im a weegie too
it amuses me the amount of people who think the locals call it 'Glasgae' every wee ned calls the place Glezga (then stabs you)

the Glasgow Smile is still popular with neds - two stanley blades with a matchstick jammed between leaves a nasty injury that is very hard to stitch and leaves a horrible scar. a lot of stabbings are done with screwdrivers - not an offensive weapon and can also be used as a handy 'key' for car ignitions. sawn-off golf club handles (known as a stakey) are also popular in gang fights, they are hollow so gouge out a 'plug' of tissue - again hard to treat and leave a nasty scar. samurais and machetes are still regarded as a timeless classic.

however this is all a bit old hat - the discerning drug enforcer now prefers the 'pop your eye out with a teaspoon' method for bad drug debts. kind of a statement injury and hard to charge someone for being in possession of an offensive tea set.

the scots have alwasy been great innovators and despite all this Glasgow is still a better night out than Edinburgh by a long shot
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 18:22, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

offensive cutlery
"pop your eye out with a teaspoon" has had me pissing myself for a good 10 minutes. The pure horror of it, yet the dainty weapon used just cracks me up. When you start jotting all this Glasgow violence malarkay into a few paragraphs it really has got a comedy element to it..maybe it's because it is so horrible and so real that laughter is the only means of defence.

Yes it is a violent place, but not any more so than most major cities. The vast majority of the violence is committed by neds, on neds, bypassing the general public. This is not always the case unfortunately.

But you are right about it being a million times better than Edinbro, edgy once your outside your club/pub of choice, but definitely better. Nipping out of the Subbie a few months back for a smoke we were thrust into the human zoo that is Jamaica St at 2am on a Friday night, no violence, but you felt that it was lurking, ready to pummel the weak and gouge out the eyeball of the fainthearted. We stuck right by the door and headed back in asap.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:16, Reply)

They're a creative folk
when it comes to being mental.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 21:14, Reply)

natural comedians though
you'll be laughing all through the transfusion
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 2:40, Reply)