You know when you think you know someone...
It turns out that back in 2001, a mate from years ago, we shall call Bob, skipped bail and left the country taking his wife Sandra and 3yo child with him. The dopey cunt ran out of money and came back about a week later. He got picked up and ended up behind bars and his wife divorced him, her dad overjoyed as apparently he'd been sitting on her £80k inheritence until the divorce came through.

Anyway, a mate of mine, we shall call Mick and his wife Gloria have a daughter who will be going on a school trip and needed a passport. The passport office said her passport has expired.
"But she's never had one"
"According to this she has."

So Mick had to take a day off work and go all the way to Durham and after presenting a whole skipful of ID, the passport people showed the photos that were taken on the application.

Yup, Sandra and child had applied for passports as Gloria and daughter. They had gone all the way to Liverpool with birth certificates and stuff and managed to get the passports. How fucking shit is that? So the police got involved but they won't really tell Mick & Gloria anything as they aren't the victims but the passport office is.

Me, Mick and Bob had all been mates since college, but Bob is currently working abroad but will be back in a few months so the chances are he'll be picked up at the airport. It's pretty much inconceivable that he didn't notice that his wife Sandra was travelling under a different name.

It's a most heinous thing to do to a close mate. Mick and I are both contacting the passport office to find out whose name Bob got his passport in.

So, anyone else had an old friend do something so awful to you or another close friend?

Or alternatively, I have some pork chops in the fridge and also some salmon, which should I have for tea?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:53, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm having a big old plate of
I don't understand your stupid story when you use fucking letters for names. Use names, it's not hard, they don't have to be the real names, but it's not like anyone reading this who is actually involved is going to be fooled by the cunning use of letters instead of names.

Unless of course they are as stupid as your child.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:57, Reply)

True
but the last sentence was a tad harsh.

And have the pork WITH salmon!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:04, Reply)

To be fair
he's not been here long.

Hmm, pork and salmon you say? It does sound like a euphamism though.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:10, Reply)

Yup,
Be brave - do it, do it for us all!!!

Fishy pork yummyness.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:16, Reply)

Bit of an edit
There, is that easier to follow now I've simplified it? Actually, I'll dumb it down further, just to save you time.

Man Discovers Mate Stole His ID to Flee Jail
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:09, Reply)

hee hee
He did have a point, and it is alot easier to read now :0)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:11, Reply)

It is confusing because you say Bob is behind bars
in the first part of the story, then you say he is working overseas in the second part of the story. Also, in the first part of the story it sounds like his wife was more of a victim but she seems much worse in the second part?

Give the salmon to the cats.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 19:37, Reply)

Bob was behind bars,
but not for long. Technically, Bob's wife did the ID theft etc, but it was Bob that would've orchestrated it all.

I made a red Thai curry with the salmon.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 23:38, Reply)

I'm gonna let you into a little secret.
If a point of some kind is not made within 5 paragraphs, I rarely finish reading it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:05, Reply)

pfft
See what you made me do
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:22, Reply)

I like that
It made me chuckle
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:23, Reply)

His armband
makes him look like he has a can of silly string.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:35, Reply)