Went to the sex doctors last night with my girlfriend
We're trying for a baby and what with her having some lady-related medical history its proving a little harder than these things normally should be. The doctor made a suggestion, and I kid you not.

He suggested my girlfriend needs to drink more of my spunk.

Not sure on the medical value of this, something to do with antibodies - if I put more of my junk in one orifice its more likely to work in the other. Weird. Is this medically-speaking correct, or is my doctor a big perv?

Also, if you could star in a remake of any Hollywood movie what would it be and why?
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:32, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Back to the Future,
that would be awesome, I'd make the third one less shit though.

Doctors don't tend to give advice based on their own peversions.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:37, Reply)

shows what you know

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Did you slip your doctor
a few quid to get him to say this?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:37, Reply)

I thought I was hearing things...
but he definately suggested this would be the best way to proceed - ok, he may have just said it was something we could try and it might help, but I'm now holding onto this bastard with both hands.

Who'd have thought - blowjobs for medicinal reasons. Fucking EXCELLENT!!!
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:41, Reply)

this bastardmy penis
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:35, Reply)

I've heard of this actually
there is some real science behind it - it's something along the lines of 'immunising' her against your invading semen, so that when it invades a different orofice, her antibodies don't chase it off quite so quickly.

oh, and I've also heard that it's a good way to get the baby out towards the end of the pregnancy. admittedly, mr vitamin c is the one who has told me this. more than once. often just after I've said 'I WANT THIS BABY OUT OF ME NOW!'.
( ascorbate, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:42, Reply)

it's reasonably well known
that and curry. some stand-up recently said that it must have been a bloke who came up with the idea.

To bring about labour, have sex and eat curry
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:43, Reply)

i know
but he does mention it an awful lot :-)
have been mainlining curry and pineapple for a few days now, and all it's done is upset my gut - baby seems totally underwhelmed. may have to resort to other tactics soon.
( ascorbate, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

I hear
that rasberry leaf tea is helpful. Not sure how helpful, but any port in a storm, eh.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Raspberry Leaf extract
is better - worked for us anyway. That and a G&T for the missus and lo and behold a 4am breaking of the waters, follwed by a mere 5 hour labour! HUZZAH Gin and curry!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:05, Reply)

Is raspberry leaf tea the one that makes your period finish faster as well?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:08, Reply)

it's supposed to be
but it just makes me chuck, sadly - the smell is so repulsive.

and whoever said about periods - it's supposed to 'tone' the uterus, so may help with periods too - not sure :)
( ascorbate, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:14, Reply)

If anyone else has said this then I would have believed them but.....
Coming from you I'm having trouble thinking it's just a joke.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:42, Reply)

Ordinarily I'd agree...
... I thought I was hearing things. I really did. I thought I'd infected the doc with my weird spunk perversion, a bit like passing on the cold. Scared the bejesus out of me, truth told.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:44, Reply)

Does this mean...
that the more spunk someone swallows, the more likely she is to get pregnant?
And if she had a phobia of getting pregnant she should not swallow any spunk?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I'm more worried that I'll be more liable
to get pregnant.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:51, Reply)

You're not helping me!
And it's not the kind of thing I want to put into Google at work.
Good luck making little hankies though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Thanks
Its a catalogue of errors the care my girlfriend's had at the hands of so-called doctors and surgeons over the years. Most of her problems are caused by poor previous surgeries. But she's been given the ok now, so its just a question of putting some of my bollock broth to good use. Shame, really - I do love wanking so very, very, very much...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:58, Reply)

I like your turn of phrase.
I wish you even better luck now. You should procreate.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Oh fuck,
I see subject fodder for future QOTW's..........

Seriously though, Spanky, wishing you and your missus well and hope it works out.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:52, Reply)

Cheers,
Very kind of you to say. We'll get there in the end, and if not we'll adopt - or get a dog.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 13:56, Reply)

I can't see any reason why it should work,
and I can't find anything on the subject on PubMed or Google. Being a GP doesn't rule you out from having strange ideas, sadly.

Mind you, I can't see how it would do any harm either.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:00, Reply)

hmmm.....I doubt he's a perv, either way it sounds like a good way to get more head
does she not swallow?
Next time hold her nose until she swallows.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:03, Reply)

and I'd be in a remake of Desperately Seeking Susan as it's my favorite 80's movie
*gets into the groove*
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Not being smug or anything...
but its taken me an awfully long time and an awful lot of fails to find the right woman. And she is without doubt the hottest, sexiest woman I have ever encountered in my life. I usually get head everyday anyway (god's honest truth), so the advice was a bit redundant... I just wondered if anyone knew if there was any medical-bollocks behind this theory, or if my doctor was secretly wanking under his desk while he was telling us.

EDIT: And I'd be the Alien out of Alien. But only when it's a wee nipper. I've always had this weird compulsion to be inside John Hurt.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:06, Reply)

*picard ascii*

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:12, Reply)

You lucky bastard
Oh, and good luck with the whole impregnation thing _{you lucky bastard}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:36, Reply)

Cheers...
who'd have actually thought there was a practical application for manjuice? You learn something new everyday.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:38, Reply)

A practical application for manjuice?
At the risk of getting too technical, I thought the whole getting-the-members-of-the-species-with-tits-pregnant was the practical application of manjuice?

Well, depends where you apply it, I guess...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:41, Reply)

I've confused myself...
all this talk of spunk has overloaded my brain. Just one question - my mate Ben's got tits - does this mean he can get pregnant?
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:43, Reply)

According to Women's Hour
men can lactate given enough hormones and massages of their bitch-tits.

So presumably if you shove some pipe cleaners and a plastic bag up some part of him to serve as a rudimentary uterus, you might be able to get something to grow inside of him...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:46, Reply)

I can beleive this...
Not that you listen to Womens Hour - that's a given. But the whole lactating men thing. Used to know a girl who had a cock and could ejaculate. Did it many times up my brownstar infact....

....

Thinking about it, that could've just been a bloke in a dress...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:54, Reply)

Re: Women's Hour
Of course, I have to indulge my inner menopausal lesbian.

On that note, my CCTV recordsintuition would suggest that the girl with the cock spluffing her wad up your tender anus was Libby Purves.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:00, Reply)