I wonder why?
Glasgow has the unfortunate moniker of being the 'stabbing capital of Europe'. OK, some might say it isn't as bad as the shooting capital, but nonetheless, a pretty horrific accolade.

Personally i haven't been stabbed myself, but my brother-in-law was, he survived despite dying 3 times on the operating table and was only saved by the kindness of a passing driver stopping to take him to hospital.

My point is this, if Glasgow City Council was keen to rid this this badge of horror from the city, then why don't they clamp down on the dodgy shops that sell a terrifying range of weapons, all of which can be browsed comfortably, as they are on display in the shop window. I am talking specifically about a shop called Victor Morris in Glasgow city centre. The sell all manner of 'stuff' from electric guitars and binoculars to crossbows and machete's.

I was in one time, buying some fluid for my smoke machine when in walked 2 textbook neds. What did they want, they wanted 'the big machete in the winday mate'. yes, that's right, they must have been going to Peru for a yomp through a rainforest or something similar....they certainly did not want it to terrify or maim. No way. So what were the security precautions in place to STOP dangerous people buying dangerous items...none. The guy behind the counter merely asked them their name and address, they didn't need to prove anything, and that was it, off they went with a 16" machete. I was absolutely horrified.

Why don't the police shut them down, why don't the council refuse them a license, why don't the just stop selling this stuff out of public safety. it truly boggles my mind. There are a couple of pics in the replies of their chilling 'wares'
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 17:11, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

how much is that crossbow, in the window?





Easy to browse, easy to buy, even easier to use
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 17:12, Reply)

That's an amazingly dangerous weapon
A red cloth could easily fly about and cover people making them think they've been sucked into a mystery cave of some sorts, and then die a shitty death under said cloth. I'm glad those knives are there to weight it down.

RED CLOTH. DON'T HOLD IT FOR A FRIEND.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 17:17, Reply)

'a mystery cave of some sorts'
if i ever change my user name it will be to this
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 2:38, Reply)

AWESOME!!!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 17:59, Reply)

That is pretty shocking
You obviously feel very strongly about it- and no wonder given that it's affected your family directly. Why don't you try writing to the Police/Council/your MP/relevant charities that might be interested. If you get nowhere with that try the local press- I'm sure that will light a fire under somebody's arse.
(I Was a Teenage Spaceship, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 17:47, Reply)

when I was about 7 or 8
one Saturday afternoon in Winchester market, I purchased a frankly enormous serrated Bowie knife (the only time in my life I have paid or will pay for Bowie). I was frogmarched back to the stall with my father who hit the fucking roof. I was gutted, I have to confess.

Some heavy gear on sale there though. Not clever in Glasgae...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 17:51, Reply)

im a weegie too
it amuses me the amount of people who think the locals call it 'Glasgae' every wee ned calls the place Glezga (then stabs you)

the Glasgow Smile is still popular with neds - two stanley blades with a matchstick jammed between leaves a nasty injury that is very hard to stitch and leaves a horrible scar. a lot of stabbings are done with screwdrivers - not an offensive weapon and can also be used as a handy 'key' for car ignitions. sawn-off golf club handles (known as a stakey) are also popular in gang fights, they are hollow so gouge out a 'plug' of tissue - again hard to treat and leave a nasty scar. samurais and machetes are still regarded as a timeless classic.

however this is all a bit old hat - the discerning drug enforcer now prefers the 'pop your eye out with a teaspoon' method for bad drug debts. kind of a statement injury and hard to charge someone for being in possession of an offensive tea set.

the scots have alwasy been great innovators and despite all this Glasgow is still a better night out than Edinburgh by a long shot
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 18:22, Reply)

offensive cutlery
"pop your eye out with a teaspoon" has had me pissing myself for a good 10 minutes. The pure horror of it, yet the dainty weapon used just cracks me up. When you start jotting all this Glasgow violence malarkay into a few paragraphs it really has got a comedy element to it..maybe it's because it is so horrible and so real that laughter is the only means of defence.

Yes it is a violent place, but not any more so than most major cities. The vast majority of the violence is committed by neds, on neds, bypassing the general public. This is not always the case unfortunately.

But you are right about it being a million times better than Edinbro, edgy once your outside your club/pub of choice, but definitely better. Nipping out of the Subbie a few months back for a smoke we were thrust into the human zoo that is Jamaica St at 2am on a Friday night, no violence, but you felt that it was lurking, ready to pummel the weak and gouge out the eyeball of the fainthearted. We stuck right by the door and headed back in asap.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:16, Reply)

They're a creative folk
when it comes to being mental.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 21:14, Reply)

natural comedians though
you'll be laughing all through the transfusion
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 2:40, Reply)

good news and bad
good news - victor morris has lost its licence to sell this crap

bad news - they had a buy one get one free offer to get rid of the knives. im not kidding. you can now get stabbed to death as the result of a BOGOF in glasgow

you couldnt make it up

BTW please do tell me you use the smoke machine in the bathroom so you can drop a fetid one then emerge like a foul swamp creature.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 17:55, Reply)

Heh
I liked the bit about the smoke machine, too.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 17:57, Reply)

the smoke machine
was initially bought for a magic mushroom party where i planned to project slides (rollei dissolving projector) through the resulting smoke...ended up too bashed to even consider setting the projector up. Have done subsequently though, to great effect. On that particular occassion I was getting some fluid for my daughters 'disco' themed birthday party.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:54, Reply)

victor morris
seems to have gotten worse since the last time I was there (like 6/7 years ago).

I went with bandmates to buy some replacement equipment after our shit got stolen after a rehearsal (including a guitar belonging to our school), and most of the window was electrical gear, music and shit.
knives and heavy weaponry were inside, towards the back of the shop. Of course, you have to advertise what makes you most money - not that selling anything other than a suicide kit to a ned is acceptable.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 18:08, Reply)

hmmmm.....I can't figure out if I'd rather be stabbed or shot

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 18:30, Reply)

guns are of course available
but Glaswegians like their violence up close and personal.

we're a friendly bunch.

you got a problem wi that?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 18:49, Reply)

hell to tha nah nigguh

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 18:56, Reply)

are you welsh

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 18:59, Reply)

YES
YES
No
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:13, Reply)

I kind of wish I lived in a city where a display like that
seems ominous. You can see that and much more in pretty much any family hardware or camping store in the US. Go to any Wal-Mart for a full selection of whatever rifle, crossbow, bow and arrow set for the youngsters, etc. you might need for hunting, killing or just the constitutionally mandated need to have a gun at home to kill commies or Arab terrorists (of course the myth of home defense is a huge myth but people continue to believe it even though statistics show that the majority of murders are caused by pissed off spouses or friends who just happen to have a gun nearby that they use in a moment of anger).

What's really scary is to go into a "hunting" store and see the AK-47 and M-16 knock offs that while not fully automatic, can readily be adapted and have absolutely no use in hunting. That is why some of our cities such as Detroit or Washington DC make some war zones seem quiet.

No offense but you people have it easy!
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:17, Reply)

i find that spelling of offence quite offensive

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:39, Reply)

Just good ole 'merican spelling
Didn't George W Bush teach you all that how we do things is the right way!

(Please shoot me now).

In case you are wondering, any country that could elect or even allow Dubya to steal one or two elections has got to have a high proportion of its population with serious mental heath issues, ie: a lot of us are dumb as tree stumps.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:52, Reply)

Detroit is fucking mental
and has been since the 60s
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 9:01, Reply)