candles or cake, just need yo body to make good birthday sex birthday sex
OOOOOOOooooooohhhhhh OOOOOOOOOOoOoOoOoOoOhhhhhh
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:56, Reply)

is that from a song called "birthday sex" by any chance?
sounds catchy...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:02, Reply)

yea, by Jeremih
it's HOTT
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:15, Reply)

I read
that as 'flat pack kitten' and was a little disturbed
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:46, Reply)

a flat-pack kitten could be messy...
and i could never condone such behaviour.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:49, Reply)

Comes with
free wipe-cloth
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 21:03, Reply)