Continuing the I hate theme. I hate Vipros
He got me slapped. I gave my wife £20 towards some boots she wants and she said "Oh you're so sweet I should buy you flowers" quick as a flash I said "Blowjobs are like flowers for men" She belted me one and didn't give me flowers or a blowjob.

You owe me one blowjob Vipros!

Why do you hate Vipros?
( Peej, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:43, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

hahahahaha
no really, I feel your pain. I've yet to use that line with my gf.

I'm not giving you a blowjob though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:48, Reply)

I've yet to use that line with my gf.

The former should be so much more frequent than the latter that I don't recommend any man using the line unless they want to spend their entire pay packet down the florist.
( djtrialprice, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:49, Reply)

this is a very valid point
I knew there was a good reason why I haven't used it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:50, Reply)

I only used it cos I had just read your sig
Which makes it your fault so you should at least get the slap!
( Peej, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:54, Reply)

I got it from someone else on here though
and if I could remember who it was I'd tell you so you could try and pin the blame on them
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:56, Reply)

Too late!
You already made it to my "People to kill" list
( Peej, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:57, Reply)

a friend of mine used to carry around a bit of paper
and if someone pissed him off he'd get it out and write down their name while shouting, "That's it, you're going on the death list."

He wasn't violent or anything, he just liked to freak people out. Proper nutter.
( djtrialprice, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:01, Reply)

It was Kaol.
AICMFP
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:03, Reply)

let's see
He wasn't violent or anything, check
he just liked to freak people out. check
Proper nutter. three for three
( djtrialprice, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:04, Reply)

BTW
at what point do you say your sig out loud? Is it at the chat-up stage, or when you've actually enticed her into bed?
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:07, Reply)

It's a line from a hidden
Alice in Chains track on their Sap EP.

I think it's called Love Song funnily enough.
( djtrialprice, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:14, Reply)

Well, apparently he's insufferably smug
Much like another b3tan I once knew by the name of gizmp.mp3. In fact, he gave his name to a smugness measurement scale.

But, once again, fuck vipros. I've had said that tooth out now and half of my gob is numb. I can't smoke at all, because I can't get a decent seal around the cigarette. Braaaaaaaargh!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:50, Reply)

Try a Walrus.
Much better.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:53, Reply)

How about an eggman?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:55, Reply)

Smoke through your nose.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 16:59, Reply)

Listen up here, Jim Bob.
You're talkin' to people on here, not writting a story. I type the way I do, because that's the way I speak.

Your writting style really annoyes me for some reason, I keep on thinking "HURRY UP AND GET TO THE POINT".

Does anyone else feel this way?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:15, Reply)

Don't throw stones when you live in a glass house.
You can bloody waffle for Britain Gonz.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:18, Reply)

Gonz - WAFFLES!
You're coming to my neck of the woods for them.
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:25, Reply)

ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodOH GOD
I was just thinking the other day that I fancy some.

I'm on a health thing at the moment, starting today, but I reckon I could make that a treat next week, HAWT D8? They do waffles at that milkshake place, that look well tasty.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:26, Reply)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES.
HAVE TO RUN NOW, BUT LET'S MAKE A DATE FO SHO.
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:27, Reply)

I'll re-write what you said in my style, and let's see what people preffer (btw, this is definatly the saddest I've ever done).
He's a smug cunt.
There was that gizmp.mp3 bloke too from years ago, he was a .... [no, wait, I wouldn't bring up something that nobody here knows about.]

Fuck 'im, I've just had that tooth pulled out, and I can't light up 'cus my mouth is numb.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:25, Reply)

Vipros is a Northerner.

( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:02, Reply)

now that's a fucking low blow
and I would've thought better of you than that.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:08, Reply)

He's right though
fackin norfan maaaaankey
( Peej, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:10, Reply)

He?
How dare you?
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:12, Reply)

oh dear
you made a fatal mistake there. As everyone should know, Clendrix is a fine example of womanhood, and you've just lumped her in with the knob-wielders
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:12, Reply)

I am not amused.

( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:13, Reply)

you should smack his bitch ass raw

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:20, Reply)

He's run away.
He'll keep.
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:21, Reply)

I dunno
he smells a bit ripe already
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:23, Reply)

I'm back now and stupidly know that Clendrix is of the female variety
I just had Vipros being a man implanted so deeply that I made the fateful error. However I have a really long tongue and am willing to make reparations.
( Peej, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 19:06, Reply)

Nowt wrong with northerners
We can withstand extreme cold dressed only in undercrackers and a t-shirt. Or two bits of dental floss if you're a lass.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:10, Reply)

+ and go to Bubbles.

( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:12, Reply)

Oh yeah baby.
Has to be seen to be believed really. And the outside bogs are a treat for the uninitiated.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:15, Reply)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm......
Fond mammories of Clendrix's pillows :)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:19, Reply)

I liked it when you slept on my pillows.
slept drunkenly passed out on
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:21, Reply)

Highlight of the night!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:22, Reply)

We're fucking lovely
With added pies.

By guys, I'm offski.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:15, Reply)

It's cause we're "well insulated"
well I am anyway
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 18:05, Reply)

Would you? Really?
Damnation! I'm not trying hard enough :(
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:11, Reply)

that's just taking it too far

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:12, Reply)

But the only people south of us are on the Scilies.
And let's face it, they're barely people...
( thealternativefact, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:14, Reply)

this is true
I heard they were at least 1/3 lobster
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:17, Reply)

I hate Vipros because.....
he has moderate success with his musical projects whilst mine seem to go tits up before 1st rehearsal and eventually come to nothing (although all is not lost!).
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:11, Reply)

I hate Vipros because
what's not to hate?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:12, Reply)

Jealousy does not become any of you
seriously though, I was feeling a bit low earlier, and this has cheered me right up. Thanks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:18, Reply)

Would you like some flowers with that?

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:20, Reply)

Where's my tea, woman?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:21, Reply)

IN THE DOG

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:22, Reply)

Right, that's it!
I'm coming home THIS INSTANT to instil some respect and domesticity into you!

Do you need any fags btw?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:24, Reply)

Yeah, you and who's army?
No thanks
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 29 Sep 2009, 17:32, Reply)